2nd birthday dilema...advice please!

[mamasunshine]

Hi, my ds is 2 in March and I have no idea what to do? I have ideas, however my parents and in-laws to not get on and I can see it getting very awkward/uncomfortable. Ideas and problems with each:

1. Have tea party at home with a couple of ds's friends and invite both sets of grandparents and b and sil with cousin. Live in fairly small 2 bedroom house, will be a squeeze to accomodate people. Having fewer people ther will mean both sets of parents will have to speak more than they would want to. Bad atmosphere being obvious to our friends Also big issues with my parents and my b and sil (my dh's family have caused me a lot of quite recent heartache/problems so my parents are very loyal/protective over me and my son's).

2. Hire a village hall and entertainer, therefore being able to invite more people, making for lesser bad atmosphere etc. Big expense, which we can't really afford, but will find the money if have to

3. Go to a zoo or something for the day with friends and invite both sets of grandparents - again uncomfortable.

4. Go to zoo with friends - don't invite grandparents. Pop and see grandparents seperately on ds's actual birthday (bit of a pain as my parents live an hr's drive away so the whole day would be taken up seeing both sets)

5. My parents have offered for us to stay at their's for the weekend, inviting my cousin and her dc to stay as well, and to all go out for the day. We would have a geat time, but again can't leave parents inlaw out???

6. Runaway and hide with my dh and dc!!

Please help. I know we're going to upset people whatever we do anyway Thank you for reading - it's quite long!!

don;t do anything then - it sjould be this stressful

he is only 2 and IMO a bit young for a zoo/entertainer plus it is very expensive

TBH (and DH's parents are divorced and re-married) I have always done a tea party invited everyone

if your In laws can't behave at a 2 year olds party then that it their issue

4 but don't visit either on the day. If you feel the need to host, give a day and just say to drop in for lunch or tea (have a load of snack type food so it doesn't matter who comes when.

Thanks for your quick replies! You're right it shouldn't be this stressful, but unfortunately due to all the family 'issues' it ALWAYS is! Thinking the idea of having snacky bits in and inviting people to pop in over the duration of a day is good. Maybe do something with our friends in the morning, then have lunch and beyond an open house. I wish my dh would be of use in this dilema...he's just leaving me to decide as usual!

Saturday: small tea party and cakes with grandparents, b, sil, cousing

Sunday: small tea party and cakes with other grandparents.

Works well, I've done it.

What you do now sets the path of what will be expected later on.

If you do separate parties for family memebers that don't get on you'll be doing this each time -or expected to.

Do what you, Dh and, more importantly, ds would like and let the others get on with it.

also, if you do separate parties then your ds will ask why. Better to get your relatives used to behaving now when he's young and won't remember should anything kick off!

They should be fine though...my dad and Dh's mother absolutely hate each other and desperately try to hog ds 2/3. We invite them all and let them get on with it. It's quite entertaining to watch my dad wheel ds 2 off away from her and see her try to get him back without actually talking to my dad at all.

hahaha muppetgirl that would be my dad and mil trying to hog ds! We already do 2 xmas's!! We actually ate 2 xmas dinners 1 yr I'm such a softie for 'keeping the peace', but it's getting too much now with 2 under 2!

His bday actually falls on a sun this yr so the 1 that had the sat party would be ...and it's bloody mothering sun

Yep my MIL swapped the name place cards around on the top table when we got married so she didn't have to sit next to my dad!

Dh and I just think it's funny now

Understand your prob. My Bro & SIL had similar issues & ended up having 2 parties a year for about 10 yrs - v. expensive! Some community centres can be quite reasonable (ours is only about £20 for a couple of hrs). Keep costs down by holding the party just after lunchtime & giving children food boxes (bought cheaply off i/net) then filling with a few bits, rather than making piles of food and subsequent piles of waste! Take flasks for tea and coffee so you don't miss half the party making drinks and make a few sandwiches or fairy cakes available for adults. Introduce a couple of understanding friends to each side of the family to give them people to talk to and the atmosphere should dissipate. My MIL could kill a smile at 200 paces and we've all survived DD's parties!!

for dds 2nd b'day we went to the zoo, then had a cousins and grandparents round to play and have cake. she loved it!

How about a tea party at home with a couple of friends and say to the grandparents that you'll bring along a small cake and couple of candles next time you visit them... we've done something similar for the past few years, not because our parents don't get on (in fact they do and regularly go and stay at each other's homes!) but because we don't want to set a precedent of birthdays being about the grandparents and their needs over and above our children's wishes to celebrate their birthdays with friends.

Our DD has never questioned why she has 3 cakes/present unwrapping sessions, she loves it and it has kept everyone happy.