Party for 4 year old to have or not to have????

[mollymarthawilf]

My daughter turns 4 in April and as she has never had a birthday party. We talked about having one this year. She is ecstatic, but the more I think about it the more I wonder whether she (and we) are ready.

I have a friend who does childrens parties and she is happy to come and help. However my dilemma is about parents coming too!
If the parents stay, as well as children we could end up with between 15 and 20 people. Our house is a reasonable size but I am sure it will feel small with all these kids about.
As it is the end of April it is difficult to predict the weather so relying on outside play seems silly.

Is there a polite way to say on the invites about parents staying or would it be better to try a local hall? I am a bit reluctant to cancel the idea, my daughter would be so upset ( I know there is a lesson in there somewhere for her but it seems mean!)

I have read the other threads re 4 year olds and this has been helpful.

All views/suggestions welcome!

I would go for a hall myself. Or if you're worried about the organisation, what about having it at a soft play place? They're often not that much more expensive, and organise everything for you.

The parents will stay (and some will probably bring siblings). 4 is too young for many children to feel happy about being left at a strange house without mum handy (my ds is 5.5 and still won't allow me to leave him at parties). If a parent comes, they often have no choice but to bring a sibling too.

I have found local council sports centre good as you can hire the soft play room for 1 hr then hire a party room for 1 hr (£30 each) the numbers limit was 30.

I would invite them, hope for the best in terms of weather, and gently encourage some parents to drop and leave - some will probably be happy to do that with 4 year olds.

My dd1's 4th birthday, all the school parents dropped and ran. We didn't know any of them but they all left their children. It was a surprise to me at the time, but the children were all fine.

For dd's 4th I invited about 6 friends. I wrote on the invite, something very blunt like "parents can stay but there isn't much space and I have enough adult help". Which worked nicely - most people are very happy to have 2 hours free childcare.

If there are children whose parents look like they're going to be too nervous to leave them - invite them over to play, now, with their mum. One at a time, obv. Hopefully they'll have relaxed by the time of the party (and hopefully you dd will get return invites too!).

My flippin ds won't let me leave him anywhere! .

I'd go for the hall option personally. It doesn't cost much- we've hired the same one 3 years in a row and I would hate to have one at home now . Get a bouncy castle or a pile of balloons, snack each, pretty bday cake and off you go!

I have looked at halls and the local one is very reasonable (£27 for 4 hours) this seems like a bargain. Parking seems a better idea and I suppose it overcomes the issue of whether parents want to stay or not!

Other opinions/suggestions welcome.

How many kids to invite? Party bags and the like!

Perhaps I am worrying unnecessarily!

That is a bargain! We are paying £48 next Saturday for 3 hours- dd will be 5. We invited her entire class and my friends' children- total of 40 as I assumed that they wouldn't all make it. Do not make this assumption as I now have at least 35 children attending...
In the past we have had a bouncy castle, arty tables, party games, loads of balloons and we also brought some trikes, bikes, play tents etc from home. This year we have hired a DJ for the afternoon because dd pestered us for so long for a DISCO.

I personally hate party bags but don't see any way out of it so I plan to put only a balloon, sweet, chocolate coin and piece of cake in each one.
As for food, I haven't worked out the easiest/most cost efficient way yet . I did toy with the idea of doing a load of hot dogs followed by jelly but think I will just go down the traditional hassle of party food. One tip is to ask if any of the children have special diets (only cos I was thinking of doing hot dogs but is probably a good idea anyway)

DS will be 1 next month and needless to say we will be having a family tea at home

How many children?

When dd was 4 we did the church hall thing but I hated it, found it really stressful. Some children bought 2 parents along!

When she was 5, a few weeks ago, (she is in reception) we decided on home, and limited it to 7 guests plus dd. I said to the parents that they were welcome to stay or go, whatever suited them, but said diplomatically we only really had room for one parent, and sadly no siblings.

All of the friends were 4 or just 5. All of the parents left.

It was fine, honestly. I did my research on mn. We had a few simple games, a traditional party tea (keep it simple tbh they only want sausages and crisps), a cake, and some free play with the Christmas toys.

Also I limited it to 1.5 hours which was plenty. Party bags - I just got a few simple bits from Tesco, e.g. for girls one nice hair accessory, one small notebook, lolly, mini choc bar and slice of cake.

I also had good feedback but some of the credit goes to the "advisors" on here.

