Points of view on gift giving to a child's party if you cancelled a few hours before said party.

[Mummypinky]

So I haven't really given this a thought until now.

But my child who has SEND and recently had a party we had about 3 sets of friends (5 children in total) cancel on the day a few hours before usual reasons of illness. That's absolutely fine I account for this so it doesn't bother me.

My child however understood they could not now come but missed them.
So party goes fine.

We then get home to open gifts and my child then asked me if the 5 children who didn't come would give them a card/present at somepoint.

I said I not sure but maybe not as they didn't come. I downplayed it so not cause any upset as child has SEND

They did not receive anything at all which I don't mind.
But my child had mentioned it again few days later asking about gifts/card. So obviously on their mind.

This got me thinking....

So my question(s) is if you said your child will be attending a child's party and you cancel last minute.

Would you still give a card/gift?

I certainly would as if I said I was going I would had already bought the card/gift before the day. So would pass on at a later date.

It got me thinking as 2 out of the 3, the parents asked a few weeks before what could they get for my child.
So thinking of it you would thought they had a gift/card already.

Or were they never intending of going in the first place?

It's odd situation but it does make you think.

I wouldn't buy a card/gift if I had said they couldn't attend the party from the start.

But definitely would pass on card/gift if I had to cancel going after saying they would be there.

my child is delayed in development so is only being bothered by things that children may of noticed at a younger age than they are now.

We usually have people cancel last minute on their parties each year some still give a gift, some don't.

What do you think?
What would you do?

Please be kind this is not to be selfish or greedy over gift giving. Thank you for reading.

Yes. Did this a few times, dropped the gift off at party time if possible or took it into school/club afterwards.

Yes I had to cancel my DS from going once and this was 2 days before the party. As we had bought the gift a week earlier, we still gave it to him.

I would give a gift out of principle if I had RSVP’d that my child was going but unless they were really sick I would be there.

I would also explain to my child that you don’t invite people to a party to receive presents as not everyone has a lot of money to spend on food and their home. Good time to let your child know not everyone has spare cash.

I remember my (now very very successful) best friend when her and her husband got married and had had two back to back maternity leaves be worried sick about how they were going to afford gifts for the two children ls birthdays they had been invited too. She was so embarrassed and cancelled. She was already struggling with money and this made her feel so much worse. Go easy you just never know exactly what’s going on?

If I had cancelled at short notice, I would still give the gift.

I wouldn't expect to necessarily still receive one however

To be honest I wouldn't expect people attending to feel obliged to bring a gift anyway and would probably try to explain that gently and kindly to an understandably excited child

Hope your DC had a great birthday

I usually would, although once or twice I've forgotten to pass it along and so just used it for the next party.

We're still at the little kids, massive all class or all girls parties stage, so I would be delighted if anyone didn't get my DC anything as we're overrun as it is.

Yes I don't normally expect one either but my child got me thinking and i was curious. They see the world differently so somethings they just don't get.
They had a great party.

My little one had an unexpected fever on party day and so didn't go, hours before, and was devastated (it was a 4yo bday party). DH walked to the party and dropped off the gift, stayed for a cuppa and a catch up with some of the other parents.
Seemed stupid not to deliver the gift as my little one had specifically chosen it for their friend so we wouldn't feel right to give it to someone else!

maybe they intended to get a gift but were strapped for cash and felt to embarrassed to attend without bringing anything? Or it could be that they’re saving the gift to give at Christmas?

I hope DC had a lovely Birthday 💖💖🎂🎂🥳🥳

Yes I get that some people struggle. I've been there and still not well off.
It's just the ones that asked what to get don't struggle for money and much more well off than me. I think that's just got me curious too.

Yes my child would still give a gift.

I’ve not had to do this yet (touch wood) but if I had to pull out of a party I’d said yes to I would take a card and present. The host will have still paid for the party entertainment, food, party bags etc and wouldn’t be able to invite anyone else. When people pull out at short notice and don’t send anything, I assume they never intended to come or just couldn’t be bothered.

Like you, if we'd intended to go and it was a genuine cancellation I'd have the gift ready and would send it with them to school to give.

However, if it was a family friend or someone I wouldn't generally see often I might not. Postage would probably be more than the gift was worth!

I would if I'd already bought the gift and card