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Pedants' corner
Original poster

My husband and me / My husband and I

42 replies

MmeLindt · 26/03/2009 09:03

A German friend was told by an English Professor (in Oxford, at a teaching seminar) that no British person would say, "My husband and I". According to the Professor, only the Queen would say this.

Normally, "My husband and me" would be used.

I have never heard this before. We were taught to name the other person first as it was more polite.

Could this be a regional variation?

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 26/03/2009 09:06

Depends on the context surely. If it's a sentence where you'd use 'I' if just talking about yourself, then it's 'my husband and I', if it's a sentence where you'd use 'me', then it's 'my husband and me'.

LucyJordan · 26/03/2009 09:06

Surely depends on the context of the sentence. If you were saying "I will be going to the palace today", and your husband was coming too, it would be correct to say "my husband and I will be going....."

If it was a case of who wants some chocolate - "me", then it would be "my husband and me"......

Tinker · 26/03/2009 09:08

Does the sentence make sense if you drop the "my husband" bit? That's teh easy way to check which is correct

ForeverOptimistic · 26/03/2009 09:18

"My husband and I" is correct but I think it is fair to say that fewer people would say that these days. I tend to say "my husband and me" even though I know it is incorrect, if I am talking to someone who is well spoken or has pedant tendancies I use the correct version.

tigerdriver · 26/03/2009 09:23

Parse the sentence.

"My husband and I are feeding the peacocks."

"The peacocks are looking through the window at my husband and me."

The one that gets my peacock goat is "Between you and I". Grrrr

Original poster
MmeLindt · 26/03/2009 11:52

Thanks all, that is very helpful.

OP posts:
PortAndLemon · 26/03/2009 11:58

Mind you, it's become such a stereotypically Queeny thing to say that probably no British person would say "my husband and I" because of a knee-jerk impulse to avoid it. So we'd probably say "The peacocks are looking through the window at my husband and me." but "I am feeding the peacocks and my husband is helping me."

The structurally equivalent "My wife and I..." is the traditional way for the groom to begin his speech at a wedding (typically, everyone cheers or applauds at this point).

stealthsquiggle · 26/03/2009 12:13

"My Husband and I" is technically correct but how often would you actually say it? You would say "Fred and I" or "We" - and yes it does have Queen-y overtones which may be partly why no-one does say it, but I would never use "My husband and me" unless in a sentence where, if you took the husband out of the equation, "me" would be correct.

Original poster
MmeLindt · 26/03/2009 16:12

Interesting, because I never say "my husband and me", always "my husband and I".

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 26/03/2009 16:23

I use the one that's correct - never thought about the "posh" implications.

mumof2222222222222222boys · 26/03/2009 16:24

I normally say "We..." I am quite sure that My husband and I....is correct, however I can't recall ever saying it! But I have never ever said, "My Husband and me..."

StealthPolarBear · 26/03/2009 16:25

But in a sentence where if you were just talking about yourself "me" would be used, then "my husband and me" is right!

Original poster
MmeLindt · 26/03/2009 16:41

tigerdriver
Just emailed my friend, she replied:

And then my husband and I'll be in the garden, because the peacocks and I are hungry.
So, my husband and I will feed the peacocks and me.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 26/03/2009 16:42

lol!

BonsoirAnna · 26/03/2009 16:43

My husband and I... when the two of you are the subject of the sentence.

...me and my husband... when the two of you are the object of the sentence

Tigerschick · 26/03/2009 16:47

In the sentence she sent you, 'my husband and I' is correct.
The second part of the sentence is awkward but that's not what you asked about ...

StealthPolarBear · 26/03/2009 16:48

It is clumsy because you wouldn't ever say "I feed me". You'd probably completely restate it.

Tigerschick · 26/03/2009 16:49

It's correct because you would never say 'my husband and me will ...'

I think the professor was very mis-leading in what he said. It is possible that British people tend to avoid saying 'my husband and I' because of the regal connotations but, in the right context, it is grammatically correct.

Tigerschick · 26/03/2009 16:50

x-posts with SPB. Didn't mean the second part of the sentence is correct, because I'm not sure it is.

tigerdriver · 26/03/2009 17:20

"My husband and I will fetch some food for the peacocks and me" would work though and demonstrates the "and I/and me" point.

PortAndLemon · 26/03/2009 17:42

Of course, if you have peacocks in your garden you are probably (about to go for stereotype alert) reasonably posh, so might not be worried about regal connotations.

StealthPolarBear · 26/03/2009 18:17

we have a farm near us and have had pigeons in our garden

StealthPolarBear · 29/03/2009 15:18

pigeons? Peacocks! What happened to my brain?

Habbibu · 29/03/2009 20:28

That's just odd - the grammar is what Anna said - all about whether you and DH are the subject and object of the sentence.

scienceteacher · 29/03/2009 20:29

Depends on whether you are the subject or object of the sentence