Last year instead of a party bag I did a lucky dip. Different colour coding for boys and girls presents. I spent £1-£2 on things like notebook sets etc. Plus I tipped in a load of lollies etc and they could pick 2 sweet items as well.

One or two of the little brats darlings came up to me and still asked for their party bags!

I'm having a party for my ds (4) in a few days. As we don't have much room, he'll just be having 4 friends round for games and a party tea and his older sister will be helping. All the mums are staying and at least one is bringing a younger sibling. They will just all have to play sardines on the sofa, whilst the 4 year olds play pass the parcel on the floor. In my experience, children are often overwhelmed by the larger parties at this age. That's my excuse, anyway, and I'm sticking to it!

dd will be 4 soon, too. and she always had party, its something we must do. 1st,2nd bday, we had party at home with random friends with children and neighbors etc... she is born in april, and everytime so far weather was reasonably noce and kids played outside in the garden.
last year we had party at soft play, as we had about 15 booked, but only 10 turned, each child cost 10 pounds, and i was not pleased with some people did not come. this year we are planning to do it in a cheaper place costing 6 pounds each for 15 children.
i think, hiring hall is great but what do you do entertain them, i rather take it soft plays and let them have good play and them meal and party bag, and over.
btw, my dd will ask for party bag if she goes party, that does not make her spoilt brat, my friends and her friends every party she went she had party bag, she assumes its paart of the bday party. you got to tell them, you havent done party bag.

That reminds me the best 4 year old party I went to was at the house. There were about 10 guests, plus a few parents. Thankfully it was summer and we were in the garden.

The food was great, the children loved it and the mother didn't have to spend hours on presentation. iirc there were babybels, crackers, fruit - grapes and strawberries, small cakes. No huge plates of sandwiches and sausage rolls etc.

She had a beautiful (but simple iykwim) home made birthday cake.

no5 obviously at that age they do expect certain things, despite me saying clearly it was instead of a party bag. I didn't say anyone was spoilt. I crossed out "brat" to indicate it was a bit "tongue in cheek" I wasn't being horrible.

I was just kind of warning other people that children (mine included) do expect/want a party bag, which is why I did party bags the next year rather than the lucky dip idea which perhaps wasn't so popular with the little ones.

no, its ok, i did not mean anyhting.it made me realise, i got to tell dd, that she should not ask party bag as some people dont do party bags, you know, in case she asks, she is most likely ask type. very loud, and not shy

no5 my dd is the same. She rushes off to the hostess shouting about party bags. I try and look round prior to the end of the party and check if there is evidence that there might be party bags. I don't think I have been to one yet where there wasn't.

We had a slightly difficult moment once when a party bag had 2 items, which was fine, but my dd started to comment loudly that she had had more items when she went to x's party.

hello mollymarthawilf,
Have just done a party at our house (on sat).
DS was also 4.
I'd say the children were def ready and the personalness having it at home is nice BUT..
It is 2 bed terraced house and I had 10 kids, and 7 parents stay. It was a squeeze and next year I would go for a hall but ds wanted it at home so I went with it! I encouraged parents to stay/go whatever they wanted but luckily, alot did drop off and kids were fine with this. Some parents had approached me beforehand. I didn't mention it on invites.
It was VERY hectic, the boys were not interested in craft activities I laid on and rushed to the treasure hunt (they loved this) but pass the parcel was also a major success as was mamma mia soundtrack and the small buffet I did. They ended up in the garden whilst some of the girls stayed in and danced.
There was a massive girl/boy divide and some fighting with the boys but nothing too serious.
It was really hard work but my mum and a parent helped (dh was away) and it was worth all the affort.
I cleared loads of furniture away in dining room and banned them going upstairs.

Hello all

Useful advice and experiences. I am so glad I posted the question!

I have just returned from the park with my two and my DD has told me she has been telling people at the pre school that they can come to her party!

I like the idea of getting to know some of the other parents beforehand. I was trying to think how happy or unhappy I may be at leaving my daughter at someones house who I do not know. My daughter talks to anyone (any everyone!) so I would be more bothered about it than her. But I appreciate not all kids are like this!

I have booked the hall, and I think we will decide nearer the time. If it is a hall the number of kids is less of a problem as is the weather as the kids can run around. However the consensus here seems to be that less than 10 kids works better.

The party bag will be very small, a packet of coins and a balloon or something like this. although I like the idea of a lucky dip too! I agree kids get 'trained' by us to expect these things! this is why I have always resisted a party until she 'understands' about Birthdays and Parties.

All views and comments welcome as it is a really interesting discussion.....