Do all parents want to stay at a party for a 4yo?

[woodlandfaerie]

We are having a party for DDs 4th birthday. We sort of got carried away, found it difficult to reduce numbers, so there will be 8 children including DD.

We have a flat, and we are going to be organising a military operation here, all planned, 2 hours and every minute catered for! DD's bedroom is big, and fun, so her room is going to be the 'party room' (we are going to move her bedroom into DS room as he is not in it atm) and the front room will be the party food room, with table and all the chairs.

Now, what I had not banked on, or rather had banked on NOT happening, is all the parents wanting to stay. We guessed they would drop and run, or most of them at least. We will have a sofa and some chairs for them to sit on, will have the kitchen but no table to sit at (in the front room!) and it is a flat after all. I have just received a text from one of the children's parents saying 'we will stay if that is ok' (i asked if they would be staying or leaving child, so i know how many to do coffee/cake for).

Is it ok to ask the other parents to drop their children off, or am I expected to host for potentially 16 parents, as this couple said 'we will be staying, not i. (plus us, plus DDs aunt who is helping, so 19 adults!!!) If so, this is going to be a disaster.

I would assume that the majority of parents would want to just drop off their child - I know I would! It does depend on whether the children will let their parents leave. My DS is very shy in social situations and sometimes it can take a while before he's comfortable enough for me to leave iykwim.
But I think by asking whether they are staying or leaving may make some parents think that they're expected to stay. Also the offer of coffee and cake may encourage some.
Can you not be honest and explain that you haven't much room and that it would be more convenient if they just dropped off their child?

Yes agree they've got the wrong end of the stick...you're sounding like you want them to stay perhaps?

Tell them it's not possible otherwise it'll be one long party playing sardines.

Sorry but every 4 yo party my DC have been to, nearly every parent stayed. At 5 yo its been about 70% staying.

You could try and encourage them to leave by having a signing in sheet where they write their name and mobile number next to their child's name so they know (a) you know that child is there and (b) you'll contact them if you need to.

Also worth having a column for illnesses/allergies. Sounds OTT but after having to call 999 for boy having asthma attack its something I learned the hard way!

But for any adults who do stay, leave mugs/tea bags/coffee out on the kitchen side by kettle with sign 'Adults, Please Help Yourself to Drinks'. Then you can pretty much ignore them and it won't seem rude.

Hope the party goes really well.

Pretty much all parents have stayed at all the 4yo parties we've been to. The only exceptions have been when they can't because siblings have chicken pox or where another parent staying knows a child very well and is happy to look after them.

yes I think you are right, i phrased it wrong with that person, so lesson learnt, but before telling others that dropping off is best, i wanted to check that is ok, good, glad it is!

I don't mind these couple staying, as they are nice people (not that the others are not, but I have met the woman of this couple a few times with her little one and mine to play), and we are probably fine for say another 1 or 2.

Thanks!

Tell them you're short of space and can have one parent maximum, if they really don't want to leave the dc.

I always dropped mine off at 4 and left, unless the hosts wanted help or were particular friends of mine. Most people left their children at our parties for 4yos too, especially if you let them know it's ok. Maybe you can make it clear you're happy for them to do so and have plenty of adult help.

I think I will say that I would prefer the children to be dropped off due to space, and then hopefully some will be happy to do just that, two of them are known to us, so their parents will most likely want to go do a bit of shopping instead, so that is 2 less, ok no, 4 less. Then, if some of those want to come with their children, I can say only one adult per child (to allow for those who are worried about accidents/illness to be present), and do as riverofsleep suggest, leave a big pot of coffee out for those who do stay.

I like the idea of knowing about allergies in advance. I should have asked that on the invite anyway really. I will make sure I check that out.

oh I would drop and run as fast as I could

fennel that is what I am hoping. They will be ultra supervised, there is not going to be any 'free play' as such, as we just don't have the space to let 8 children run wild. We have it planned:

12noon arrive, up to DDs room to play, one of us will greet children/parents and one of us will be up playing music and being supervisor.

12:15pm - party games x 2 upstairs (2-3 adults)

12:45pm - food downstairs, music, general chaos (1 adult sorting, then all of us downstairs while they eat)

1:15pm - cake/happy birthday song

1:30pm - party games x 2 (pinata if I get around to making it)

2pm - leave!

I think if you make it clear there isn't much space, there are already enough adults, and you're happy for children to be left, you'll get quite a few parents gratefully dropping and sprinting off for an hour or so.

