Aaghh I only want to get married

[mum2jakeyroo]

If your parents were giving you some money for your wedding how much say should they have. I can't seem to win with mine. We started off planning a really small wedding. Were just going to get married then possibly a meal afterwards - everyone pays for selves but dm offered us some money so we could do a bit more - that is great so have budgeted around that but everything we mention is 'not right'.

Give the money back and do it your way, IMO.

Agree with Port, say thank you very much but no thanks.

Aaaah... the age old question!

How long is a piece of string? It depends on the parents and the relationship. But I think while they get a say and an opinion, of course, I think it's your wedding even if they are paying a chunk.

The best advice I can give you is pick the things you really care about and let them have the rest!

thank you. Tbh dp is ready to hand money back - I just didn't want any trouble. We had decided to get married late in the afternoon so only had to do one meal/buffet (a tip I got off here thank you mn)- my dad doesn't think this is right and thinks there should be food in the evening iyswim. We tried to compromise - we are looking at different options inc a hog roast which when I mentioned it yesterday my dm pulled a face.

Well, are your parents providing enough cash for two meals? Because if so, fine. If not, they can get back in their box!

An option that a friend of mine has gone for is to agree what each group pays, rather than a communal pot. So... if your parents want food that suits their ideas of appropriate food, then food goes on their budget.

sorry - was half way through typing and got distracted.

so, if they're paying for food, they can decide, within reason. If you're paying for flowers - you get all the decision making power IYSWIM

when we got married parents and mil gave us a cheque... that was it, no other involvement!!

we could have fallen out over cauliflower cheese.. she insisted we had to have it with our meal... i hate cauliflower cheese and thought it sounded disgusting with the choices of meal we had!

she ordered it.. i unordered it

this went on for a while!!!!

smile and nod - politely say thats a good idea or interesting idea, i'll ask dp about that one... then do what you want anyway!!

The same friend who's now gone for the strategy I outlined above, had a hilarious moment with his future MIL before they agreed on new plan: he mentioned that as he's a very casual person, and South African to boot, he'd probably not wear a tie to the wedding. She apparently ranted on at some length about how if her daughter could make the effort to wear a dress, the least he could do is wear a tie!

thank you with all the good ideas - I think maybe I just wanted their approval for what we were thinking of doing. Nodding and smiling politely sounds good and then making our own arrangements anyway.
My dad has said he will foot the bill for the extra food in the evening hence we were looking at doing it.