Estate agent's blurb for my flat is dreadful. What to do?

[midnightexpress]

Right, I need your advice. We're putting our flat on the market and the estate agent has sent through the marketing copy for our approval and it's dreadful. The punctuation is frightful and it's full of real estate agent garbage. I give you:

'The provided photographs and floor plan will give you a better indication as to the size and layout of the property however, in brief accommodation extends to; well maintained communal entrance hall and stairway accessed by security door system.'

'Two bedrooms, both double in size. The master of which provides lovely open views similar to those available from the lounge and both bedrooms have hardwood flooring under-foot.'

And so it goes on. But the question is, what do I do? I think they're really expecting me to just get back with any factual inaccuracies, rather than copy-editing the whole thing. Do you think they'd be offended if I re-wrote all their mangled prose? They would, wouldn't they?

Argh.

I would be inclined to re-write if it's just copy you're unhappy with.

My flat is in a "sort-after" street (but luckily it says sought after on my details)

One I saw recently: "bedroom has two 'glazed aspects'". Er, do you mean windows?

LOL it's all pish isn't it?

The blurb fr our flat states "the modern fitted bathroom consists of a white three piece bathroom suite with an additional mixer tap over bath shower which features a permanent shower head"

Who'd have thought a shower head was worth commenting on?

To be honest, all I want to know about are the photos and floorplan. I would look at the details for facts like garden size and freehold/leasehold details, but not for description.

However, I am now a little bit concerned about what hasn't been mentioned - there is flooring under foot, but is there wallage to all sides?

Wallage, roofage, floorage, doorage,

all pantage.

lol to wallage!
I love it when they talk about the radiators as though they are some magnificent fitting to be commented on. Oh, and 'ceiling rose', does anyone actually know what that is?

A friend bought a house that was "adjacently adjoined". So far as we could tell, this meant "semi-detached".

wallage to the side adds £££££s!

Floorplans definitely get my vote. Especially if you measure up rooms in your current house so you can compare, really useful!

If it doesn't have wallage to all sides it'll have a lovely aspect

Stealth, are you sure you aren't an estate agent?

Well one thing I will say is that Scottish schedules are far superior to their English counterparts ime. Floorplans are standard and they do nice glossy brochures for even the humblest abode (for which the vendor pays through the nosage, of course).

I've just remembered that the inventory for one rented house (not drawn up by an estate agent, admittedly, just a particularly dotty landlord) included "space above cupboard". We were never sure what they thought we might do if the space weren't inventoried -- concrete it in, perhaps? The same inventory did not mention the entire loft-full of stuff that was present, though; in idle moments we considered having a large bonfire or possibly a boot sale.

No, just a good bullsh*tter I've moved recently so it's all fresh in my mindage

For all you lovely pedants who made me laugh so much last night, I thought I'd let you know that I corrected the whole thing, deleted 'emulsioned' from 'decorated in neutral emulsioned tones' and sent it back to them with a 'silly old pernickety me' email, and told them how lovely the pictures they did were. They have been most charming about it, though as wildwoman suggested, are probably calling me 'bitch' as we speak. I'll let you know if they completely ignore everything I changed when I get the schedule back.

Lynne Truss would be proud of me.

I missed this thread last night but it has improved my otherwise dreary afternoon of howling, snot and That's Not My Train .

That's not my house...its walls are too emulsioned

taht's not my house... it's set under a slate roof

I rewrote our and they used my text.

If you're not happy can you change estate agents or have you signed a contract?

Stealth there is an EA round here called Wooster and Stock who write similar blurbs. I always read them, they are so entertaining.

wallage, surely spb?

Sorry, I rewrote "ours".

Lol yes, its wallage is too emulsioned.

"emulsioned" - that is simply brilliant. Emulsion is now a selling feature!!

My house must be worth a fortune - I have paint on every internal elevation and glossage on all woodworkage.

Not read the posts. But I woudl suggest either rewrite it yourself and take decent photos etc and be really strong to make them change it.

OR - go elsewhere