Is there a protocol for who pays for a 40ieth dinner/hotel out?

[TracyK]

dh is 40 soon and I am trying to organise something for adults only.

But - would we be expected to offer to pay for everything? ie if a group went out to dinner - or dinner and a hotel overnight??

I feel a bit mean asking people if they want to come for dinner and then to say - oh by the way its £x.

I thought maybe we could all split the bill and dh and I pay for the wine??

DO what you can afford, but be upfront about it. For my 40th I spent a lot of money on a meal out for some friends. For dh's we invited people to a modest meal out and I think we paid for the drinks and everyone paid for their food.
I think the main problem comes when you want to do something really expensive AND expect other people to pay - if you need them to contribute, then make sure its something they will be comfortable about paying for.

We went away for my 40th and stayed in a hotel and the accomadation cost was included dinner. We put the cost of the hotel in the invite so people had a clear idea of what was what. We also put in a plan of activties which included "meeting us for pre dinner drinks/champagne which we paid for and we paid for all the wine and made sure we pre ordered it so it wasn't on the bill. We all also took children and I got them all party bags
Hope that helps and my friends didn't seem to mind.

agree with elliott. I went to one where we were expected to pay for everything. Can't say too much incase the friend is a MNEtter but basically she had the 40th of her dreams at our expense. The night out cost me over £100. Perhaps find somewhere with a fixed price menu option so you can tell people exactly what the minimum is they would haveto pay? And word it along the lines of you and DH are going out for dinner to celebrate his birthday, it would be great if they'd like to come too, it'll be £x per head?

Thanks guys - I'd already discounted one idea - that would be the 40ieth of dh's dreams - because it would have been too expensive for some people.

We took friends out to dinnertwo other couplesand we paid for everything. It wasn't over the top expensive and there was no accommodation.

DH went to a friend's 40th last year (i couldn't go as had a newborn) and they paid for everything.

But DH saw the friend recently who said the bar bill alone was over £4k and that didn't include the dinner and wine/champagne with meal.

Jolly good job they're rich and exceedingly generous.

I think you can ask people to pay their own way, but (a) you need to be upfront about who would pay for what right from the start, and (b) you need to keep the cost down (which for me would imply at the very least no hotel stay involved, unless your friends are very close to you and very loaded).

I think we might do a dinner in a nice hotel and then people have the option to stay over with us or head home.

I think as long as you tell people when you invite them so they are aware of the cost beforehand i don't see the probelm.

FWIW one of dh freinds was 40 last year and we knew from the start it would be £20.00 per head before we agreed to go out for the meal.

We tend to do lunches at a nice restaurant nearby then children can come too. DH's 40th, Dad's 60th etc)

Also works out better for drinking to be honest as most people have a driver in the couple - so bar bills are not too excessive. people drink less at lunchtime. That may be relevant if you are paying.

Otherwise I don't see any problem with people paying for themselves if they know in advance. Wouldn't expect a present in that case! (Not that you particularly want them anyway....)

I went for lunch with a bunch of friends for my 40th and they insisted on chipping in for me as well. I was really touched by this - luckily it was a pretty cheapie place and only worked out about £30 a head.

Unfortunately my friend's DP pulled a sarky face when the bill was being split and managed to escape paying. Maybe he was expecting me to pay after all!