dd2 petrified of animals.. help

[girlsyearapart]

Have just had dd3 who is now 4wks old. Dds 1 and 2 coming up for 2 and 3.

We have a 9yr old Staffie who is a softie although gets a bit giddy when people visit.
When dd3 arrived the ILs took the dog to stay with them as the high volume of visitors would've meant his excitement factor would've gone through the roof.

When he was here dd2 never actively liked him but was not scared of him either. She

has always been scared of other animals but never our own dog.

Now he's at the ILs she has become scared of him- a fact that I think is not being helped by the ILs who make a big fuss and shut the dog in another room when we're there.

When we visited yesterday I pointed out that I didn't think it was very helpful to keep making a fuss and then MIL let him in a big rush and he barrelled through which made dd2 into a hysterical mess.

Now the ILs are making me feel awful for wanting the dog back, saying he must have knocked her over/hit her with his tail to make her scared.

She was NOT scared of him when he was here!

My strategy is to limit fuss made/attention paid to her fear and keep socialising him and her till she gets over it.

No option to keep him in another room here as all open plan although he's not allowed upstairs. No option to keep him at the ILs either as they are going away for 3 months.

so advice needed please? wwyd?

I think it's unfair on the dog to give him away and then take him back. Poor thing won't know whether he is coming or going.

Having said that I have always maintained that shutting animals away when children come around is just asking for trouble. Your dog will start to resent your dds visiting instead of associating them with good things.

Sorry have just re-read and I see the ILs are going away for three months. In which case I don't understand why you are asking. What is the other option? You have to take the dog back.

He hasn't been given away- he stays with the ils frequently so he's used to it and they only live round the corner so we've seen him lots.

My feelings are also that he should't be shut away but the ils seem to think i'm being cruel to dd.

I'm not contemplating not having him back- put the bit about them going away incase anyone suggested leaving him permanently with them.

Just after anyone with some advice/similar experience?

Well shutting him out could cause him to resent your dd. Which is far more dangerous than her being scared of him. SO no, not cruel to her.

Could you re introduce them slowly, before he comes back to live with you? Let her help walk him, so he would be on his lead and under more control. And get her involved with training him. You will also need to train dd. Reacting hysterically, as I'm sure you know, will only cause the dog to become more excited. She should stand with her arms folded and turn her back on him, only rewarding him with attention, once all four paws are on the ground. Dd1 was scared of our puppy and this is what our vet told her to do.

I ask any guest to do this my dog. But that is because I am training him to not dive all visitors in a flurry of excitement.

You could post in pets to see if anyone else knows of any training tips to help keep the dog calmer when he sees dd.

I don't have children, nor a dog, so I'm probably totally underqualified to say anything, but what struck me was that you say you have a new daughter (many congratulations btw!).

Could the whole incident with the dog be you dd2 transferring emotions she has towards dd3 onto the dog? Having a new baby in the house will obviously brought changes to her life (not being the baby of the family) and I know young children can get jealous of new siblings.

I'm not sure if this helps at all, especially since I realise I appear to be saying dd2 is scared of dd3, which I really don't mean. But is there some sort of sense in all this?

Will shut up now,

M

I get what you mean MarisSkye! Almost as if the little lass is projecting a bit of envy onto the dog and behaving as if it is fear to reassure herself that Mum is still taking notice of HER and not just that demanding new baby?

If I'm right I tink that you may well have a point, though I'm nowhere near as confident with my opinions on child behaviour as I am that of dogs (yet I have 2 DC as well as 3 dogs!).

I think you're planning to do just the right thing girlsyearapart and that Shiney's advice is super. Let DD walk pooch (with you holding the lead as well just in case pooch decides to hurl himself into a nearby stream!), let her help feed him and "train" him by offering treats when he's sitting calmly for her and/or behaving well.

You'll soon have a contented, reassured child (though possibly a very treat-induced podgy Staffie!).

Oh and dammit, sorry, I should have first said...

CONGRATULATIONS!

:o

thanks all for the time to respond.

The vet also recommended bringing him home on the lead for short periods of time and gradually building it up.

It could be a jealousy thing I can see where you're coming from with that as dd2 is very cuddly and a total Mummy's girl.

I think when the dog was here she didn't class him as an animal iyswim but now she has seem him at the ILs she has realised he is in fact a dog..

valhalla am with you on the dogs thing-I'm way more clucky and broody over puppies than babies

Also we have managed to train him not to jump up but he just can't seem to contain himself when people first come in- just general invasion of body space and much wagging..

Only lasts about 5 minutes before he realises he's infact 9 and not a pup and takes his grey self back to bed

Vallhalla, and GYA: am so glad you understand where I was coming from. I was slightly worried that a) I was talking nonsense, and b) I'd be vilified for not actually being a mum!

Some dogs never do grow up, from what I can tell. Rather like men!

M

and he's a male dog so double unlikely to ever grow up