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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

How do I word this so people definitely don't think they are invited?

25 replies

OnnaStick · 04/05/2010 08:34

Dd and I have had a bit of a misunderstanding. She thought she was inviting her entire class to her birthday party. She just can't because we have already invited all local friends and family and out of school friends. (She is going to be 4).

I have ascertained that one thing she is disappointed about is that she won't get to go to the trays and put an invitation in everyone's tray.

As a compromise, I have said that we can send in cakes and party hats for everyone to share / wear at snack time. I have also said she can give her class friends a little party bag and put THAT in each tray.

I want to put a little note in each with a picture of dd and something along the lines of "thank you for celebrating my birthday with me" but everything I write could be misconstrued as an invitation. A lot of dd's classmate's parents speak very little English so I want to be really clear.

What can I write?

OP posts:

Original poster

OnnaStick · 04/05/2010 08:35

How about "thank you for sharing my birthday cake with me!"

OP posts:

MrsMargate · 04/05/2010 08:48

Um, no need to write a note at all imo.

grumpyasallpoliticiansarepants · 04/05/2010 08:53

OFGS! A picture of dd, cake and party bags for 30 odd kids just so she doesn't miss out on a five minute experience. Words fail me, but really? Do you want this to be a pattern?

QueenMuvva · 04/05/2010 08:55

I agree with grumpy. Way OTT. Send in a cake. Give the invites to people who are invited. Stop the madness unless you want to breed a precious little princess.

stealthsquiggle · 04/05/2010 09:00

Send in cake. Nothing else. Otherwise you will be setting a precedent you really don't want to have to live with. Yes she will be disappointed, but she will get over it very quickly.

fartmeistergeneral · 04/05/2010 09:02

It will all be forgotten by the next day. Agree with grumpy etc.

waitingforbedtime · 04/05/2010 09:02

Yes I agree Im afraid youre going over the top. Send in a cake (or a cupcake each) and that's it. Is she getting to invite any of her friends from school? Just give those invites separately.

(Also check youre allowed to take cake in, ds is only at nursery but isnt allowed)

ZacharyQuack · 04/05/2010 09:04

For the sake of all the other parents in the class - please don't set such an OTT precendent for birthday celebrations.

Original poster

OnnaStick · 04/05/2010 10:32

Lol @ Mumsnet. Thanks all for your thoughts. I really did want advice on the wording of the card, not whether or not I was being OTT.

I shall think of something myself.

OP posts:

Chloe55 · 04/05/2010 10:49

You could write what you said but just add at the end 'today' - that way parents should not assume a forthcoming party.

Magaly · 04/05/2010 10:52

How about

"It's my birthday, please have some cake!"

If my child got that, I certainly wouldn't think they were being treated to anything more htan a bit of cake.

clam · 04/05/2010 10:52

You're going to do party bags for 30 children? In addition to the actual party you're giving?

Okaaaayyyy.......

Magaly · 04/05/2010 10:56

The social aspect of inviting, sharing, enjoying others' participation in one's birthday is very important.

My son is on the spectrum and he's at a special school. this is what they do for birthdays. They go around handing out invitations. The child has to say 'here you go 'name' and the other child has to say thank you 'name'.

Even for an nt child I think it's an important social lesson about invitations, gratitude, sharing in another child's celebration... I suppose all that stuff comes naturally to nt children. but anyway, it's not a huge waste of time either. imo

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 04/05/2010 11:01

Check with the school about sending in cake - you might not be allowed to send in a home made one, but a shopbought one (with all the ingredients listed) might be ok - but might not.

When my dses were little, it was the norm to send in sweets on your dc's birthday - those little multipacks - to be given out at the end of the day.

Or you could do a little birthday cake picnic in the park after school - then your dd gets to give out the little invites - "Please join me in The Park straight after school for a slice of birthday cake - 3.15pm - 3.45pm".

I don't think you need to do party bags for all the class - that is OTT and could turn into a very expensive tradition.

ditavionteased · 04/05/2010 11:07

your dd will be dissapointed, how about the dc who is constantly told, yes I know so and so gave you cake because it is their birthday, no you can't eat it, yes I know everyone else can and is having fun but you can't sorry, yes if I had known in advance I would have got you a treat myself, cue an hour of crying about not being like everybody else.
Jusat so you can see the downside.

Original poster

OnnaStick · 04/05/2010 11:15

Not sure where this figure of 30 children has come from. There are 13 children in dd's class.

I am not setting any precidents, believe me. We live outside the UK in a very wealthy la la city where only last week one of the girls in my dd's class brought in a brand new Barbie doll for each of the girls, and it wasn't even her birthday! Birthdays here are a Big Deal. I'm afraid I don't really want to spend hundreds on a party to keep up with the Al MacJonses, so instead dd is having a little party at home with her home friends. There will be egg sandwiches and pass the parcel.

However, as Magalay put it so well, the social aspect of these things at this age is important. I am not "breeding a precious little princess" (thank you QueenMuvva), but my rather sweet nearly 4-yo misunderstood and thought she would get to put something in everyone's trays as everyone else has done so far. She had been excited about that. I hadn't realised. She has not made a fuss. I just thought it was no bother at all for me to make up some little party bags with sweets and a balloon or something, and put in a little card to say who it was from.

I asked about what to write on the card (which would have a picture of her on them because she is so pleased with the invitations we sent her home friends that have the same picture on them - 5 minutes in Microsoft Word).

It is fine to send in a home made cake.

OP posts:

MadameCastafiore · 04/05/2010 11:18

Sorry maybe I am an idiot but if there isn't something in there stating date, time and venure I have a hard time getting to said party and come to the conclusoin that maybe it is because I am not invited?????

WhiteNoise · 04/05/2010 11:22

I am glad i waited for you to elaborate a bit.

Initially i was a bit now you have explained a bit further i don't think there is need for cards at all, especially not with your DD surrounded by her presents! Just a little bag is fine - no confusion over whether the card is an invite or not if there is none

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 04/05/2010 11:25

The figure of 30 children arose because we didn't know you were outside the UK and that your dd was in a class of only 13 - in the UK a class size of 30 in Reception is quite normal - hence the confusion.

Original poster

OnnaStick · 04/05/2010 11:39

Lol MadameCastafiore - you do speak sense.

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 04/05/2010 11:40

That does give an entirely different context to your OP!

I agree "Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me today" - along with the complete lack of party details - should make it clear (worst case you get a couple of confused 'phone calls ).

GypsyMoth · 04/05/2010 11:42

'i HAD a great birthday,thanks for sharing my cake'.....using the word 'had' makes it clear its over

deepdarkwood · 04/05/2010 11:50

How about "dear xxxx, Thanks for sharing my birthday cake with me at breaktime today, Love xxx."

I think you need to be crystal clear, as (ime, which does not include la la city ) this is unusual behaviour - as such you need to be really upfront about what has gone on.

Auntyviral · 04/05/2010 11:54

None for my child please

stealthsquiggle · 04/05/2010 12:03

The whole question of home-made cakes / sweets / whatever is academic if, as the OP suggests, there are precedents of other people doing this.

Neither DS's year group nor DD's nursery contain anyone with serious allergies - so we have always been OK to send in cake, and both occasionally get given sweets. In a small group it is easier to manage these things, and if anyone did have an allergy I (for one) would adapt anything I send in accordingly. Presumably the same is true of the OP's DD's class.

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