4th birthday part etiquette!

[fifitot]

Have asked my DD's nursery for a list of the children she has as friends in her class. The ones she plays with most. My idea is to invite them to her party but can't afford to invite all the kids, hence the list. It was the nursery's idea - apparently that's what everyone does.

Anyway I have got a list back with some names I have never heard of from DD! Some of the ones I do know and she talks about are on there, some aren't. I know some of these kids' parents, but not others and definately there are some names not on there, where my DD was invited to THEIR party. Plus it's a longer list than I had hoped!

It's a minefield IMO.

Should I go on what nursery tell me or ask DD - though she's likely to tell me whoever she likes on the day. Can I edit some of them out on the basis I don't know their parents or is that unreasonable.

I know that at the end of the day it's a big fuss about something quite small and that we shouldn't get embroiled in daft stuff like this but would welcome some advice! Thanks.

How big is the list? I would personally set a limit on how many guests you want and then go through the list with your DD's keyworker so you can pick the children she definately plays with up to this number.

DD will be 4 this month - she gave me a list of names, but then I checked with her keyworker that a) she did indeed get on with them and b) that they all actually existed (DD has an active imagination!), but I set the number of guests, not DD or the nursery.

Don't edit them out on the basis that you don't know the parents though, I don't know many of the parents at nursery and I would feel sad for DD if she was excluded on that basis, you might not have met them, but you might actually find you get on with them!

At this age birthday lists can change from day to day. Sometimes children don't invite their best friends - dd did this and her explanation was something along the lines that she plays with them in a group every day at nursery, so what's the point inviting them to her party as she won't be able to play with them alone? Shed rather invite them to a playdate. There's a certain mad logic to this, but it made me realise I needed to take control of the list!

Discuss with her keyworker, and don't necessarily go by whether you know the parents.

I wouldn't worry too much about returning ivitations. It's not possible to limit the size if you do this. But you could invite those children to playdates.

My DTDs are 4 next month. In the past, we've had small parties and just invited their friends from twins group (I know all the mums) but this year, I've asked them who they would like to invite. They came up with about half a dozen names from nursery, all of whom I've heard them mention repeatedly, plus the usual gang from twins group who are the friends they see most often. I'm not going to bother to ask nursery as I know they are likely to come up with a longer list!

I agree with Bingtata about the parent thing - I only know one of the mums from nursery, but am still going to invite the others.

Thanks. I guess it's my DD's party in the end and she should invite who she wants really!

Nice of nursery to help I guess but they aren't paying for the party!