1st b'day-both families together-nightmare!

[plj]

How can I get out of having a 'family' get together for DT's first b'day? I fel mean, but the family dynamics are a nightmare, mostly between my family and DP's family. I don't get on with MIL, and DP's family don't approve of my family. What could I do?

When is their birthday? Is it at a weekend? We have had closer GPs over for tea on birthday itself and further-away parents for lunch at the weekend before now.... (both ways round - we used to live near PIL, now live close to my parents)

It does fall at a weekend which creates part of the problem as most of our families work during the week, so that suits them better. Would it be too obvious to have 2 parties, and not tell one family when the other family are coming? I am so stressed about it already, and I should be looking forward to it.

Have 2 parties - one lunch and one tea maybe - or on different days - if anyone notices then just say it was for their benefit so that they get to spend more time with DTs without too many people around. After all, they all want to spend time with the DTs, not making polite small talk with each other. More than reasonable, IMHO.

i think this is a time when families shoudl put their differences aside for the sake of their grandchildren

if they can't behave for an hour then i do think you shouldn't pander to their every whim

this is an occasion where they need to behave like adults

failing that, don't invite any of them and if they ask tell them why - may make them modify their behaviour

why don't you take dt's to your family for morning coffee and cake at your mum's house and invite dp's family to yours for a cuppa and cake at 4pmish

no need to have a party at all

but bear in mind in the future there will be occasions when they will have to be in the same room as each other

Thanks. Quite like the idea of not having a party but taking the twins to visit everyone for cake etc. Then at least everyone sees them and it relieves some of the stress for me!

Just don't if you don't want to. For both of DS's birthdays so far we have just gone out for lunch as the three of us and had a cake for tea