Etiquette re double booked playdate/party age 2

[aarghhelp]

We have been invited to lunch by a friend also with a 23 month old. We now have an invite for a 2nd birthday party from a nursery playmate, from 11-1pm.

My first thought was go to the party then go on to lunch. However, I am now thinking, is DS (23 mo) going to be over-excited and exhausted by lunchtime, in which case is this going to make for an awful afternoon?

He usually has a nap midafternoonish and is gen. quite good natured but like any toddler has his moments.

This will only be the 2nd birthday party he has been to. However, we went to the nursery Xmas party and he really enjoyed it and then howled at the end, I think because he had to go away. I am thinking, nipping off to go on to lunch might be more difficult than I had reckoned at first.

As a first time mum I have not got used to the politics and practicalities of toddler social life so any advice welcome!

Would you just go to one or the other social event do you think, or is there potential to combine both and do you have any tips for easing things?

If you accepted the lunch date it takes priority I reckon and will probably be nicer all round.

I would say no to the party but ask the mum and her child round for a cup of tea and an hour's play (if you like them) to show it's not a rebuff.

How good a friend? If someone I knew well, I would say something along the lines of 'you know what its like nothing for months and then two things on the same day, are you able to do x day for lunch instead?'

If you do rearrange, no matter who invites you to a party, IMHO it would be bad form to cancel the 2nd date.

Regretfully say no to the party. Prior engagement.

Definitely don't try to do both!

I always think toddlers' parties aren't that important tbh - my 3-year-old barely knows which she has been invited to and certainly doesn't notice if she misses one iyswim. The only exception is if we are family friends iyswim. Definitely keep the lunch date.

I'd go with the lunch - it will probably take you ages to rearrange and trying to fit in both will give you tired children only fit for a nap.

At 2yo children will hardly register/remember who goes to parties - the party will still go ahead even if you don't turn up. Just be honest with the other mum - maybe even send a little card and present.

Just ask your friend if you could do lunch another day?
How close is the date?