Help me out with a semi-colon crisis, please!

[Hassled]

The rise of Robespierre to the head of a centralised, Jacobin government by the spring of 1794 can definitely be contrasted with the decline of popular participation in the French Revolution, especially in Paris; whilst the events that brought Robespierre there can be said, in part, to be the result of the influence of the popular movements in France.
I don't like the semi-colon but I can't explain why. Is it because it needs to be a proper sentence after the s.c. and it isn't? Or is it? Argh.

This is DS1's essay - I'm his proof-reader.

Hmm, I think it's a good use of a semi-colon. It would be wrong to start a new sentence with 'Whilst'. It does mean it's quite a long and complex sentence, however. Another option would be to end the sentence after 'Paris' and start the new sentence 'However, the events...' I was going to say, you could replace 'whilst' with a new sentence beginning 'At the same time, the events...' - but that might be confusing, as it could be read to mean literally at the same time.

Confused? You will be.

Actually, I don't like the use of 'definitely'!

Personally I would have used a comma.

But then I'm never really sure about semi colons!

It's because of the 'whilst', which is acting as a conjunction and so the part after the semi-colon doesn't stand on its own grammatically. Therefore, you wouldn't use a semi-colon but a comma.

I agree with you, Hassled; the clause after the semi-colon should be a proper sentence which could stand on its own, and I don't think it does.However, using a comma to separate ('...Paris, whilst...) makes it a very long sentence indeed.

Not quite sure what to suggest (and should be writing my own report anyway!).

Hurrah! I was right!

Finish the sentence with a full stop after Paris. Then start a new sentence.

In my view, semi colons are only really to be used in documents where there are lists of numbered points as in the following example.

The financial crisis will not be over until:

1. Unemployment begins to stabalise;
2. Mortgage defaults stop rising;
3. House prices begin to rise; and
4. Consumers become confident enough to take on new credit.

It's not the most elegant of sentences, but I think the semi-colon is fine. If you split it into 2 sentences, you'd have to re-construct the second one.

Semi-colon is better than comma here, I think, to help with clarity. A comma wouldn't be wrong, but it would be harder to follow the sense.

You're all stars - I've made much more sense of my issues now. Agree that the "whilst" is the root of the problem. DS1 does like long, pompous sentences. Many, many thanks.

No, the semi-colon is wrong, grammatically, because the part after it is not an independent clause.

Also, make him say "while" not "whilst" (and "among" not "amongst"). No one gains marks for using pompous words.

Although technically correct with a comma, you're right - his sentence is a bit too unwieldy!

Allfalldown - I've being telling DS1 off re his insistence on using "whilst" etc for years now. I think he thinks it makes him look clever, but just looks poncey and rubbish, I agree.

I've broken it into two complete sentences and got rid of the semi-colon and "whilst", and I think it flows more easily.

And I have pages more of this stuff to read, and the promise of a dissertation in the spring. Yip. Still, at least it's contact .

So is using words like 'whilst' and 'amongst' the college equivalent of decorating round the margins of your project in primary? A few years ago, my mum asked me to look over some science projects her class of 9-10 yos had done - the amount of decoration round the sides made my eyes hurt!

I'm interested, though, as to why 'whilst' and 'amongst' is wrong and/or pompous?