At generally what age do birthday parties change from inviting entire class to inviting a smaller group of friends?

[Earlybird]

And how does one handle the arrangements so that those not invited don't feel left out or get their feelings hurt?

Hi EB!
I think definitely on turning 8. And the way you do it is by having a very very tiny party (3 friends to a movie/sleepover) so that the concept of Party just is entirely different from those going before. (The next year it could be a bit bigger, because then the mould has been broken & there is no confusion of between Whole-Class and Private-Group.)

I am not using personal experience here, by the way - as ds rather formally & loudly explained to a professionally polite air hostess a few days ago "My Sister has Her Birthday in half-term and I always have my Birthday in the Holidays at Easter too so we Can't have Parties" [whole rest of plane undoubtedly having quiet snort/moment of pity + scorn for feckless negligent parent]

Its just stared now that we are in year 3
About 8-12 kids get invited

As long as you are not inviting most of the class and leaving 2-3 kids out
Then its o.k

Message withdrawn

Y2 is often the norm too I think.

For dd's 'party' this year she had three friends home for tea after school.

Rather mortifyingly the went off and made their own pass the parcel and played it. However, despite this, dd did say 'thank you, that was the best birthday ever' and it was actually. Much nicer.

If you keep it v. small then I don't think it causes so much hurt.

Though dd is my youngest, and I'm tired. I think ds1 had big parties until Y4?

Oh she was 7, and in Y2

dd3 never had big parties
matter of finances for a start - and the type of party as well. you can have loads in a hall whereas an organised swimming party for example you would have less

We moved to 'boys only' for 6th birthday. Just had a halloween tea party after school and I found it v difficult to keep it to 6 kids - it's horrible to feel you're leaving anyone out, because it's not nice when it happens to your child.

Ds has just been to an enormous 6th birthday party for his whole class (15 boys), but it was a shared party for 3 of them so that's like inviting 5 each. They had a one present rule so each got 5 presents (well 6 actually because one mum couldn't help herself, she loves shopping, and it was done in a nice, of silly me I must have missed that way).

So at least now they get a choice - have a large party and share attention and presents, or have a smaller one just for yourself.

Hi Bink - great to see you online! Hope all is well in your world.

DD is in year 3, and this seems to be the year of starting to invite smaller groups/special friends to birthday parties rather than the entire class.

DD is due to attend a small sleepover party in a few weeks, and the Mum has asked the invited girls not to speak about it at school so those not invited don't feel upset.

There was a party given yesterday for a girl in dd's class (not a classmate until this year), and dd was not invited. They invited about 10 girls out of a possible 30. DD would't have minded except the birthday girl (who has recently rotated onto the same classroom table as dd) was discussing her party with enthusiasm on Friday. Can't blame her as she was excited, but definitely tactless. (I suppose 8 year olds can't be counted on for tact and thoughtfulness!) My heart went out to dd who seemed bewildered and a bit sad when she mentioned it to me. It's her first experience of being formally 'left out'.

Any advice on how to help dd take it in stride? Obviously smaller parties will be the norm in future.....

On how to take it in stride ... so long as birthday girl in question (and, I guess, her invitees discussing plans) is/are just being tactless (rather than spiteful, which is a whole other issue; as - further - would be if you find dd is getting disproportionally left out of the whole party scene*) - just emphasis on how there rationally can't be room for everyone.

I think 10 out of 30 sounds pretty fair, don't you, as a proportion? - the left-outees outnumbering the invitees two to one ... as a rule of thumb, not bad

*If spite is involved, then tack might be something along the lines of how the girl is needing to prove her own popularity to herself (but put in simpler terms as would make sense to an 8yo)

**I can't imagine dd would be getting disproportionately left out

Bink - as ever - thanks for your clear perspective and calm/rational thoughts.

Thankfully, dd seems to have got over her teary moment. This was her first experience with the transition from inclusive entire-class parties to a select-few and exclusive gathering.

I think it didn't matter all that much that she wasn't invited to the party as she isn't a good friend of the birthday girl. What mattered far more was the knowledge that some of dd's close pals were going somewhere together, and dd (as a deeply sociable little person) wants to be anywhere her buddies are.

We found year 1/2