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Pedants' corner

Help me with rewording please!

8 replies

MinnieMummy · 08/03/2009 19:53

I can't think of a good way of rewriting this sentence to make it clearer. For info, 'PCP' is an assessment process, not the 80s drug:

In individual cases where LAs have used PCP, among the benefits reported are that the process can:

  • bullet
  • bullet
etc.

I just don't like the 'among the benefits reported' bit, it sounds really clumsy. I have been staring at this for too long...

any help much appreciated!!

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 08/03/2009 19:54

benefits of the process include:
-bullet
-bullet

?

Hassled · 08/03/2009 19:55

Some of the benefits that have been reported in individual cases where LAs have used PCPP include:

Do you need individual?

Hassled · 08/03/2009 19:55

Some of the benefits that have been reported in individual cases where LAs have used PCPP include:

Do you need individual?

MitchyInge · 08/03/2009 19:56

or reported benefits include ?

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 08/03/2009 19:58

How about

In individual cases where LAs have used the PCP process, they have reported some/many/a number of [according to the evidence] benefits. These include

  • bullet
  • bullet

I have tried to re-use as many of your words as possible, but is individual essential, in the context? It always seems redundant to me.

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 08/03/2009 20:00

Ooops. Crossed with hassled.

MinnieMummy · 08/03/2009 20:30

Excellent, thanks you! I agree that 'individual' is unnecessary. I didn't write it so I don't want to wield my editing sword too strongly, so I think I'll go with Mitchy's version, minus the 'individual', i.e.

In cases where LAs have used PCP, benefits of the process include:

Seems simple now! Hurrah.

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 08/03/2009 20:32

woohoo!

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