Smacking Ban – Protecting Kids or Criminalizing Parents? What Do You Think?

[Scoobychick]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to start a discussion about the smacking ban and whether it’s truly helping children—or just making parenting even harder.

I completely support protecting children from harm, but I believe this law is misguided and potentially damaging to families. Instead of tackling real abuse and neglect, the government has criminalized responsible parents who use occasional smacking as discipline.

🔹 Are we focusing on the wrong problem?
🔹 Should the government be prioritizing real child protection failures instead?
🔹 Does this law take away too much parental authority?

Many parents already struggle to set boundaries, especially with the growing influence of social media and peer pressure. Now, with this law, some fear that even light discipline could lead to social services intervention. Meanwhile, children in truly abusive situations continue to fall through the cracks because agencies are overwhelmed or ineffective.

💬 What do you think? Share your thoughts below!
📊 Vote in the poll too! 👇

How about with young people with learning disabilities and complex needs and challenging behaviour?

The very last thing you should do with children who have complex needs and challenging behaviour is hit them. Because it teaches them from a very early age that hitting is acceptable, a lesson that's going to be hard for them to unlearn when they're older and stronger.

@WhenYouSayNothingAtAll Yes, your point about a blanket ban ruling out ambiguity around cultural norms is really important. More than once have I come across this in my professional role (from other professionals): smacking, physical chastisement and harsh authoritarian parenting being excused in white working class homes -"It's just the way they do things / they're a bit rough and ready / salt of the earth / hearts in the right place." etc. Classist BS, as if integrity in parenting, capacity for regulation and the safety of children is beyond this cohort.

I identify a lot with this.

Children should not be scared of their parents.

Children should not be so cowed that they do as they are told even if they know it will harm them.

Smacking, hitting, caning, they all teach your child to fear you. Why on earth would you want that?

It also sets them up for a life where their first instinct is to obey and appease.

@Nighttimenope in your example of the child laughing in your face and not putting their seatbelt on, it’d obviously not have been the first time you smacked the child. So smacking wasn’t a deterrent before. Try better.

@Nighttimenope ’’ For a start, kids have to learn to obey. If you don’t believe that, I’m telling you, your kids are not as good as you think.’’

Children can learn boundaries and the difference between right and wrong without being smacked.
Do you think all the other countries that banned smacking have out of control kids, doing as they please. ?

If you need help with this the answer is, no. Smacking has been banned in Ireland for 10 years, even before that I never once lifted my hand to DD, nor did I ever witness anyone in my family or social circle strike their children.

Children, of course, do misbehave, easily managed with consequences, for example, play date cancelled, no pocket money this week, a treat withdrawn.

Hitting a child to make it comply instills fear in children rather than an understanding of right versus wrong.

You think hurting a child to get them to behave is appropriate.

There's something wrong with your mind if you think that's acceptable.
Whether it leaves a mark or not it is abusive and abhorrent to hit or smack a child.

You are disgusting

For a start, kids have to learn to obey. If you don’t believe that, I’m telling you, your kids are not as good as you think.’

If you have to smack your children to get them to follow rules, I'm telling you, you're not as good a parent as you think.

"Minor disciplinary actions" is an interesting turn of phrase. It totally negates the experience of the many people who are damaged by experiencing violence at the hands of those who supposedly love them.

There is nothing minor about an assault, especially from the very people we should be able to trust.

Yes, it needs to be illegal.

What’s this anecdote got to do with the price of fish?

Ok, this is definitely AI now. I’ll stop engaging

This debate has been done to death, there is no evidence to support smacking children, but lots of evidence that it causes harm and at best isn't an effective form of discipline.
I'm in Wales where it's been banned for a while now luckily!

I reported to Mumsnet saying the same thing. It's obvious

I hope that you realise from the rest of my post that I don't condone hitting young people with learning disabilities.

Yes I did.

You could say that my methods are manipulative and emotionally abusive. You would be wrong. Being open and direct is not, by definition, manipulative or emotionally abusive.

Before I had kids I'd have supported a ban. Now I really wouldn't. I have smacked in very specific circumstances. When my 3 year old refused to stay in his car seat and was endangering himself I did smack him. It stopped him from ever doing it again. Did it leave a mark? No. Did I try to reason with him first? Of course. All of the data on smacking doesn't differentiate from a smack with an open hand vs using a belt. Those are two VERY different things. There is data supporting smacking 4-6 year olds who are defiant. Just because it wouldn't work with a 9 year old doesn't mean it shouldn't be used with a younger child. The amount of parents pleading with small children is ridiculous.

@Smih

There is data supporting smacking 4-6 year olds who are defiant.

Can you share the source for this and also clarify what you say when the data 'supports' it?

Scary though this incident must have been, OP, it doesn't in any way uphold your support for smacking. It also reflects badly on you as it shows you were not holding your child's hand or keeping your eyes on him when he was close to moving traffic. No neighbour would report you for holding your son's arm. It couldn't possibly be interpreted as a form of reasonable chastisement.

You don't often see parents smacking their children in public and not all members of the public will report parents they do see smacking, so there will be no flood of the child protection system. Let's be optimistic and conclude that the number of smacking-in-public parents calculating enough to mete out harsher chastisement at home as a response to smacking ban is tiny.

This is an argument in favour of a smacking ban.

Again with the either or being smacking or pleading... there are ways to set boundaries and keep children from endangering themselves, without hitting.

There is data supporting smacking 4-6 year olds who are defiant

I would really love to see this, it's not something I am aware of.

Who is it that children should obey?

Should they obey abusive people? People who hurt them? People who tell them to keep secrets?

Should they obey for the rest of their lives or is there a time where they are allowed to actually think for themselves?

Instant obedience is one of those things that is demanded by abusive cults - no thinking allowed, just do as you are told.

I’m torn. I was smacked as a child, i don’t feel traumatised at all. I hardly think about it and don’t have any hang ups as an adult.

Children now are really, really badly behaved and violent. This is despite the gentlest, most understanding parenting ever. It just doesn’t work for some reason. I think we try to project our adult emotional understanding to children, but it just goes over their heads.

There’s 1 boy in my daughter’s class at school who is horrific and regularly attacks his classmates out of nowhere. He spent one birthday party terrorising the other children until one of the mums snapped and wrestled him to the floor (to take an object off him that he was using to hit). Everyone was inwardly cheering.

I’ve never smacked my kids but I haven’t needed to. I have put boundaries in very early - my youngest is 1 and knows the words NO and GENTLE said in a scary mum voice. I don’t think ‘distracting’ works as they never learn what they’re doing is wrong, and by the time they do they’re used to doing whatever they like. If you put boundaries in early it works, and saves all the flailing around later on.

This brings up something interesting. Not all children have treats like play dates and pocket money. If parents don't allow those things in the first place then maybe they are more likely to smack?

I don't know if that is true, just a thought.

As for 'obeying' please see my previous post. I will add to that the training of guide dogs. If you don't wee the relevance keep reading.

Guide dogs are taught to mostly obey their person, but they are also taught 'intelligent disobedience' so they will not put themselves or their human in harm eg they won't walk of a cliff. And these are dogs.