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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

Unsure of birthday party protocol...

16 replies

CarrieBo · 15/01/2009 21:05

My dd turns 2 in a few weeks, and I'm new to this whole birthday party malarky. She loves the soft play area, so I was thinking of saying to my mummy friends that we would be there as a family on the afternoon of her birthday, and if they'd like to come too that would be great and I'll bring a cake.

Someone has invited me to a 3rd birthday party at the same place, a few weeks earlier, under similar terms (but with official invites which I wasn't planning on doing) and they're paying everyone's entrance. It had never occurred to me to pay for people! If we were buying the party package at the soft play, then of course we would pay for it, but we're not as they're more appropriate for older children.

Entrance for an adult and child is a fiver (only one person I'm inviting has more than one child) and I guess people are likely to buy presents, so everyone will prob spend a tenner(ish). I'll invite about 10 friends, so it would cost £50 if I paid to get them all in and I don't feel comfortable spending that much on a 2nd birthday party. If people expected us to pay, I'd sack off the whole thing and just invite them for cake at home. Or sack off that and just take our dcs to the soft play and not invite others to come and have fun with us.

So, will I be shunned by all my friends for not paying? Should I make a point at the time of inviting them that I'm not paying? (like I said I'm not doing official invitations, just 'letting people know we'll be there if they'd like to come too')

I'm happy to be shot down in flames for having outrageous birthday party etiquette, I just don't know what the rules are!

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 15/01/2009 21:07

we have been to parties at soft play and not had to pay

TBH, and I am no expert i wouldn't expect to pay to attend

FWIW, if you can't afford it/don't want to then don't have it at soft play

i would be happy to never go to one again!

Heated · 15/01/2009 21:09

I've never taken the dcs to one and paid.

LoveMyLapTop · 15/01/2009 21:09

if i was invited to go for another childs birthday wouldnt expect to pay tbh.
Also if you are not having a proper party at the soft play dont think they will let you take your own cake.
When DS was 3 i paid for 3 of his friends to come to the soft play with us.

feedthegoat · 15/01/2009 21:11

Would't expect anyone to pay to attend a birthday party but that said, it wouldn't offend me if I had to in a soft play. DS loves those places anyway but I would like to have it pointed out before hand to avoid any embarrassment at desk.

Hulababy · 15/01/2009 21:12

For DD's 2nd party we asked a couple of friends to go to soft play with us, but we paid entry for them all. Then we went back to our house for a small birthday tea and some cake.

Whenever DD has been to a soft play party it has always been as a "party package" AFAIK and we have never paid for ourselves.

As to whether you can ask people to pay - it depends who they are and how you ask. You need to make it a very informal request, with no pressure, and def no expectation of recieving a gift.

LynetteScavo · 15/01/2009 21:13

For a birthday , people will expect you to pay.

Otherwise just arange a meetup, and don't expect them to bring pressents.

I think the best thing would be to invite them to have cake at youir house. Send out invitations, and stick up a few balloons. I would much rather take my 2 year old to a party like that than a soft play. You could even try them at musical bumps.

onepieceofbrusselssprout · 15/01/2009 21:15

My friend did what you are proposing and it was a bit awkward tbh. (particularly as the year before she had had an "official" party at a softplay for her older child and tht was all paid for). Unless you really clearly tell people it is not a "paid for" party you risk most turning up and possibly having no money and it could be embarrassing for all.

For a 2 year old I would suggest just a mini get together at home. Like a coffee morning/playdate. Perhaps with a cake and a simple pass the parcel to make it more "special". People will probably bring cards and may/may not bring presents.

onepieceofbrusselssprout · 15/01/2009 21:16

Lynette - great minds think alike.

Original poster

CarrieBo · 15/01/2009 21:18

Thanks people, not the replies I was expecting at all so I'm glad I asked. I expected things along the lines of 'if its just a meetup then i wouldn't expect to pay' but that's not what's being said! Hmm. The thing is we often have meetups at the soft play anyway coz its a great place for the mums to have a coffee and the kids to let off steam, so I was envisioning this being just another meetup, but with cake. Oh I really really don't know what to do now!

OP posts:

onepieceofbrusselssprout · 15/01/2009 21:21

Have a normal meet up as usual then. When you arrive mention in a low key way that it is your dc's birthday and you have bought cake. (check first that you are allowed to bring your own refreshments). If you mention in advance it is a "party" then this is where misunderstandings may occur (imo)

If you are not allowed to take cake (you are not in our local places) then perhaps you could treat the children to a small snack and/or the adults to a hot drink.

Hulababy · 15/01/2009 21:22

CarrieBo - if you just arrange it as a meet up, then that would be fine. Don't mention the cake - just take it along with you on the day if your soft play allows it, not all do.

More of a "fancy meeting up at soft play on xxx day? Thought it might be nice for DD to see some friends around her birthday seeing as we aren't having a party this year."

Heated · 15/01/2009 21:23

If this is a regular meet-up why not say after soft play we are going to have a little party (cake and pass the parcel) at home for dc, would you like to come?

Original poster

CarrieBo · 15/01/2009 21:27

I like the idea but people will know its my dd's birthday. I guess I'm treading a fine line between meet-up and party since it clearly is her birthday, and I don't know how to pitch it to people to underplay the 'party' aspect. Good point about the cake at the soft play, hadn't thought of that.

OP posts:

stinkymonkey · 17/01/2009 17:58

CarrieBo, if people buy a present plus pay into the soft play, it makes it a very expensive outing. Most people these days are watching the pennies and TBH with what you have proposed you risk your friends thinking you are a right old skinflint.

Why not just turn up to the meetup as usual and do a bit of celebrating with whoever happens to be there? Or do it at home, which will cost you a lot less than the £50 you might spend at softplay.

Clary · 17/01/2009 22:04

I think if you are inviting them to a party then you have to pay.

If you don't want to do that, then why not just have them come over to your house and eat cake/dance about to music/chat/play with toys for an hour?

Yes I also doubt they will let you take cake to soft play without doing the party thang.

Oh seen yr second post - well yes just have a meet-up then and produce a cake - that way no-one's bothered with a present which is fine as you didn't bother with a party (IYSWIM)

psychomum5 · 17/01/2009 22:10

if you are wanting them to come and bring a pressie (and are telling them in advance that it is her birthday), then yes, you will be expected to pay.

if you are not fussed on pressies, then just tunr up and do the cake with whoever is there.

if you want a party, but cannot afford to pay for softplay, then do it at your house over lunchtime, provide some nibbles and coffee/cake and send out invites.

FWIW.....all my children had proper orgnanised parties at softplay places for their second birthdays and it was fun

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