How many parties are too many to celebrate my DH's 40th?

[TheYearOfTheCat]

My DH is 40 in May this year. To celebrate he said he really wanted to go back to his university town for a weekend (a flight away) to meet up with some university chums and go out for dinner.

I am organising this for him - and total cost will probably be in excess of £1600.

I spoke with my MIL the other day, and she is keen to organise something for him too. She suggested organising a weekend away with his parents, his sisters & their families. However, I know he would hate this, so I suggested to MIL that DH might like to go out for dinner on the night of his birthday, if she wanted to organise something. We discussed that as his b'day is mid-week, dinner would probably be too late for neices & our DC, so it would be adults only. I told MIL I would ask DH if this is what he wants to do.

I discussed plans with my DH today, and he is keen to go out for dinner (and hated the idea of a weekend away with SILs), but has said that in addition to this, he wants to have a further 2 parties - a day-time BBQ to invite his extended family to, and an evening BBQ (not necessarily on the same day) to invite our friends to (who won't be going to the uni do).

Is it just me or does it seem excessive (and a tad spoilt) to demand to have 4 birthday parties?

When I gently suggested this, he said I was being a misery guts .

May also sees the birthdays of both our DC and our wedding anniversary, so it is a busy month.

Discuss please.

Ridiculous.Does he have self esteem issues?
I don't get people who need to be validated by big parties.

It was the same for his stag do - he had 3 stag parties - a long weekend away in Barcelona with friends, a night out with work colleagues, and some other night out - the reasoning behind which I can no longer recall.

I didn't have a 'hen night' although went out for a meal with 8 of my friends. I didn't mind - it was what I wanted to do.

I had 4 nights out to celebrate my 40th (and 3 for my 30th). Birthdays can be such a non-event when you're an adult, it's nice to make a bit more of it for a special one. None of mine were big scale parties though. Is he planning to organise this himself?

Silly imho. Why not the weekend away and then one barbecue which begins in the afternoon and runs into the evening; his family could come to this as well as friends.

Why are you objecting if dh wants 4 parties? Where is the harm?

I think it's perfectly reasonable

We have lots of birthdays in the same month and have several parties - the dynamic is better at smaller parties sometimes, rather than one big enormous party where your mother makes awkward smalltalk with ex-girlfriends

If you can afford it then do it

my dp had three four 'occasions' for his 40th - not deliberately just how it worked out.

Actual birthday camping weekend with me and dd (dd ended in casualty so a 40th to forget really but thats another story!).

Meal with us and with his parents and brother where they did their presents.

BBQ party at home for friends.

About 5 wks later a weekend away with us, parents, sister, sister's kids, and brother.

All enjoyed, I think 40 is hard, and I think you need something to look forward to take your mind off that!

It does seem spoilt and excessive to me, sorry. And attention-seeking. He's not the first person to have ever become 40.

However, IF you have the money, and IF he will organise the BBQs, and IF he will reciprocate when you're 40, then each to their own.

Why doesn't he do one combined BBQ and the weekend away and ditch the dinner?