Am I unreasonable not inviting my ex to our daughter's birthday?

[BoldStrawberry]

Me and my ex partner are separated and this will be DD first bday party (6th). I’ve organised something with her school friends, a handful, and I’m not planning on inviting my ex partner. The separation has been traumatic for me (cheating/betrayal) and we’ve been keeping amicable regarding the kids. They wanted a free life, separate from our “family” (hence the separation) so I don’t think I should invite them. Their family has been fine with the situation, as the one they cheated on me with was promptly introduced to the family, making me feel replaced and abandoned, when I don’t have family nearby. So I’ve been keeping my distance from the whole family for my own sake. We coparent fine. I’ve been told to put my feelings aside for the party and invite them, but I don’t want to ruin the party by showing that I’m uncomfortable (even if I try and mask it) because kids can be very sensitive.

I don’t know what to do. I truly don’t want to invite them, but I’ve been told it’s not my party, it’s our DD. My DD doesn’t ask for them anymore when she’s with me. Am I being unreasonable?

If your ex did a birthday party would you be upset to not be invited? How you answer gives you your answer

No, it wouldn’t bother me the least because I know I can celebrate with her when we’re together. As we did for Christmas, the kids had 2 Christmas parties last year.

Who has told you you need to invite ex?

You don’t get family privileges when you choose to leave the family. If he wants a party his family are invited to then he organises his own

People from my own family. And was called cold for my decision.

Not sure I agree. Different if you were stopping ex seeing dd at all on her actual birthday which I’m not sure is fair on her but I don’t think they need to be invited to a party you’ve organised for her with her friends.
Parents/ adults are really just there to facilitate, it’s not about them, it’s about dd having fun with friends. Easier to not start that than set expectation that ex will always be invited to dd’s events you arrange in future.

“I’ve been told to put my feelings aside for the party and invite them”

And your own family, even knowing the circumstances of your separation, have suggested this? The only possible reason for having your ex would be if your DD asked you - and even then, you’d be being perfectly reasonable to decide it wouldn’t be happening. Tell your family to butt out.

Your family are idiots.

It’s a party for DD and a handful of her friends, it’s absolutely not needed for her dad to be invited.

Personally just my opinion but it’s a big deal for your daughter then her dad should be there. He was an asshole to you but he’s her dad. If you were together you’d be mad if he was missing it for any reason because her dad should be present at something this important to her. Just my opinion

My DC wouldn’t have given a fuck about which adults were at their party when they were 6, they would have only been bothered by their friends being there, the cake and the activity.

Surely dd having 2 homes = parties? Ex is free to have one.. Not hijack yours. Ignore your family.

Looks like ‘people from your own family’ need to be told to mind their own business. Nothing stopping your ex from organising a party if desired.

So it's your own family ( or one person in it) telling you to invite them, but who is "them"? Is it all the in-laws too, or just PiL and Ex? Presumably not Ex's new squeeze?
But no, you don't need to invite anyone you don't wish to. If Ex and the ILs want a party for her, they can organise one.

Tell your ex to organise a 2nd party at his home. You aren't being cold. You are reacting naturally to past behaviour. That is their fault, not yours.

I absolutely wouldn't. There's no way I'd be putting money effort and time and then spend the whole time being uncomfortable and on edge.

She can have two parties,

There are times when you will need to put your DC first but this isn't it. A party with DC and their friends isn't about the adults. My DC wouldn't even notice what adult was there as long as someone produced the food /cake at the right time 🤣

Goodness! Tell your family members to mind their own business. Absolutely no, you do not have to invite him. He can arrange his own party if hes bothered.

Ex can do their own thing for the child. You don't need put yourself in a position where you will be really uncomfortable. Not even for your child. You are not just a parent, you a person in your own right with feelings that shouldn't have to ignore after you have been treated badly.