To think opening presents at children’s parties is crass and tacky

[Squigglydums]

Well the title really. We attended a kids party recently (age 5) and approx an hour was carved out in between cake cutting and handing out the cake to the other children, where all the children (and adults) had to sit around and watch the birthday child open every single present. I mean this literally as the parents arranged seating for all kids and adults to sit down and watch. It was a very uncomfortable watch, especially when the child threw a few presents to the side which they were not impressed with and the parents laughed it off. Am I alone to think this is entirely performative and actually crass behaviour from the parents? Obviously not that child as they are just modelling behaviour they have been taught.

I remember when I was little the birthday child did normally sit and open the presents with their friends, but the parties were normally small so it would be 6-8 presents rather than a whole class of children. And I still remember the awkwardness of having to pretend I liked a present I'd been given even though it would have been very obvious that I didn't (I'd received two books of such wildly different reading ages that I wouldn't plausibly have wanted both).

Gruesome. I’d have left

That sounds incredibly boring for everyone involved. Also, you don't always know how kids are going to react to presents (as you put in your OP) so it's a bit of a risky game to play imho.
Also at my children's school, there's quite a diverse range of backgrounds and circumstances, so the presents really vary. Some give a £5 book token, whereas others are happy to give a £40 digital camera! I am somewhere in the middle but would still be mortified for everyone else to see what I bought the kid!

I would faint with embarrassment.

It's actually making me twitch.

All I can hope is that it is a PFB and the mother will look back in horror in years to come.

I don't know about crass, but it sounds really fucking boring and a little bit princessy on the parents behalf.

Yeah that’s horrific behaviour

God, it sounds so boring to have to observe, did all the children really sit there?

Were they from a different country?

Its just at my sons birthday a parent who had been living in Spain until that year, came at the end and said her children were sad they didnt get to see my son open his gift as they had picked it out. She asked if that was normal in the uk or if we ran out of time. (She said they were used to the birthday child sitting on a chair whilst people watched)

I said it was pretty normal in the uk to not open gifts in front of the party but not compulsory.

This might be down to different family norms.

At DS’s parties we take the presents, he says thank you at the time, and we open them the next day, and I text present-specific thank yous then. I’ve had people complain it would have been nice to see him open it at the party! So you can’t please everyone no matter what you do.

I dunno. I feel that gift recipients should open them as soon as they get them, so they can thank the giver immediately. If someone gives you a gift and you just put it to one side, it looks as though you aren't interested.

I have attended DC's friends' parties where presents were opened in front of guests and I always got the impression that it was for the benefit of the gift-giving children so the birthday-child could thank them in person and the children could see how happy their gifts made the host. I only remember the present-openers being impeccably polite and demonstrably grateful as they thanked their guests in turn. If you can't guarantee that (and obviously also keep it to just a handful of friends) then perhaps it's best not to do it.

I grew up in Canada and this was completely standard at birthday parties. The kids all enjoyed watching the presents being opened, and the birthday child would thank the giving child after every gift.

The trouble is, then you have a load of toys sitting around. Maybe DS’s friends are just feral, but I’ve had random kids trying to unwrap presents which were boxed and hidden under a table. I also have to station DM by the party bags or they try to rifle through them. Having a load of opened presents sitting out on display would be carnage.

I actually think it’s nice to see your present opened as long as it’s not too many, I’m always a bit confused when they aren’t opened myself

very interesting responses. In theory it sounds quite nice and fluffy-all the children sitting around the birthday child etc but in reality yes it was v boring and children were becoming fidgety, as really all they wanted was cake! And yes- when other children were touching the gifts, there were tears from the birthday child, which all could have been avoided. We’ve always opened presents later for all of my DC and messaged a thank you to the got giver, as it seemed the better option for both our children and others. I think the parents have irked me more to be honest too

Quite normal ime for the birthday child to open his presents from friends in front of friends at the party. Not crass or tacky at all and is part of the party. I am pretty astounded anyone would think that it was. The children getting restless need to learn to have respect for others and everyone gets a turn when it's their party.
It won't really take that long- It's not a wedding with 200 guests.

Of course throwing gifts aside is rude and shows lack of manners but that's a separate issues

I don’t think it’s crass necessarily, just misguided. We used to open presents at birthday parties when I was little, but it was with smaller groups of 6 or 7 others. Maybe if it’s the first time they’ve run a party at home, they’re managing it like you would a family party when presents are usually opened at the party. I think it’s a terrible idea with a large group, but wouldn’t necessarily describe it as crass.

Having been to many parties I’ve not seen this happen. Yanbu

This was the norm when I was a kid, and I think it’s still quite usual at smaller home parties if you only have a handful of kids. My parties as a kid were small parties at home. But definitely not the usual at big parties, soft play, etc. No one wants to sit there while someone opens 25 presents. It would take so much of the party time too.

That is both cringe and unfair on the children attending. Presents are put to one side, taken home and opened. The put to another side for regifting!

That’s what use to happen, but only for presents of party guests. Not crass just embarrassing if you regifted presents or bought something in the sale and everyone will know.

Not the norm at all here!! Every party we’ve been to (including our own kids) the parents and birthday child greet the guests, kid hand present to kid, they say thank you, parent takes it and puts it aside.
Presents are opened later at home and either specific texts are sent to parents thanking them or thank you notes are written and given out at nursery/school.

I mean, you're not wrong, but I found organising a birthday party and getting it just right difficult and stressful - I can see where the parents thought it might be nice before doing it.
I have made a similar mistake (with a smaller group of kids and more ad-hoc) thinking they might like to see the presents opened.
But then my kid just wanted to play with the presents and I didn't know who gave which toy. Error!
Another party had a present table in the entrance to a hall and the kids snuck the presents off the table and started opening them.
Next time, present table and well out of reach!

*Edited typo