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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

Original poster

So how bad is getting RSVPs then?

25 replies

Bingtata · 21/05/2010 18:01

We just gave out DD's party invitations for next month - the nursery gave them out to parents for me. I'm really nervous about doing this party - I hate parties but DD will be 4 and REALLY wanted one so I bit the bullet. When are people likely to RSVP? Please tell me I won't have to chase people! And if I do what do I say without sounding like a loon demanding to know if they are coming or not? I don't knoe the rules of all this

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 21/05/2010 18:04

Have zero low expectations, and then if anyone most people do reply you will be pleasantly surprised

Original poster
Bingtata · 21/05/2010 18:07

But then how will I know if anyone will come?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bingtata · 21/05/2010 18:09

Sorry, I see what you mean I'm being far too uptight aren't I?

I'm just so worried that DD has her little heart set on this party and so want at least a couple of people to come. I gave out 10 invites, please tell me there is at least a likelihood of 50% attendance

OP posts:
MrsJohnDeere · 21/05/2010 18:11

I was shocked at how bad people were at RSVPing. For ds1's 4th birthday I sent out invites 4 weeks in advance (party was 3 days after return to pre-school for Easter). Sent out 25 invites. With only a week to go I'd only had 6 replies. I ended up putting reminder notes in childrens' folders at pre-school.

I'd given phone, text, email options to make it as effortless as possible.

Fwiw, the 'noes' were the ones to let me know early on.

stealthsquiggle · 21/05/2010 18:12

Telepathy, apparently, according to those who consider it OK not to reply.

(I do get very wound up on the subject, and am somewhat obsessive about always replying promptly myself, but it's a warm sunny afternoon and I am trying to teach DS how not to let people wind him up )

Seriously? Leave it as near to the time as you can bear and then either do the ultra-casual "I was just checking because I need to sort out food - will X be able to come to DD's party?" - or if you don't know the parents then enlist the help of the nursery staff to gently chase.

Did you put lots of RSVP options? email and mobile number are handy - I seem to get more replies by text than any by other means (other than me chasing).

Original poster
Bingtata · 21/05/2010 18:18

I put as many contact options on as I could, so they can just text or email. I guess I will have to leave it as late as I can manage and then chase. Then she is never having another party again

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 21/05/2010 18:23

It does gets easier, IME - as they get older you can make maximum use of pester power and get the DC to chase for themselves ("Mummy's making party bags - your Mummy needs to let her know if you are coming otherwise she won't know to make a bag for you")

Good Luck. Hold your nerve. The general consensus amongst rude inconsiderate serial non-responders seems to be that no response generally means yes.

Willabywallaby · 21/05/2010 18:38

I thought a non response would be no?!?

DS2's birthday party tomorrow, sent 5 invites to nursery and didn't hear from 1 of them.

franch · 22/05/2010 09:01

When do you actually need an answer, in practical terms (sorting food, etc)? The earliest you can chase is about 2 weeks ahead I think - be casual, and say you're shopping for party bags or something.

Original poster
Bingtata · 07/06/2010 10:41

Ok, so Ive held my nerve, it is now 12 days until the party and I can't hold it any longer!

I've had 4 RSVPs but just want to check whether the other children will be coming or not so that I can sort out party bags and food - I'm limited on time due to work commitments.

So, given that I most likely won't bump into these parents due to various daycare pick up times, what would you prefer if you haven't RSVP'd to a party:

  1. A little reminder note - how would you word it?

  2. a tick list with DD's keyworker to say if coming or not

  3. For me to sod off because you clearly don't want to bring your child to my child's party or you would have bloody RSVP'd

  4. To have no reminder because you will do it in your own good time thanks.

OP posts:
CMOTdibbler · 07/06/2010 10:45

A reminder note, and ask the staff if they could ask the parents.

I know that several parents find invitations down the back of the car seat or in nursery bags, especially it seems if Dad is the picker upper for some reason

Original poster
Bingtata · 07/06/2010 10:52

OK, so how would this be:

Dear XXXX

We would really like to see you at DD's birthday party on Saturday, we hope you got the invite! Just so we can make sure we have enough food and party bags, could you let us know if you will be able to make it or not?

Thanks
Bingtata and DD

OP posts:
CMOTdibbler · 07/06/2010 11:07

Sounds good to me - you could even put in a line to say something like 'You can just let keyworker know if that is easier, and she'll pass the message on'

ZZZenAgain · 07/06/2010 11:08

you will have to chase some of them up

Original poster
Bingtata · 07/06/2010 11:20

Ok, will sort reminder notes out tonight. Thanks for the handholding. I can't believe I am a capable grown woman who is left quivering in the corner when faced with organising a children's party.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 07/06/2010 11:21

do you have the phone numbers, it would be simpler to call

Original poster
Bingtata · 07/06/2010 11:27

No ZZZenAgain, I don't have the phone numbers or I would call - I could cope with that!

OP posts:
Linnet · 07/06/2010 11:34

My dd2's party was a couple of weeks ago. She invited 9 kids from her class. Out of the 9, 5 spoke to me/phoned to say they could come 1 spoke to me to say they couldn't and we didn't hear anything from the other 3. It really annoys me.

Original poster
Bingtata · 07/06/2010 11:43

Did you get those replies early Linnet?

OP posts:
healthymum12 · 07/06/2010 11:55

It happens with all parties, many parents don't organse anything in advance. I usually put a reply by date on the invitation and then chase the parents for responses if they haven't replied by that date. If they are really not sure (we have a number of single parents with complicated arrangements and unreliable ex's) I usually have a few spare party bags and tell them to just turn up on the day if they can.

Good luck with the party and try to enjoy it as it'll make it a better day for your DD if you're having fun too...

Original poster
Bingtata · 07/06/2010 13:01

Thanks healthymum, I will try to relax and have fun too - at least we will have a little party if nothing else!

OP posts:
gramercy · 07/06/2010 13:07

Bingtata, your reminder note is excelllent - very polite.

But I think you will have to don your hard hat to deal with people's potential rudeness. When ds had a party I tentatively asked a non-replying mum if her ds could come, and she breezily said "Oh, yes, if nothing else comes up."

It seems a lot of people have no manners.

Original poster
Bingtata · 07/06/2010 13:31

Thanks gramercy, will get that hat out now then!

OP posts:
Linnet · 08/06/2010 22:36

Bingtata, yes the ones who replied replied straight away.
What annoys me is that my older dd's class was never like this, you invited people they replied straight away. This dd's class looks like it's going to be a totally different kettle of fish.

notimetoshop · 08/06/2010 22:45

The first one I gave I did say to the entertainer, well there are 13 kids but 5 haven't replied, so they may be coming.
She said, no, if they don't reply they're not coming - she was right.

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