To say please or not....

[andgodcreatedwoman]

Can you help us sort out a family argument?

If my Mum says to my Dad, 'do you want a coffee?' he refuses to say yes please as he says she is asking a direct question and a 'yes' will suffice.

He maintains that if she said 'would you like a coffee?' he would say yes please.

They are staying with us for the weekend and I assured them that the mumsnet pedant jury would settle this dispute.

Many thanks in advance!

Pedantry has no place in manners. If he's deliberately and knowingly winding her up by refusing to say "please" when she's offering to do something, then he's being rude even if she's asking in Venusian.

The clear solution is for your mother to stop asking him and just make herself a cup of coffee. Then everyone will be happy...

How about 'yes, thank you'? He would then be answering the question and being polite.

Additionally, if he's just answering, for the sake of interest, a question about whether he wants a coffee or not, then "Yes" is perfectly acceptable. If he's angling to be given a coffee then he ought to say please.

Thank you all so much, we are all in fits as my Dad has been proven wrong and he is not liking it.

On the back of this, my Mum wants to join mumsnet!

Professor Layton has the best answer there

If she says "Do you want a cup of coffee" it doesn't matter whether he says please or not the correct response from her should be "Make me one as well while you're up".

Hmm. IMO the important fact to note is that she asks whether he desires one. She is not asking if he wants her to make him one. So, she could ask "do you want a coffee?" and he could say, "yes." Result: she knows he wants a coffee. Assuming she is about to prepare coffee for herself, the polite man would follow with, "would you please make me one?" It would be quite rude to assume that she will make one just because he wants one. He should ask. Politely. Further, she is being a touch cheeky to ask if he simply wants one. She should ask "Would you like me to make you a cup of coffee" if she were being absolutely thorough.
In our house, we opt for simplicity. "Coffee?" "Mmm."

We don't even use words. One goes , then the other one goes

Your Dad sounds a bit like mine.

My teenage years were filled with incidents like a friend (or worse boyfriend) phoning and asking "Is Yama there?" and my Dad answering "Yes. [long pause] Next question."