Child’s birthday parties - after thought invite…

[DT77]

Hi all, I’m just wondering on peoples thoughts about your child being invited to a party as a last minute thought?
Last week the birthday boy had approached my son and, in a polite way, said that he wasn’t invited to his party due to numbers, yet this morning I received a text message from the birthday boys mum inviting him to the party this weekend and added to the WhatsApp invite group that was created 4 weeks ago - Obviously someone has since dropped out…..
I’m not comfortable with my son being an after thought invite just to make up numbers or so the mum doesn’t lose out on money - the party is in a VR room…. Am I being too sensitive in my thought process?!
Thanks!

If you would like your son to miss out on this party to make a point then by all means turn it down, I’m sure he won’t mind. Let the mum know in time so she can offer the place to someone else.

Yes, I think you're being a bit sensitive. Does your son want to go? He might be upset at being an afterthought, but he might on the other hand have accepted the polite explanation in the first place and just be pleased that a place has opened up. Probably the mum will have paid for the place whether a child fills it or not, so she wouldn't lose out on any money.

Yes that's a bit rubbish. Does your son actually want to go? If he's not that bothered Indian just reply saying it's too short notice.

These things have a cap on numbers. The birthday boy might have wanted him there but there wasn't space. If you are free and your DS wants to go then be pleased he is invited. Otherwise you can of course decline.

Ultimately only so many people can be invited.

If he wants to go, I'd not make him miss out.

Maybe your son was the first on the 'reserve' list and when someone else couldn't make it they were all pleased he'd be included? Some places are strictly limited by numbers. It very much depends what you know of the family: if you think he's just being included so they don't lose out financially, don't bother. If you think he'll enjoy the party and they genuinely want him there, then go for it. Don't cut off your nose to spite your (his) face.

I think this is fine. If it's a smaller party with just a few children, there were probably a few kids who the birthday child likes but didn't have space to invite. It's not a slight...just being practical

It's not about you. If he wants to go, he should go. Not letting him go because your feelings were slighted would be appalling behaviour from you.

Normally I'd be the first to say he isn't going as an afterthought but if it's a vr thing probably a small number going so I would let him go if he wanted to. Does he like the child and are they friends ?

It wouldn't bother me. You can't be invited to everything and it's nice your son was thought of even as reserve. It's also a bit anxiety inducing planning a party and worrying about drop outs and no shows . No body wants their kid to have barely any one at their party.

But I would ask your child if they want to go and follow their lead

Thanks for all the replies - yes, my son is friends with this boy and plays with him at school most break times and they are in the same football team… ultimately the decision will lie with my son as to whether he wants to go to the party or not. I was simply expressing how this made me feel and would never allow my own thoughts to cloud my son’s decisions… thanks again.

He is not an after thought but they probably had a limit on numbers. I can totally see how if you can only have 5 or event 10 kids, you might have to not invite kids that you might like and get on with. So it probably does mean that they arent best best friends but just good friends - not the end of the world.

Ah, this happens sometimes. If we get last minute invites that I assume mean the child
was on the reserve list.

I don’t mind, people drop out, numbers are often capped at venues, I’d still attend if my child wanted to. It wouldn’t make me value the friendship any less or judge the parents.

You might be in a similar position to invite a reserve list child in the future.

Yes you're being too sensitive. If your son would like to go, just say thank you and let him go.
So what if he wasn't on the original list?? Parents can't usually afford to invite every child so have a limit. Presumably your son isn't best friends with this child and that's fine. I find it a weird thing to be offended about.

The Mum isn’t losing out on money it will cost her the same amount if DS goes or doesn’t go.

Yes too sensitive. It's a chance for your DS to have fun, and also to strengthen that friendship.

It's possible it was someone dropping out or it could be the birthday child asked their parent to add a place. But either way it is a chance to have fun.

Don't cut your (son's) nose off to spite your face!

You’re being over sensitive. My dd had a VR party; we could only take a handful as the game was for six. I suggested to dd that we should do soemting different so we could include more of her friends but she was desperate to do the vr game. So she invited bffs and a couple of other friends; a handful of good friends couldn’t be invited. It’s just how things are.