Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pedants' corner
Original poster

We need the annual "teachers' howlers in reports" thread...

84 replies

UnquietDad · 03/07/2009 20:37

I'll start off...

My DD apparently has "a flare for storytelling."

It would be useful to know where she is hiding this distress rocket. It might come in useful.

OP posts:
Bibithree · 04/07/2009 13:58

I spotted one in DH's reports for a child in his class

"Littleboy should remember to prof read his work"

fruitshootsandheaves · 04/07/2009 14:07

DS2 uses a wide range of throwing, catching and hitting skills on both sides of his body.

does that mean he can hit children no matter what side they approach him from?

Original poster
UnquietDad · 04/07/2009 16:18

Reports are so insipid these days - we have to take our entertainment anywhere we can find it...

OP posts:
DaisymooSteiner · 04/07/2009 16:34

My music teacher wrote on year that I'd 'made a significant contribution to the school orchestra this year' - I'd never been in my life!

RustyBear · 04/07/2009 16:42

I don't know anything about your musical talent, daisymoo, but could it be that you made your contribution by staying away?

mysteryfairy · 04/07/2009 17:02

DD has "learnt to use apostrophe's" this year - perhaps her teacher will follow suit at some point?

Original poster
UnquietDad · 04/07/2009 17:03

mysteryfairy... that's awful! I'd be so tempted to send that back with a comment.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnquietDad · 04/07/2009 17:04

Are most of the teachers making these mistakes fairly young and fresh out of training college? In my experience they tend to be the ones with the slapdash spelling and punctuation.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 04/07/2009 17:16

One of the problems in our increasingly computer literate society is that the spellcheck can identify poor spelling, but not homonyms or wobbly grammar.
So if you don't proofread carefully, you are stuffed.

smartiejake · 04/07/2009 17:24

"Geography is not his forte. He would do well to find his way home!"

(Actually not my DDs reports but this was written on one of my dad's friend's reports in the 50s!)

The one I noticed on one of DD1's reports last year was how she apparently appeared to change sex half way through. ("Report Writer" obviously doesn't check for gender when used to compose generic reports.)

DD also was reported to have composed her own music using tuned and un-tuned percussion when I know for a fact that she hasn't so much laid hands on a triangle all year!

FAQinglovely · 04/07/2009 17:29

DS2's report was remarkably pretty much what I expected.......

"level at entry" - pretty average
"level at June 2009" - slightly above average

"things to improve on" .errrrrmmm struggling there slightly to find things to write about him

RustyBear · 04/07/2009 18:08

I proof read for 8 teachers - most of the mistakes are typos rather than spelling mistakes, or cut & paste where they forget to change from she to he - the fewest mistakes are normally from the 60 year old and the dyslexic teacher in his late 30's, closely followed by the youngest one. I'd probably better not say who makes the most mistakes, as my posting name is known in the staff room....

RedLentil · 04/07/2009 18:09

Back to the 1970s:

'MrLentil is perhaps the only child ever to speak French entirely in a Wigan accent.'

tearinghairout · 04/07/2009 18:11

The only one I remeber is from PE and was short and to the point: 'Hair is apathetic'. I'd never heard the word but I knew it wsn't a compliment.

AvengingGerbil · 04/07/2009 18:19

My Mum had 'S is no trouble and takes none'

tearinghairout · 04/07/2009 18:43

That's great. Teachers were a bit more inventive with their comments in those days.

lilac21 · 04/07/2009 18:47

I wrote in one of mine that a child was 'frequently defiant and challenging' - couldn't see the point in beating about the bush! Reports don't go out til next Friday though...

Hassled · 04/07/2009 18:47

Early 90s, DS1 - "X takes a bull in a china shop approach to art".

My brother, in the 70s, had "X dislikes PE with an unusual passion and is seldom seen to move".

colie · 04/07/2009 19:09

art in second year (think that is yr8 in england. My mark for that year was -D, well was a D but -D for colour sense. You couldn't get below a d on my school reports but his teacher had to put a -D in.

What was worse was the comment.

"Colie - tries to best of her ability"

This has scarred me for life and I always doubt my colour sense when dressing. Never listen to any advice I give in the style section of mumsnet.

snigger · 04/07/2009 19:13

DD2 is making great strides. According to her report, she made extraordinary progress with eye contact this year.

Are they trying to manage our expectations, do you think?

singersgirl · 04/07/2009 19:56

DS1 had a real flare for creative writing in Y3. I thought he might just glow brightly from time to time.

livinginadreamworld · 04/07/2009 21:35

My gcse English teacher wrote, 'livings work is purple, with grey spots' my Mum still laughs about it.

shabster · 04/07/2009 22:24

ROFL Redlentil - Im from Bolton and when I try to speak Greek on holiday it comes out sounding like Peter Kay on Ouzo!!!

Goblinchild · 04/07/2009 22:36

..That's great. Teachers were a bit more inventive with their comments in those days.

We still think it
Just not allowed to say it now, unless you want to reap the whirlwind. That's why I never drink alcohol when writing reports, and always check what I wrote after midnight in the morning. Just in case I was too too tired and thus too truthful.

releasethehounds · 04/07/2009 22:43

70s again - not on a school report but just a comment on a piece of writing in my exercise book "You must try to be more careful in your work Pamela".

My name is not Pamela.