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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

Leaving out two classmates

22 replies

HaveYouCheckedTheChildren · 09/10/2008 22:57

DD wants to invite all but two of her classmates to her 5th birthday. They are children she doesn't get on with and feels a bit bullied by (very mildly - they just make annoying comments). Don't want anyone she dislikes at her party of course, but also don't want to give anyone a reason to be mean to her. Worrying about nothing you think?

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Yurtgirl · 09/10/2008 23:07

I would invite the whole class - Those two may not go anyway

If they had been deliberately intentionally nasty I would probably exclude them but as they havent and they are only 5, I would invite them.

Overmydeadbody · 09/10/2008 23:09

kids are fickle.

If you invite them they might end up being nicer to dd.

mazzystartled · 09/10/2008 23:10

invite them
very pointedly excluding not to at this early stage imo
its v early days, and these children may end up being friends later on

Original poster

HaveYouCheckedTheChildren · 09/10/2008 23:12

That's what I thought - might make them friendlier. But DD is very upset about the thought of them coming and says she will leave if they come into her house. She is dramatic, but clearly not happy about them at all.

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Yurtgirl · 09/10/2008 23:18

So invite just the girls or only 10kids or something

I have never held a party for more than 16 kids - in fact I have never bothered to host a party for children who my los dont even seem to have a bond with

Original poster

HaveYouCheckedTheChildren · 10/10/2008 07:57

I agree - I'm not having kids she doesn't like. She is only little but she's very sure of feelings - and these two she has felt more and more sure about over the last two terms. (They were at the same nursery as well as now in her class) - there are only 10 in the class in the first place. The ones she's not keen on are one boy and one girl.

Maybe will just invite three or four and then her home friends too.

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seeker · 10/10/2008 08:03

If you want to make any issues your dd has with these two worse, then leave them out of her party!

She's 5. She has feelings, of course she does, but she DOESN"T have social skills and awareness - no 5 year old does. You have to be the grown-up here.

Either invite everyone or invite less than half.

morethanyoubargainfor · 10/10/2008 08:06

We have just had the same thing with our Ds. He has inited all bar 2 of his class mates, because he doesn't get on with them. That is fine by us, you have to do things for yourself not always others.

It is your dd party and she should be able to invite who she wants to. They have to spend 30 hpw with the other children anyway so why should she feel pressured into spending snother couple of hours with them at the weekend.

Original poster

HaveYouCheckedTheChildren · 10/10/2008 08:10

Actually her social skills are at least on a par with most adults. She is perplexed by people being consistently unpleasant but so are a lot of adults. You just shrug and put up with it or steer clear as an adult.

Children are just as likely to be little shits as anyone else and I don't think parents should feel obliged to entertain them. Will stick with what I thought earlier about having a few of them and other friends from elsewhere.

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seeker · 10/10/2008 08:19

OK - but be ready for the two she doesn't like to be her best friends in a year's time. I'm sure the is a lovely and sensitive and thoughtful little girl, but she honestly doesn't have the social skills of an adult - she hasn't been in the world long enough. And the rules that govern adult interactions are very different from those of children.

AbbeyA · 10/10/2008 08:22

I would tell her that however unpleasant you can't leave just 2 children out, and then limit her party to no more than 12 (including her). Leaving just two out seems vindictive. I would never invite the whole class anyway.

Original poster

HaveYouCheckedTheChildren · 10/10/2008 08:23

I know what you mean - didn't mean to sound prickly about it. I just know their presence would upset her and having the other group would delight her so trying to work out the best solution.

Thanks for your thoughts.

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bamboostalks · 10/10/2008 08:28

So out of 29 children, she will ask 27? That seems a real snub and a bit cruel. What lesson does that teach her? If you were only inviting half the class, it wouldn't matter but to exclude 2...

Original poster

HaveYouCheckedTheChildren · 10/10/2008 08:39

It's a small class - only ten of them in total - if it were two out of 29 they'd be unnoticed I suppose. Big parties always absorb people more easily. In this case it would be inviting 7 instead of 9.

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Marina · 10/10/2008 09:12

I agree with seeker.
Dd, also this age, is in floods of tears one day about a meanie classmate, and passionately in love with them the next
Yes, it does become increasingly apparent from now on in to Year 2 where their lasting friendships will form, but I think for now I would either have a very small tea party or invite the whole class.

Marina · 10/10/2008 09:14

Hold on though - you referred to annoying comments in your OP, but then described the little boy and girl as little shits later on. Are they really unpleasant then?
I would organise a tea party in that case and just have a couple of friends round.

bamboostalks · 10/10/2008 09:16

Wow! 10 in a class? That is incredible. Then I think that you either do it as less than 5 or 10 as otherwise that would be mean.

stroppyknickers · 10/10/2008 09:25

I can't believe you are even contemplating deliberately excluding two of the group. You sound just like the mum who came up to the boy standing next to my ds in the playground and said, 'there you are, a party invitation for you' . Her social skills can't possibly be the same as adults - teach her about inclusion and just being nice by including these two.

Original poster

HaveYouCheckedTheChildren · 10/10/2008 09:25

Think I was venting a bit of ire when I said little shits. Never a day goes by without one of them saying something that upsets her - silly stuff really like telling her she's lying when she talks about helping to feed or change her baby sister.

Maybe I should have a word with her teacher first just in case it's more than it sounds. She is a lovely teacher and the class if tiny but I remember children getting digs in under the radar and think she is really fed up with it. She is sensitive, but outgoing and friendly. Mostly she is very popular and two other mothers have told me their children have made up songs about how much they love DD.

Feel like I have brewed a storm in a party cup but am new to all this party psychology. It was bad enough planning seating at our wedding.

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Marina · 10/10/2008 09:32

I hear what you are saying. Dd has a couple of needlers in her small class too. What really helps her, tbh, is she has a big brother at the same school and he gives her some handy tips for turning the tables on them.
I have my, "why, you little..." moments with these two as well, but I think on balance they are just mischievous and unable to resist the broad target that is dd at present
If ds' experiences are anything to go by, this does all come out in the wash in the next 18 months, I promise
Ds is now on genuinely on good terms with two guys who used to drive him nuts in Year 1.

Marina · 10/10/2008 09:34

And yes, we did speak to the teacher and she was able to put our minds at rest
We were surprised to hear that it was not 100% the other children's fault

Original poster

HaveYouCheckedTheChildren · 10/10/2008 10:02

I can imagine. DD is quite prim sometimes and I can imagine not everyone's cup of tea. DD is the oldest of three. She does have her little brother at the nursery of the same place and he is a tough little chap and very protective of her. But his solutions are more extreme. He says 'If they talk to you again I will PUT THEM IN THE BIN'. He also said if they come to her party he will have a sword fight with them - so at least she has her champion even if he is only just three.

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