Jealous vs. Envious

[MoleAtTheCounter]

I was reading a thread where posters were using both of these about the same topic. I was going to post on that thread that they are not synonyms but held back as I know that pedants are not welcome (except for this safe space).

Envy is about wanting something someone else has, while jealousy is about fear of losing something you already have.

But that’s not the only meaning of jealousy, which is what you stated in your OP. If you’re going to be pedantic, at least be correct 🤷‍♀️

Envy is one of the 7 deadly sins, but as a child if I said that I was jealous of someone I was told to say that I was envious. I had the feeling that jealousy was more corrosive than envy.

I also thought jealously was worse than envy as you can be envious of something but not want to take it off them.

Jealously seems to have more spite.

OP is technically right. A Simpsons episode even directly observed the true definitions of each; however, historic common misuse has essentially made them synonymous, in that language evolves over time.

Some reputable sources now claim "mischeevus" as a correct pronunciation of "mischievous" due to common misuse (🤢). Language is decided by the masses, not the pedants.

• that should have read "miss-chee-vee-us" as the incorrect but increasingly common pronunciation.

Not if you're Christian. Envy is one of the seven deadly sins.

When I die THEY will look at a battered old dictionary in the bureau, and throw it away without a second's thought. I've used it often. It's so precious. There are words in there which are not usually used nowadays.

without a second thought OR without a second's thought ?

Ooh, interesting! I've never given that a second('s) thought!

Hmmm.
I understand envious to be that you wish you had something the other person did but in a 'i wish I also had that' way... So not wanting to wrest it from their clutches (so to speak).

Like you're happy for someone they won some money but wish you had also got a similar prize.

Whereas jealousy is wanting what they've got in a 'i want to take that off you so I can have it' way.

Like wanting to take someone's girlfriend, or whatever.

So envy is a kinder version of coveting something as it doesn't involve wishing to deprive the other of what they have.

While the OP's definition isn't wrong (and I do myself get a bit annoyed about people's lack of awareness of the distinction between jealousy and envy), I do think there is an interesting and psychologically well-founded reason for them being used interchangeably.

The best way to explain this is to put a little bit of additional detail in the OP's definitions:

Envy is about wanting something someone else has
Yes, but more precisely it is about wanting something that someone else has, and which you experience yourself as lacking

jealousy is about fear of losing something you already have
Yes, but the fear is often internally generated by the person who is experiencing the jealousy because they experience themselves as somehow unworthy of having the "something", less good than other people, less deserving. And they hide that vulnerability behind a bluster of possessive entitlement.

So both envy and jealousy have their root in an experience of oneself as lacking - either lacking the good thing or lacking a secure sense of the possession of the good thing. And in both cases there is a hostile perception of other people, a sense of being tormented by their possession, or their capacity to possess.

In this sense the two sentiments bleed into each other. So the interchangeable use of the two words does often have a fairly vivid psychological reality behind it

This!

Another way in which envy and jealousy bleed into each other is this: When we experience ourselves as lacking and consequently feel envious, the reality often is that we do in fact possess the good thing. We just can't keep hold of a resilient sense of ourselves as possessing it. For example, we might look at other mums and envy their competence because we have low self-esteem and are unable to perceive that we are equally competent.
In this respect we are very like the jealous person who can't keep hold of a resilient sense of possessing the good thing that they fear being taken away by others