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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

Is this ridiculous? Size of DD's 4th birthday party and associated dilemma...

19 replies

fruitbeard · 22/01/2009 21:21

DD is at a preschool nursery, she is in a room with 10 or so others for 'lessons', but she comes together with the other 2 rooms for most activities and consequently knows most of the other children.

Having had 25 kids in a hall last year for her 3rd, I'd kind of resigned myself to at least that many again, as it wasn't total chaos and everyone really enjoyed themselves.

However... I got the class list from her teacher today and there are 47 kids on the list!

Okay, taking off DD and three kids on the list that haven't yet started at the school... still leaves a potential 43 children and at least 1 parent - and I still have to factor in 6 non-nursery friends & their parents, her cousins (8 of them) and various aunties, uncles, grandparents etc.

So, say possibly about 10 won't be able to make it? Still leaves about 50 children... omg the party bags alone!

Plus the idea of coping with that many children in a church hall...

I think I'd be comfortable with about 30 children, but don't know where to start whittling down the list - DD is bezzie mates (or so she tells me) with at least four little girls not in her room so it's not as easy as just inviting her room and no-one elses... actually she doesn't get on with a couple of the boys in her room, but I really, really hate the idea of cherry-picking and leaving people out.

If I ask DD who her friends are, apart from these 4 little girls it changes on any given day/time/change in the wind who she likes so unless I ask her teachers who her particular friends are (and I can imagine they'd love that kind of request!) do I just resign myself to inviting them all and pray that half of them can't come??

The alternative is a much smaller scale party at home for her, non-nursery friends, cousins and 4-5 friends from school, but then we run the risk of not being able to have a bouncy castle in the garden because of bad weather (curse these February birthdays!), which means entertaining them all - which DH turns white at the very thought of!

Aaaargh!!

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 22/01/2009 21:37

I would ask the teacher-I'm sure she wouldn't mind. Have a small one with the children she spends the most time with.

blametheparents · 22/01/2009 21:43

At my DD's pre-school parents do ask the teachers who their children play with, they don't seem to mind.
One possibility is to ask those children that are the same school year as your DD and will start school in Sept, and not invite those who are a school year younger.

Wheelybug · 22/01/2009 21:52

my dd's pre-school has a similar set up - 15 which she is with for half the morning every morning then mixes with the rest (up to 50). Her party is on saturday - I invited all her group plus 2 others I knew she was friends with (then all the extra people so we've ended up with about 30). I didn't invite anyone who is in the younger year group.

PlumBumMum · 22/01/2009 21:57

Does the nursery allow you to send in a cake?
Our nursery did this they all sang happy birthday and got abit of cake as a treat for break

Then have your own smaller party

lunavix · 22/01/2009 22:06

I'm having this issue for ds's 5th

Every other child in his class has done a whole class party.. so that starts with 30 kids... plus CMs lot, plus friends...

Works out about 50

debbiedoughnut42 · 23/01/2009 11:22

My children have passed this age now and I really don't remember having any sleepless nights over who we invited to parties. The most I ever had to a party was about 25/30 that with some nusery/school friends and non school friends. I did what i thought was right for my child with a little consideration for people I knew quite well and other invites my child had received. I don't think i upset anyone! who knows but my dc both have a good set of friends now so it work out ok. We all worry becaues every one else is doing it but will your child enjoy it anymore because she has 50 or 5. I hope i don't sound like I am preaching as thats not my intention but we are all under so much pressure nowdays should we really have to worry about doing the right thing for a 3/4 years old party.

debbiedoughnut42 · 23/01/2009 11:23

Forgot to say I agree with asking teacher and sending in cake or small packet of sweets like buttons for all the children.

PrimulaVeris · 23/01/2009 11:34

50 children is a huge number to cope with. You'll need an army of volunteers to manage them, take them off to toilet, sort out fights, crying ... nightmare!!!

My dc's were at nursery with that number, I just invited definite best mates. If you've got a small number it's still manageable at home - you could still get an entertainer or do your own things.

funnypeculiar · 23/01/2009 11:41

50 sounds like a LOT (we had 37 in a church hall last year - & I think we were at capacity, but that included siblings) - you will need an army of help. Also remember at 4, quite a few of the mums/dads will probably also stay (ie double your numbers ito bodies in hall...)

If you want to go with a big party (which it sounds like you do) I'd invite all of her little 'class' - plus your non-nursery freinds/cousins etc Then ask dd which ones she wants from the rest of the year (plus ask teachers who she tends to play with, as appropriate) Keep going until you hit 30ish

skirt · 23/01/2009 11:44

Bloody hell, a party for 50? Thats madness and seems totally OTT. Its silly when you feel you have to invite the whole class, of course you dont. You dont have to give cakes or sweets either, kids dont get invited to every party going, thats life. Harsh cow I am, i know

fruitbeard · 23/01/2009 12:24

Funnypeculiar, I was relying on the parents staying, which was why I was wibbling in the corner at the thought of 100+ people descending on me!

Well, I had a chat to her teacher this morning and we've whittled it down, so now, including cousins/outside friends, we've a total of potentially 32 children, if everyone makes it. Which is about what we had last year and ended up with 25 or so, so now I can breathe

Thanks all - had a bit of a panic last night when I saw that whopping great class list!

I do love large parties because it means I can say NOT IN MY HOUSE so I don't have to clean the place from top to bottom as well as organise the party!

OP posts:
mollymarthawilf · 23/01/2009 19:03

Blimey 50 kids. I was worrying whether or not to have a party at all.

I do wonder whether sometimes as parents we can get a bit caught up with what other people are/are not doing (I include myself in that too)

But I wonder, how many of us had a party at the age of 4? If we did would our parents have invited 50 children so as not to 'offend/upset' anyone.

I am sure the preschool teacher would be happy to tell you who your child plays with, in fact they should be observing this and how children play to meet ofsted requirements. So the fact you are interested I am sure they would be pleased with.

As for 50 kids sounds a bit excessive to me.

I agree with the comment about worrying about the party. Really as parents we try to be role models to our kids what message does this send out to our children if we worry about their parties or feel obliged to invite everyone to the party!

Also if you invite 50 kids to a preschool party what will you do when they turn 16 and attend a school with 500-1000 kids!!!!

etchasketch · 23/01/2009 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarGirl · 23/01/2009 19:09

I would aim for a much smaller party.

Ask the nursery, they will probably list 4 or 5 children, them plus cousins plus out of nursery friends is plenty to have a party with.

ramonaquimby · 23/01/2009 19:17

whatever happened to having a handful of kids over for cake and icecream? way over the top, even those with 20 plus

fruitful · 23/01/2009 19:21

and there is me wondering if I can get away with inviting 4 children for ds1's 4th party, instead of 6 ...

ChasingSquirrels · 23/01/2009 19:23

ds1 had 5 to his 4th, because he couldn't chose between them so I let him have an extra one.

CarGirl · 24/01/2009 12:30

I read in a pary book the ideal sie was 1 child for every year old they will be plus 1 and that's about what I stick to!

fruitbeard · 24/01/2009 17:42

Oh, I would love 4 friends for a quiet birthday tea...

However DH's entire extended family will all expect an invite/just turn up (they did this for the other nephews/nieces til they were at least 7) so with family alone, there will be 31 people there, 11 of them children (+4 babies), so even with only 4 friends added on, a hall is the easiest option, tbh. And then I feel like DD needs a fair few friends to come so her party isn't too relative-heavy!

And to be fair to DH's family, I really get on with them, they all muck in and help out with everything so it's not like we're having to do it all ourselves.... good job I like big parties Just not 50 childrensworth of big party!

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