How many of the class to invite to a 5 yr old's party?

[wonderingwondering]

DD is in reception. She plays with lots of children in her class, and from other classes.

She's having her birthday party in Jan. I've got a hall and an entertainer. But I also have a large family, nieces, nephews, godchildren. So family plus her pre-school (since birth) friends and their parents makes 18 children and about 40 adults.

So - it is a large hall, and we have an entertainer. It seems difficult to narrow down which ten or so friends she plays with most at school (she comes home with a different name of who she's been playing with every day). So do I just invite all 30 classmates (plus parents) and hope it is manageable?

I don't mind a bit of chaos, and I don't want to leave children out, and I also suspect we'll get some refusals [hopeful]. But will the family party mixed with school friends work? Or should I use the hall/entertainer for the kids and get the family round later for a cup of tea at home?

I'd invite the whole class, but use the family as helpers. I've done whole class parties before, and they work reasonably well at reception age, but you DO need help!

I would invite the whole class but encourage their parents to drop off instead of staying. And definitely ask your friends and family to be helpers.

Why would you invite 40 adults to a 5yo's party? I wouldn't invite 40 adults to MY party!

I would have no more than 10 of her friends-and cut out most of the adults!

The adults come from the fact that I've got four siblings and DH has three, so the hall was originally booked with hosting the family and a few friends (the NCT friends) in mind! But obviously, DD has her school friends. So it just seems to be an enormous number of people to be hosting for a child's party.

You need to reduce the number of adults staying.

IME most school friend's parents won't stay now they are in school. Make it clear on the invite that parents are free to leave their children as you have ensured a good adult child ratio already.

We always mix school friends, family and friend's children at DD's school. Never ben a problem and has always worked well.

Is she still in touch with all her preschool friends?

Are the neices, nephews and godchildren children that she enjoys spending time with, children she wuld want at her party? And are they all of a roughtly similar age range?

Personally once they're at school I tend to do parties for school friends only.

Family/other friends we see separately.

I've found that mixed parties don't work that well unless the non-school children are pretty confident as they won't know that many of the other children. Does that make sense?

I think whole class parties are ridiculous and that 1 friend per year of the child's life plus 1 is a better rule for how many children to invite.

So 6 kids and not 48 kids and 40 adults would probably be more enjoyable for your child imo

Unwrapping 48 presents is just one aspect of this idea that is unpalatable on so many levels imo

invite all of the class

when the children are older and better able to understand being left out then you can start paring down

Well, yes, the whole gift thing is a problem too. But I can't narrow DD down to ten friends! She lists people every day, and a few names come up repeatedly but she does a pretty good k=job of covering the whole class over the course of a week.

I may suggest that people leave their child, although the parties I've been to have involved all the parents staying.

Part of the problem is that at the school there are groups of mums who know each other, so they tend to invite their 'crowd'. But I don't have a crowd, and I'd hate to leave out a child who isn't being invited to many parties as his parents are similar to me! (I'm quite happy as an outsider at school, it just makes this sort of thing difficult as I don't know the children very well, or to judge who DD is closest too).

we had a mixed party at the weekend. about half of the class were invited, and inviting them all didnt seem to be a big prob.

And yes, the NCT friends and god-children are similar ages, I'd counted teenage cousins as adults. Just seems so many people, but difficult to know where/how to draw the line!

Not much of a consensus!

Do you five year olds really distinguish between class mates? I find it impossible to find out who she plays with most!

From the parties I'd been to, it seemed any dividing line within a class was drawn more along the lines of whether the mums were friends or not, rather than the child being friends with x, y and z but less friendly with a, b and c.

Could you maybe ask her teacher who she plays with the most?

Or if you do have to invite them all put something on the invitation about no presents/charity donations instead?

I would like to suggest charity donations but will this mark me (and more importantly, DD) out? In a bad way....

Not worried about what people think of me, but it is early days at school and is it fair to foist my views upon her? We could say no gifts, but I would still buy something if I were going to a party!

It is quite a large school, and the teacher doesn't really do the extra-curricular stuff! Although DD did say she was going to invite her teacher (that's 41 adults.... )

I think I may invite school friends and other children we know to the party, and depending on take-up, leave the family adults for another time. I know the idea of the whole class is maybe OTT, but I really don't know who to leave out: and my concern is that, one term in, it will be the shy, quiet ones (whose mum doesn't mix that much, like me!) that DD will leave out, or forget to mention. I already see the same crowd at every party, and the names mostly mentioned by DD are inevitably those children.