Husband’s 50th… what would you do?

[ExhaustedPigeon37]

Just looking for some advice really… and sorry in advance this is a long post!

My DH’s 50th is on a Wednesday at the end of January. I had planned a trip away from Tuesday to Friday, just me and him with plans to do something with everyone on the Saturday after. However, these plans have now been changed due to being pregnant. A lovely surprise, we were trying but had booked things after 14 months of no joy! These plans have now been cancelled as it wasn’t pregnant safe 🏂 ⛷️.

We live in East Hertfordshire, so do my parents and Nan (they live together, about 25 mins away from us), his parents and sister live about 45 minutes away in Essex. They hate driving over here (although the roads are all main A roads and it’s quite straight forward) especially in the dark, not great when it’s dark by 5pm in January! His family can be awkward when trying to organise events such as Christmas and birthdays etc. unless it is over at theirs, but they won’t host his 50th.

We have 4 older children between us, his DS my DSS (17), his DD my DSD (15), my DD his DSD (14), and his DD my DSD (12). Only my DD lives with us.

DD/DSD (12) is quite fussy with food and we have to take this into consideration when going out for dinner, if we went to Côte Brasserie for example she wouldn’t eat anything on the menu so would have to go to Prezzo (I’m not dismissing Prezzo at all. I would just like to go somewhere a little nicer for his 50th)!

I’d like to do something on his actual birthday, and then something at the weekend with our families involved and his best mate.

As his birthday is on the Wednesday, what would you do?

I see my choices as being…

A) Going out for a fancy lunch just him and I on his actual birthday, then having his kids over for some games and fun, then with celebrating at the weekend after with the others (drinks, party food etc.)

B) Having a home cooked meal on his actual birthday with all the kids at home and then doing an adults only (fancy restaurant) celebration meal on the Saturday.

C) Having a home cooked meal on his actual birthday with all the kids at home and then risk it and invite everyone to a fancy restaurant celebration meal on the Saturday.

D) get a caterer/personal chef for one night (weekend) to cook a meal for everyone.

E) Having a home cooked meal on his actual birthday with just me and my DD (as we live with him) and then celebrate the weekend after.

I had considered Centre Parcs but I can’t see his family wanting to come, or my Nan to be honest as she is 90 next month. Unless anyone has any other suggestions for a weekend away that would suit everyone?

I’m probably massively overthinking this! I don’t want anyone being left out and I would like DH to spend his 50th with all of our family and his best mate but I’m so torn!

What would you do? My husband isn’t helping, he just says “I don’t mind!”

Can you have one celebration with his parents and sister over their side of town on whatever day suits them best and another with his kids et all at home, catered etc

brain gone completely blank which is no help to you !

but for my DH 50th, we were stuck, not a lot of money, young teenage and pre teen children, older parents. Didn’t know what todo. Add to that it was September so weather was iffy. But something I overheard stuck with me, and I went with it

sometimes it’s good to act your shoe size not your age.

i packed a giant picnic, and we risked the beach (Hunstanton in September - chilly ) it was brilliant, sandcastles beach games, even tried the sea !, sandwiches and pop. Even had a donkey ride.

some of the older ones left but a lot went on for amusement pier with fish and chips.

DH said it was the best birthday ever

dont if you can get anything from that ?

Ask him again. Does he really want such a huge fuss for his birthday? Lots of people don't. When he says "I don't mind", it sounds like he's just humouring you, because you think it's a big deal. Having all the family over seems a bit excessive.

Why not just do lunch at somewhere top end-y, while the kids are at school? I don't think most teenagers are interested in their ancient parents' birthdays, anyway.

I’d have a meal out with him and all the kids on his actual birthday, then something with friends and family at the weekend. I’m sure you can find somewhere that will suit DD12, she’ll just have to be less fussy for one meal.

Its HIS birthday. TBH, if relatives can't be arsed to come to you then so, be it! Why pander to them for this 1 event? I'm sure there are other times you travel to them! Also, if the 12yr old is so fussy or has SEN around food- then they take a packed lunch and you can eat anywhere you like!

Option 1 sounds great. Time with your DH on his actual birthday and then a bit of a party on the weekend- also the cheapest option!

Thanks all.

We always travel to his family, I just asked him again about his family and he said they are so flaky I wouldn’t bother worrying if they come or not.

DS17 wouldn’t be bothered about his dad’s birthday, the girls definitely would be! They are already asking what we are doing for it!

@Grumpynanwe love Hunstanton, I fear at the end of Jan though most places will be far too cold/wet, however I love your advice! I’m leaning towards option A, that way we can be adults during the day and be big kids in the evening with our kids.

@Cynic17yes he does want a fuss! He has been going on about turning 50 since his birthday this year but wants me to surprise him! Not helpful!

@JDM625no SEN (that’s my daughter but she isn’t fussy luckily) DD12 is just point blank fussy. Will only eat her mums spaghetti Bol for example even though we have followed exact instructions (such as fry the mince and add the sauce) but yet she won’t eat it!

i think the more I think about it, option A is best.

His family can come over if they want, if not it’s their choice! We will enjoy the fancy meal ourselves (child free whilst they are at school!