Estate agent's blurb for my flat is dreadful. What to do?

[midnightexpress]

Right, I need your advice. We're putting our flat on the market and the estate agent has sent through the marketing copy for our approval and it's dreadful. The punctuation is frightful and it's full of real estate agent garbage. I give you:

'The provided photographs and floor plan will give you a better indication as to the size and layout of the property however, in brief accommodation extends to; well maintained communal entrance hall and stairway accessed by security door system.'

'Two bedrooms, both double in size. The master of which provides lovely open views similar to those available from the lounge and both bedrooms have hardwood flooring under-foot.'

And so it goes on. But the question is, what do I do? I think they're really expecting me to just get back with any factual inaccuracies, rather than copy-editing the whole thing. Do you think they'd be offended if I re-wrote all their mangled prose? They would, wouldn't they?

Argh.

They will ignore most of your comments if they don't like them, speaking from experience. If there is anything really wrong in there, factually, you might get them to change it, otherwise no.

I am a dunce so it sounded ok, if I was the estate agent however, I wuld think "bitch" and act accordingly.

hah! would, see dunce!

Stuff whether they'd be offended. You want to sell your flat, after all. Re-write it.

Have you signed up? Is it too late to switch to another agent if you're getting such a bad vibe about this firm already.

Tis bad but is also very typical. An estate agent round here is popularising use of the word "holds" as in "this house holds a lovely position in a popular street"

Also have seen "hallway leading unto living room".

I would feel obliged to edit it becaues otherwise potential buyers would think they were buying from someone who had a poor grasp of English grammar and that would never do

re write it yourself. when i sold my last house i hated the photos they took so i re took them myself and told them to come back and re take them as i had done...ie not with 3/4 of the photo being ceiling...and the master bedroom photo showing the actual room, not just the foot of the bed. in today's market agents should be WORKING for their fee.

They all sound like this surely. I used to laugh at this sort of wording when house hunting. "Parking for two cars at the frontage" etc.

Half the pleasure in reading the blurbs is the ludicrous -ese, surely, midnight?

margo - that's exactly what I mean though. Surely everyone realises this is trying-to-be-intelligent estate agent speak. No-one actually thinks the owners wrote it, do they?

Photos are a different matter. We want big, clear, light photos, not some artistic close up of the bedside table!

lol M&J that's just what I think too, but I suspect that wildwoman may be right. It's such bizarre language isn't it? I wonder if anyone has done a study. The first paragraph has two peculiar uses of 'held', with the flat 'held within a traditional Glasgow tenement' and the flat 'held beneath a tiled roof' . You wot??

But I love a "hallway leading unto living room" - I imagine page boys walking backwards and tugging their forelocks as they progress down the hallway.

sorry "bedside tablage".

They have invited comments, and it is your flat after all. I would edit the whole text.

Agree stealth. You know it's been written by the spotty twelve year old with the over-sized suit who is earning £70k for being semi-literate [bitter smiley]

I didn't think "bitch" though

I think it stems from 19th century formal/legal language of property. But it's now hopelessly malaprop'd bcs most EA's are over-reaching numbskulls. Rather than lawyers. Not that lawyers can't be numbskulls etc.

So 'held' rather than 'is'...

Cf I was proceeding in a southerly direction

The garden possesses a pleasant aspect being only patially overlooked with mature shrubberage...
See I can do it too. When do I get my £70k?

Oh god, I didn't realise this usage was now widespread. I also love the way they try to make a feature of the fact that the property has a roof

thank you darlink

Bad prose is normal. And everybody reading it will know that. To be honest, everyone laughs at the writing and looks at price, location and room sizes.

partially
Ooh that would get me into trouble!
There's one estate agent round here whose adverts say things like "Wow!! We are so impressed to be selling this house"

Stealth you are a natural. Shrubberage

Well you lot have certainly cheered me up - am pmsl at M&J and onebat. And stealthpolarbear, I think you've missed your vocation!

Oh no I've just looked again, they've done up their website and employed someone over 12 to do the descriptions I could always count on reading a few of those to amuse me

Did you hear a while ago about an estate agent who prided themselves on writing honest descriptions? Can't remember if it was on the news or on here. So it would say something like "Bit dingy. Smells of cat wee. Handy for the tube"