How I feel about our pets after having DD2. Can anyone help/reassure me?

[AgentZigzag]

I've been meaning to post this for a while now, but not had the balls, I'm going to after having a very small alcoholic drink

I know it's not AIBU, but is it possible to go easy?

I've got two cats (14 years and 12 years old) and a 5 year old dog, before I had DD2 in the new year (9 years after having DD1) I adored them all, 'babied' them, calling them stoopid pet names, they knew I loved them.

But since having DD2 (and I don't remember any problems after having DD1) it's like a switch has been flicked in my head, and I don't seem to feel the same about them

I've rationalised it so far as me being emotionally exhausted, I just haven't got anything else to give to anyone. I feel the same about DH and DD1 as I used to, so it's not that I'm withdrawing from the world and can't handle anything else.

It's really starting to bother me, because I thought it'd get better with time, but hasn't.

I know I love our pets, and I don't want to do them a disservice. I've tried to be how I was with them hoping the feelings will just follow on, but they haven't as yet.

Does anyone think it will go back to how it was? Is there anything I can try doing with them? Or should I not push it and see how things pan out?

Thanks for reading

Before I had DD1 I was obsessed with dogs, thought about them all the time, really wanted one for years and years. Then once I had her I thought god, was I mad, why would anyone keep a dog they are disgusting - as you say its like a switch gets thrown in your head. Now, we have a new dog, DD1 is nearly 10, dd2 is 7, I don't love him as much as I loved pets when I was younger, but he's still very important. I think you will get over it, sounds like you are overwhelmed with childcare etc.

Even so, I should imagine DD1 is old enough to love and care for them, and you're still feeding, grooming, walking etc., so I don't think they'll suffer. Not sure that's very helpful, perhaps someone else has had this as well, I should think its not uncommon.

Thanks for your reply MrsN.

I was just going to add that I don't have any trouble looking after their physical needs, and DH and DD1 do their bit too, so they are well looked after.

I think the small babies/dogs big snotty hooter mix may have played a part at the start, but DD2 is crawling now, so not a sterile newborn anymore.

You were helpful ta

It's down to time, I think. Do you feel guilty that you do not have as much time for your pets now? My cats were 'downgraded' after dd1 was born, as in I just could not sit and cuddle them all night, I didn't have time and they couldn't have free access to all of the house anymore, but I knew unless dd1 was allergic I wouldn't rehome them. I still felt very guilty about their change in care.

Now dd1 and dd2 are both older it's back to my evening being filled with walking and hugging cats and dogs

That's exactly it Dooin.

After sorting out DD2, DD1 and DH () I feel guilty I can't give them more.

It makes me feel worse that the older one is 16, she's been with me for such a long time, it upsets me to think she might die and I've been like this with her at the end

She's a real lap cat, but after having DD2 asleep or cuddling on me for a long time, I don't want to be 'trapped' again IYSWIM?

Yes I see what you mean, but many cats live until their twenties and things will change once dd2 sleeps better.

And even if she doesn't (which is unlikely), you are still giving your cat better care than most would. Trust me if a cat is not happy with a situation they will find a new slave owner, just as mine did when he turned to religion and became a church cat , dd2 was one change too many for him and I wasn't about to rehome her

I still talk to the vicar, cat2 is very happy and spoilt