I wasn't invited to my friends wedding

[HappyCoralPombear]

I don't want to sound entitled, when I first heard my friend had gotten married and I didn't know about it, I just assumed it was a private family wedding, as an explanation for why friends weren't being invited or told about it. But I've since seen posts on social media about it, thanking everyone for coming and it seems as though there were friends invited. Just for background: This is someone who I considered to be my really good friend, I've been friends with her since school and we've kept in touch ever since. I was even considering asking her to be a godmother to my children when I have them christened. I also feel a bit isolated at the moment because I don't have many friends and I'm also neurodivergent so I struggle to make new friends. I don't believe she didn't invite me because she thought it would be difficult for me to get there with young children, because I've met up with her quite a few times on my own since having children, as my mum was babysitting for me. It hurts so much to realise you're not important to someone you considered to be important in your life. Am I overreacting?

I think you probably are overreacting, although I understand why you do feel that way. It's very hard to tell how big a wedding is from photos - with family and close friends we hit 60 straight away. That was without any uni friends. So it's entirely possibly the bride and groom just cut entire friendship groups to hit the required numbers.

I'm not surprised you are hurt.
I always think in situations like this it's best to address the person who has hurt you.
She may have a good reason not to have invited you, but as you have had such good, long-lasting friendship prior to this, just ask her why?

Sorry, OP, it is a kick in the gut when this happens. You are not being unreasonable. You would be unreasonable, though, if you didn´t match your energy to the new information you have.

How many were at the wedding ?

I'm sorry OP. It really hurts to be excluded from any event organised by someone we love.
No words of advice as I'm dealing with something similar. Loads of Mumsnetters will probably pile on to tell you people don't have to invite anyone and you shouldn't be so entitled....but gosh it hurts when it happens to you.

I'd be very hurt, too. She's showing you very clearly where you stand in her estimation, and it isn't very high.

This is not advice, but in your shoes I'd be pulling right back from the friendship because I'd be too hurt to be able to sit there chatting nicely with her as if there was nothing wrong.

This has happened to me twice. It really stings. With one friend, it just hurt too much and although we met occasionally after, the friendship has since fizzled out. The other is mother go my godchild so I've stayed in touch but it still makes me so sad. I'm autistic and over and over again the people I believe I'm most close to, don't even put me in there top 20. I've comes to accept it and try to enjoy the times I do have. Big hugs to you op.

No I don't think you are overreacting at all. It must feel awful.
You have two options I think, you can ask your friend why you weren't invited when other friends were and tell her how hurt you are; although you risk your friend actually confirming directly that you are not as important to her as she is to you so you need to prepare your self for that, or you can step right back from the friendship and try and move on.
For your own mental wellbeing, please don't just brush it under the carpet and pretend it doesn't matter because it obviously does.

Even when it isn't just a family wedding numbers are limited due either to size of venue or costs. Unfortunately she has other friends that she considers herself to be closer to. This sometimes happens when social circles differ. She probably still thinks of you as a friend but not as close to her as some of her other friends are. You see her as one of your close friends maybe because you don't have as wide a circle as you do. You could ask her but be prepared for an answer that may upset you further.

I am going to take the opposite tack here. I think its possible to be “good friends “ with someone and feel quite warmly to them without having to include them in every ceremony or special family celebration. Just because you thought of her as godmother material doesn’t mean she has to reciprocate. My college roommate who I have been very close to for forty years did not consider me for bridesmaid—though I was at her wedding—and I didn’t feel the need to make her mine. This didn’t affect our friendship at all. If she had not invited me to ber wedding it would not have changed anything. Our connection is separate from these things.

It is natural to feel hurt in this situation. I am sorry it happened to you.

One thing that I’ve noticed about people is that they vary a lot in terms of how many good friends they maintain relationships with. Some people forge close friendships at every stage of their life; others don’t, or they don’t end up doing much to stay in touch with school or university friends after they move away, etc. If your friend has a lot of friends, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care about you a great deal, but it might mean that you occupy a less singular role in her life.

It depends what you mean by keeping in touch - are you in touch with her week to week and involved in each other's lives - or do you just check in every few months by text and meet up a couple of times a year? There's a whole scale of friendships that mean different things to different people and it sounds like she's probably more significant to you as you don't have so many friendships while she could still value you but have more people who she sees as closer friends than someone from school who she still keeps in touch with. I understand it still hurts but as you value her, it would be best not to take this as a personal slight and perhaps try to see her more often if you like spending time with her.

To not be invited to the wedding of someone you considered so close they would be godparent material shows a huge mismatch in your joint understanding of this friendship. That is the core issue and must be incredibly painful.

I can understand your hurt. I'd be trying to find new friends and stepping back.