I think your first option sounds great! You'd probably spend the same amount of money getting married abroad and then having a do at home so I don't think it would be too different cost wise.
I think you might just have to get your head round being the centre of attention, but it sounds that you've got lovely friends who will be there to see you both get married and celebrate with you - on the day you won't think twice about being the centre of attention as you will be so caught up in everything and pleased to see so many friends.
I was the same as you and had initial misgivings as I hate being the centre of attention, but actually my wedding day was one of the best days of my life!