should he.. shouldn't he? help help help please

[robinpud]

Ds (7) has been invited to a small outing next week with a boy in his class and 3 others.
He doesn't want to go. None of his particular friends are going although he loves the activity they will be doing.
However the party boy's mum is a very close friend. Party boy is..um challenging and ds ( no angel himself) tries hard to avoid the boy at school and out of school.

I don't want to make ds go;
I don't want to hurt the party boy. ( There are reasons for his challenging behaviour)
I cannot think of a single plausible excuse to offer for declining the inviatation. His mum will know we are fibbing.
The invitations have only just gone out so if we decline quickly, party boy can have another friend without the new invitee realising they were on the reserve list.

If I make ds go, then I can't guarantee that he will be charming.. he could well be surly and make it clear he is there under duress.. of sorts! We have talked it thro' with him and he says "oh, alright I'll go if I have to."

HELP!

Why not just plan another activity and say you already have plans?

Actually do soemthing though so you aren't lying.

Flame's right, plan something else, quick!

If the mum will know you are fibbing if you make an excuse, and she is a close friend, then I think you have to go. Bribe ds to behave if you have to! If they have a good activity to do, it may not be so bad!

I sympathise, I really do, but it's gutting if people don't come to your/your child's party.

I would rather someone say no and fill the space with someone who WANTS to be there, than have a sullen child forced to go.

DD invited the boy to her party who used to be her best friend - he has since realised that she is a girl and alternates between liking her and snubbing her. She gave him his invite and he said he didn't want to go and gave it to the kid next to him She was upset, but at least we have filled his space with another child who wants to be there (not the random kid thrust an invite he was just plain baffled!)

We can't play another activity as it is partially happening whilst both dh and I are at work, so it would be totally implausible.

If I say he doesn't want to go, she will know that it is becuase of her ds and will be gutted.

ARRGGGHH

thanks for the replies so far.. anyone with an inspired solution please?

Where does he go when you are at work? Could there not be another party or something he has been invited to?

Will you have the same situation for the next however many years? Making excuses, panicking because ds doesn't want to go? And will you have the situation on ds's birthday, when he doesn't want the boy at his party?

Personally, I think it may be time to face facts that the boys don't 'socialise' together at school and cut the ties now.

Alternatively, trust, that at 7, he will behave himself and it'll be 2 hours out of his day which he won't have to do again for another year!

Sorry, I can't be more helpful!

I'd make mine go - with lots of explanations etc because we all have to do things we don't want to for good/kind reasons etc now and then.

He goes to afterschool care at the school so she would see him there when collecting her ds.
We can't invent another party as it is a very small community, and she knows lots of my other firneds so wildly implausible.
illness is the only possible thing, but he has to be at school on Thurs as we are working.
So, we have almost persuaded him to go and to be "good" so as not to upset anyone's feelings.. but it seems to be riding roughshod over his feelings... unless we think of a miracle!