Oh my god my home town has a problem.

[captainmummy]

We are having a St. George's day 'Fayre' in town at the weekend, and it is being compared by Ray Collins.
This is emblazoned on the FRONT page of the leaflet promoting the event, by the Chamber of Commerce!

The shame.

Ah, you've made me laugh out loud. I'm imagining the illustrious Ray Collins (who?) on a soapbox with a microphone, droning on and on about which towns have worse crime rates or better education stats. Flags of St George waving in the background.

God, it's tragic, though, isn't it? I hate that 'fayre' thing too.

Yeah - Ray Collins! He is going to - yes stand on a soapbox and diss us to Reigate.

So what you need to do is to write a witty letter to the local rag asking to what the 'Fayre' may be compared, and invite readers to compile a nice long list that Ray Collins (whoever he is) can read out on the day. A free hotdog at the Fayre can be given to the person with the best comparison!

Yes there is a "Plant Fayre" being inflicted upon the population of a village near us as well. I have to look at the poster by the ticket window at the station every day. It distresses me deeply.
Maybe the word plant should have a spare letter as well to balance it up? Say, "Plaxnt Fayre".

Reminds me of the great Linda Smith who came from Erith and who said that Erith didn't have a twin town. But it did have a suicide pact with Dagenham

I googled Ray Collins and he is either a dead actor or the editor of the good-life-Letter - example "Ray Collins a self-confessed health information junkie, find natural remedies and alternative heath solutions without ..."

I'm hoping it's the dead actor.

And it gets worse - inside the leaflet invites us to

-and I quote-

Munche on home made farmers market pyes
toaste St George with englishe Mead Cyder and Perry
Banquete on traditionale fishe and chipes
Cockles, wynkles, mussels and jellyed eels.

Will I have to move? Chipes. I mean....

PMSL@'Munche'

I wysh we had one round our way

you mean 'you wyfh' you had one. This is pedants corner, you know.

No that doesn't look right. 'You wifshe'? The wynkles cracked me up. Jonathon Woss has those.

Margo - that Linda Smith quote is wonderful. It's put a smile on my face after a rotten day! Thanks x

God bless you Linda!

I always think Fayre, with a silent Y .

LOL

As if adding an e to the end of every word makes it Olde World*e.

Where are you?

Ooh clarice do you want to come to the Fayre? To BANQUETE (is that even a verb?) on chipes? I think it's going to be rained off anyway, looking at the weathere forecaste?

Captainmummye - I woulde love to banquete on ye olde englishe chipes but I am wattlinge and daubing thate daye.

It is just so depressing on so many fronts.

Pysse myselfe laughynge atte ye spellynges!

at Erith's suicide pact with Dagenham.

Well we went to the fayre (a-dancing) but there were no wynkles or cockles, but there were pyes. And morris dancers, 'cept they wre all women! Is that allowed? Or is the country short on bells-jingling, stick-clashing, hankie-waving men?
(can't see why that would be...)