Please please please can someone read this sentence for me....

[Pantone363]

Because I've read it so many times now it sounds clunky, wrong and I can't step away until I know its right or wrong.

"A conclusion will be reached to the main factors involved in obedience and if the results gathered from the Milgram experiment are valid insights into the psychology of obedience."

Is it too long? Too clunky? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Thanks, ta, merci, etc etc etc

oh god i'm so confused now!!

Essay title is to discuss the 3 main factors of obedience based on the Milgram experiment, evaluate the research and draw a conclusion...

Thanks everyone for your very helpful feedback!!

NO I at ALL.

It must be completely passive

"A conclusion will be reached to the main factors involved in obedience and if the results gathered from the Milgram experiment are valid insights into the psychology of obedience."

"Conclusions will be reached about the main factors involved in obedience and whether the results of the Milgram experiment are valid insights into the psychology of obedience."

Its from the intro to my essay.

I'm going to copy the intro here for clarification. JUST IN CASE MY TUTOR IS READING THIS I am not asking for anyone to re-write it, i'm proofreading through a third party which I think is allowed?!

Obedience as defined by the Oxford dictionary is ‘compliance with an order, request, law or submission to another’s authority’. This essay will seek to discuss the factors involved in obedience, when in doing so, a person rebels against their own conscience or learnt behaviour. Drawing mainly on Milgram’s 1963 ‘Behavioural study of obedience’ the contributing factors to obedience will be discussed and the research used to reach these conclusions will be evaluated. The main factors which will be discussed are the presence of an authority figure on the participant, the setting in which the experiment is carried out and the gradual commitment to the action being asked of the participant. Further studies into obedience will also be used to evaluate the results from the Milgram experiment and the trend for obedience when these factors are varied. If the results gathered from the Milgram experiment are valid insights into the psychology of obedience, then it will be possible to draw conclusions about the main factors involved in obedience.

Draw what sort of conclusion? Whether you agree? Which are valid and which aren't? Whether the research is valid and useful?
I'm confused, too!

oooh wait.

"discuss the 3 main factors of obedience based on the Milgram experiment, evaluate the research and draw a conclusion..."

This doesn't suggest the same thing at all as your sentence.

Your sentence suggests that you're evaluating whether the Milgram experiment ties in with the general principles of obedience to give a valid insight.

The way I read your essay title, your job is to establish the principles of obedience as defined by the Milgram experiment. Then, to evaulate the research and whether that holds water in the light of other authorities on obedience.

I think there's quite a difference in emphasis there, and I would worry that you may have missed the point of the title, given your sentence?

Pantone I wouldn't copy any more into Mumsnet or any other internet site. It is very highly likely to be found by a plagarism software, and although you are completely innocent there are two problems:

1. They may flag it and then have to investigate, until you're proven innocent.

1. Someone else may lift your work for their essay at a later date.

I think i'll ask MN to delete! Hadn't thought of that. I need to step away from MN and look at it with fresh eyes. I feared I may be veering off point.

Thanks all

it does sound like, given the essay title, you have r twisted it a bit.