Is this acceptable or is this "not fair" on my dd's friends...also what to do....

[snackattack]

Sorry for the rubbish title. Situation is as follows and I'd welcome your comments/thoughts/ideas as I'm going round in circles.

dd is 11 in Feb. She wants to have a sleepover party as part of her party and that's OK but have explained it would have to be a maximum of 6 kids including her due to space. As it turns out this would fit fine with the fact that she has 5 especially good friends. However, there is another 8 or so girls that she has been friends with all through school (and this is their last year together) and they ALWAYS invited one another to their parties.... so, I suggested that she has a sleepover on the Saturday night and then the other friends just come for a lunchtime party on the Sunday, say around 11.30 so they can all see one another so all the others get to come to a party. DD is desperate to have a sewing party - great... except it costs a fortune and so I can't really afford for her to have all the 13/14 girls doing it so again, I suggest maybe the sleepover "chosen few" have the sewing woman doing her bit with them so I only have to pay for 6 of them and that we have maybe a "traditional" party at the lunchtime the following day. Now, I'm thinking/worrying that the day time girls will be peed off that they didn't get the full party experience (so to speak) and if we have nothing sorted for them "to do" at the party itself that it will be seen as a bit of a cop out. I do realise that this all sounds like a big fuss for them all but to be honest, we do make a big fuss off dd's birthday as we had a horrid time in her early days and every birthday is terribly special to us. However, money is tight. I'd feel better if I could do something special for the day party as well, but can't think of a thing other than traditional party games which may be a bit lame. Our house is not huge so difficult to do some sort of sit-down arty activity which is what I'd thought, but any other ideas really welcome.
Am I being unfair and should I scrap this WHOLE idea and start again??

Thanks for reading this far!!

can't she not have a sleepover but just the sewing thing?

Then, she could have a sleepover another time - maybe in the summer holidays?

Would a sewing party have to cost a lot? If you were organised about it? I'd have thought that could be quite a cheap party (and fun).

I would have thought you could have had a cheap sewing party-material is often cheap on a market stall. If you talk nicely to her school they may lend you some needles. You could get a library book for ideas.

I agree with Tommy, I would have all the girls over to the main party on the Sunday and forget the sleepover thing for now. The Sunday girls will feel like they weren't good enough for the real party.

What is a sewing party?

tbh I would hand the decision-making to her. give her a range of choices. explain to her that parties cost money (tell her exactly how much) and that xxx is your budget. explain to her that having something big (ie sleepover plus sewing might make some of her friends feel left out. and let her choose. I think it's important that we teach them to navigate these things in their own right.

having said that, fwiw I do think the sleepover plus sewing party for some, then something else the next day for all of them could set up a strange dynamic - becuase the 6 will have been at your house for a long time, and been doing their thing, will have jokes about what they did last night etc (and they may well be way too tired for a party the next day...). if she really wants both I would acually consider doing them on seperate weekends.

I'd do a Saturday evening party and have the 5 stay over after. A sleepover costs nothing anyway. I don't think you should exclude the main party bit from the others. Maybe a sewing party another time?

If you were to do the sewing party and the sleepover then I would make sure the party happened before the sleepover, as otherwise it is all the 6 girls will talk about during the party.

A friend of dd1's did this sort of thing. A pamper party for about 11 girls and then 6 staying over and it was not a good idea.

The girls (11/12) who were meant to be going home at 8.30 were not very happy and two of them even hung about till after 10pm, not getting picked up, wanting to stay over.

Perhaps it depends on the realtionships between the girls involved but it does make for a very divisive party. I'd stick to one or t'other.

agree with hat, too