DD not been given a invitation to a party - what should I do?

[fifitot]

My DD is 3.5 and at nursery. She is very friendly with a little girl there and I speak to the mum alot at pick up times. They have been to each other's parties in the past. I noticed when I dropped DD off at nursery today, there were invites for the other kids in her class on the shelf - but not DD.

I feel a bit gutted but if she's not invited then so be it but I can't help feeling it's the mum's oversight or the invite got lost or something. I really can't imagine why my DD would be practically the only one not invited.

I probably won't bump into this mum before the party but wondered if it was bad form to maybe ask nursery staff to discretly ask if DD had an invitation? Don't want to put the mum on the spot but at the same time if there has been an error then don't want DD to miss out!

Also my DD will ask about it, I have no doubt so need to get my answers ready! probably just say we can't go I suppose.

Bloody hell - etiquette issues at 3 years old!

Ask the teacher?
This happened a few times at dd's nursery, sometimes it was simply an oversight, sometimes, unfortunately, not all the children were invited. If you are quite friendly with the family though, it's more likely to be the former.

I am going to be very mean but why do parents always assume their Dcs should be invited to all the parties? I really do not get it.

What's wrong with telling your Dd that unfortunately she has not been invited to that particular party but that it is not the end of the world?

I feel that a lot of insecurities children will face in the future come from this type of situations that has been dealt very badly by us parents, we have to wake up and admit our dcs are not always everyones best friend and that parents sometimes for simple budget reason cannot invite everybody.

Yes but I have a feeling that's not the case in this situation. Her mother was only talking to me last month about what she was thinking of for the party. I could be wrong of course.

I am quite happy to accept it if she's not invited but it is a bit difficult to explain to a 3 .5 year old that everyone in her class is going somewhere and she isn't.

it's not the schools responsibility to sort out your dd's social life. Sorry.
If you want to iron this out then call the mother and ask her if things are ok between the two girls, don't expect an invite though.
I understand it's not nice to feel your dd has been excluded but they are only 3.5, it will be forgotten fairly soon.

Oh well fair enough. Maybe I'm just a bit more democratic than others - I would never excude a class mate from my daughter's party. I think it's mean.

could you not give the mum a card for the friend a few days before the party? that might open up a conversation along the lines of 'oh arent you comming to the party?'

I meant exclude!

Thanks for your ideas. May just leave it then. Don't want to put anyone on the spot but still think it's an oversight, every other kid seems to be going.

Is there another child with the same name? When my dd was little I was chatting to another mum and it turned out her dd had not received the invite for my dd's party - the nursery staff had put it in the cubby for another child with the same name...

But if not I think it's best not to say anything. Your dds may have had a minor falling out and the other girl may have said she didn't want to invite your dd. It's always a bit awkward when the parents are still friendly but ime it's best to be friendly with people because you like them, not purely because your dcs are friends.

DS is always coming home with someone elses invitation in his bag. I really don't think its that big a deal asking the staff if an invitation has gone astray (out of earshot of DD of course). We are grown ups! It really isn't that big a deal to say to the staff (or the mum directly) "I really do understand that DD may not be invited, but if she is we haven't had an invitation"

We didn't get an invite to DS's very best friends party last Sunday - turns out that she texted me and my phone wasn't working.

Luckily she mentioned it in passing a couple of days before.

I think if you are going to hand the invites out through nursery it is incredibly mean to exclude one or two kids.

Different if it is boys only or girls only or a small group, but really some of you think leaving a couple out is fine?!

Most nurserys i know, will have nothing to do with the invites unless it is a whole class party.

"Different if it is boys only or girls only or a small group, but really some of you think leaving a couple out is fine?!"

No, it is not fine as such, but one has to accept to not be invited, even if it is not "fair".

OP says she saw the invite for the children on the shelf, there is no indication that without the shadow of a doubt every other child in the class has been invited.

I think Threeblondeboys's idea is good - at least you'll know then if your D has been excluded or not. If invitation is lost, they could think you just ignored it or forgot!

My daughter didn't get invited to a party that all her friends were going to. I DIDN'T say anything, turns out her invitation was given to another girl with the same name. Birthday boys mum apologized to me (which she really didn't have to) after the party as a child she didn't even know had turned up!

Think it's probably an oversight. I think I WOULD say something like but in a very grovelling/understanding way.

I've not done anything about it. I kind of mentioned it to the nursery staff who said they were suprised my DD wasn't invited as she and the birthday girl are good friends.

I just think that the lesson is - if you are not going to invite every child in the class, at least put the invites into an envelope so the uninvited ones' parents don't see they've been snubbed!