Asking parents if they intend to stay and mentioning coffee and cake is giving them the impression they're welcome or expected to stay. don't be too hospitable!

i always leave wine or soft cold drinks out for the adults staying, you can spend half a party making teas and coffees if you start down that route. Wine is less hassle for the host.

i did not mention coffee and cake, i think she wants to stay tbh as her dd is a bit clingy (or she is, not figured out which ).

Oh yes, wine. but is that ok at midday? I won't be partaking myself till they have all gone.

I was going to just make a jug of fresh, and leave the coffee pot on so people can top it up. DH will be happy to duck out of the kids supervising leaving me and aunty to do the hard work while he 'checks on the adults'

Probably parents with one child will want to stay, and parents with more than one (I think you've got a couple haven't you, toccatanfudge?) will want to drop and run.

Everyone stays at third birthday parties don't they, so first time parents are sure of the done thing yet.

ok, so that will be 5 lots of parents then! as I think all the nursery children are only children! apart from the ones staying already, they have a baby.

So, i shall count on 5 lots, then if only one parent of each stays, that will be 5 adults, plus us 3, so 8 adults. Doable at a push, I will send them into our courtyard as it is looking quite lovely atm with an abundance of flowers and greenness, they can admire my courgettes!

no, 5 adults and 3 adults supervising, so that is only 5 adults to 'take care of' so to speak.

ok, panic over.

Just need to wait for other people to confirm their attendance!

I suggested to parents that they drop off their children at my 4 year olds party. It was for space reasons but I do find that they all behave better when their parents without their parents! I put a list for phone numbers next to the door

good idea about tel numbers, od idea about so DH shall be in charge of 'meet and greet' and will take names/tel numbers and confirm allergies/etc and send them on their way. If they insist on staying, he can pour the coffee, while I have fun with the children!

I have stayed at all the parties DD has been to, but tbh it has been required/presumed I think as it has been at soft play centres, so space not an issue.

Had dd2's 4th birthday party on Tuesday. There were 8 children and None of the parents stayed. I very much doubt that many parents will stay. It's much better if they don't as I feel more relaxed.

We offered glass of wine at pick up time ..... Most people had one.

Good luck I'm sure they'll have a good time.

I'd stay at 4.

ok, so that is about 50:50 (a guess, have not added it all up!) so in that case, lets say half of the nursery children will stay, those we know won't. So, that is the couple, plus 2 others, 4. I can do 4

Oh i like the idea of wine at pick up, that is 2pm on a sunday, a respectable time !

I'm an entertainer and do a few hundred parties every year.

IME a lot of parents do stay at age 4 and most go at age 5. Having said that, if the party is in someone's home, rather than a hall, parents are less inclined to stay.

Last Friday I did a 4 year olds party and space was limited, most parents left. I did notice that some parensts asked the host mum if she wanted/needed them to stay which I think was nice.

I would get DH by the front door taking mobile numbers which infers you'd like people to drop and go if poss.

If the parties at home it's really the same principle as having a school friend over for tea/lunch. Parents don't stay for that, do they?

DD went to a 4 yo birthday party the other week and to me it looked like most of the parents were there, and in most cases, both parents. However, this was in a hall which might have been why they stayed.

We cannot have both parents here. We just simply cannot have more adults than children. If that were the case, we would just do the old get adults together and get pissed while pretending it is for the children type party and invite our family/friends instead! This party is for DD!

I have emailed one parent, she is fine to drop off. So that is one set down, plus the two i know who will drop off already, so that is 3 out of seven. that means 5 max will stay (with those who have already said yes, the couple) Better. I told DH the whole drawn out process, he had not considered it, when i told him xx was staying and he went white as a sheet and said 'can i just go out and leave you to it? i am scared' then he said 'promise me, before you continue with the conversation, promise there will not be 18 adults. promise'

I held a party for a 6year old this weekend virtually all the parents stayed- with assorted siblings, this was a complete pain even though it was in a huge hall with an entertainer The kids were running back to parents the enitre time, the siblings were running around everywhere, the parents were amking more noise chatting than the poor kids and several times the poor entertainer had to ask them to be quiet as the kids couldnt hear him doing his magic, he was ignored it was a nightmare, i tried to round up the kids to get them back to the party because the parents are there you cant be too harsh with them but if they werent we would have told them to sit and shut up and pay attention to the party instead of sitting around playing with toys they had brought with them WTF !! i would in future state on the invite that it is a drop and run due to limited space etc and actually i probably wont do another party for 25 kids again, its the bowling alley next year for five mates maximum Rant over and of course the birthday child had a great time .

I've just started a thread about how to word invitations so that parents don't want to hang around to my DD's 5th party.

Most of the ones she went to last year (i.e 4th parties), parents left their children.