Guest list etiquette for 7yo

[Mummen]

Wise mumsnetters, please help me navigate the politics of primary school birthday party invitations!

DS is having a party for his 7th birthday...the venue is booked but it's a while off so invitations aren't going out yet and we have time to sort out who he is inviting.

It has turned into a long one to give enough context. Skip to the questions at the end of you CBA reading the full thing!

Here's the current breakdown:
There are 30 kids in his class.
The proposed guest list currently includes 15 of them (including DS) so half of the class would be invited. His previous parties have been smaller but he seems to have made more friends since last year, which is a good thing.

Of the 15 who may be invited, 8 are boys and 7 are girls.
Seems ok so far?

2 of the boys being invited are not because DS particularly wants them there but because I think he should invite them. He went to their parties recently, he sees one regularly at a club outside of school and I like spending time with their parents.

I have also now realised that there are more girls in the class than boys so there will be only 3 boys not invited.

I've considered inviting everyone but it will cost a small fortune and I don't think the venue can even accommodate 30 kids.
Have also considered only inviting the boys but I he is more friendly with the girls he wants to invite than the boys that are being left out,
and I don't want to give him any indication that friendships with boys are more important than those with girls.

Please tell me:
Is it ok to invite half the class?
Is it right to reciprocate invitations?
Is it ok to leave out 3 boys when only half the class is invited and the party will be a fairly even mix of boys and girls?

If he has two friends he would rather invite than the two boys you like he should do that. Otherwise fine to invite half the class.

I'd cut the two boys that he doesn't really want there and that takes you under half the class and leaves five boys behind, which is better than three. Problem solved and he doesn't have to invite people he doesn't want.

You could charge the parents a small over fee to cover the cost.

I think you have 2 choices:

1. don't invite the 2 boys you want to invite or
2. invite the 3 boys currently not invited

Of the 2 options, I would go with number 2 on the basis that your DS has been to their parties and inviting an additional 3 boys even if that takes you slightly over half the class is fine. Its also not that much more of a cost.

Give him a number (14 if you like) and ask him who he wants to invite.

It is his birthday party. It should be the time you get to choose your own friends. As long as you don't invite the whole class except one or two people, the % of girls and boys doesn't matter. You should not be making him invite people he hasn't chosen to invite.

I think id try to include the other 3 boys if you could

No you can't. You invite the people you can afford to have there, you don't charge people to bring their child to your kid's party!

Is it ok to invite half the class? Aged 7/8 YES!
Is it right to reciprocate invitations? Yes
Is it ok to leave out 3 boys when only half the class is invited and the party will be a fairly even mix of boys and girls? Its a bit mean... I'd stretch it and add 3 places if I could as you will get declines

what does he think of the 3 boys who have been left out?
other than that it seems ok
does he like the boys who are reciprocal? were they a whole class party or particular friends party

It’s up to you how many people you can afford to host, and up to your child who they’d like there.

We do tend to reciprocate invites, purely because not many can afford to do parties here, so it’s good to keep in with the few that reliably do 😂 my son only didn’t invite back one boy who was very violent, which was absolutely up to him that he didn’t want him hurting his friends and spoiling his party. I backed him 100% with that.

Thanks for your suggestions!

To answer a few questions: it's a lovely class group. He doesn't dislike any of the boys, it's just that he plays daily with the ones he has chosen to invite but not so much with the others. None of them are violent!

The reciprocal invites are for parties where only a small group of friends was invited.

I hadn't thought of stretching it to invite the three extra boys as well as everyone else. That might be the best solution. As people have said, not everyone will come so final numbers will probably end up around about what we had planned for and money isn't so tight that a few extras will tip us over the edge.

Charging parents to come isn't an option!

Thank you!

Seriously? One parent has done this, they have a good job and nobody has forgotten, it’s occasionally joked about.

I think what you have done is fine.
good to reciprocate invitations
fine not to invite half the class and not inviting 3 also ok ( 1 or 2 would be a problem )

Definitely don't do this! 🙈