V. low key "party" - worth it?

[VickyA]

My DS will be 5 in March. He's just started in Reception, and has a handful of friends he talks about, as well as a few of my friends DCs he's played with. The thing is, DS is very much an observer, doesn't like to be the centre of attention, and although the other kids in his class all seem to know him and call his name, and at the first birthday party of term a few weeks ago (for a little boy left behind at nursery) they kept asking him to play, he just hides behind my legs until they stop...

I don't want to ignore his birthday, friend-wise, as I think it would be helpful in forging friendships if he invited a few friends from school (he's been at nursery with the ones I'm thinking of, for a year, so although we haven't socialised before they know each other from that). But what I have in mind is a trip to a nearby farm or something with 5 or 6 friends and their parents (we'll pay), then maybe back to our house for tea and some cake. I'm not planning to do party games, just let the 6 kids play a little bit before/after tea, as they'll already have been to the farm - is that completely mad? Please be honest - I'm new to this lark!

My concern is, will the people who are invited think it's odd not to have more people there, and party games etc? And will it alienate us from the other parents/kids, as his will be the first official class birthday as the Jan intake are all born from March onwards. Or should I just not bother?

Unfortunately DS is the carbon copy of me in his social outlook - I have to hurl myself into talking to people and socialising as I would be far happier on the outskirts observing, hence my agonising about this!

Help please!

I think your solution is a good one. If you're paying for a trip, you can reasonably be expected to invite just a select few and not the whole class. It sounds like a wonderful birthday treat for your DS.

God, it sounds lovely
I can't know what the other class parents will think, but me and ds (5 in April) would LOVE this very much indeed

if you want to make it slightly more partyish at home, you could blow up balloons and let them play with them while you put some music on? And give a small party bag at the end, but this is only if you are trying to make it more like the 'standard' child's party they may be used to

It sounds like a really nice party and perfect for a kid who's a bit shy. And with only 5 or 6 kids, he will have more of a chance to get to know them better. Just be as discreet as you can in handing out the invites and the other parents should be none the wiser - and even if they work out you've had a do that their DC hasn't been invited to, that shouldn't be a problem especially if you're forking out per child for the farm.

I think it sounds great and I wish I'd had the sense to do this sort of thing instead of forcing my DS to enjoy large parties (same thing as you..clinging round legs and not joining in etc).

He is 7 next week and he has asked just to take 3 of his friends bowling and back to ours for tea and a play. He said "You know mum I don't actually enjoy the big parites you do for me"

My take is that its his party so do what he wants and don't bow to social pressure!

Awww thanks! I'm chuffed to be along the right lines with this - wayhay!

We always offered our children the choice of a big party or going out to something they enjoyed with a few friends. They did have a couple of big parties - but the "outing with a few friends" was chosen much more often. You and your DS (and his friends) will really enjoyed it - and we found that it started a new trend!

Go for it - I'm sure you'll all have a great time! There is no need to feel pressured into inviting more than you or he feel comfortable with. A farm trip is a great idea and will enable him to develop his friendships outside the school environment. And you will have created a wonderful memory for him, which is priceless.

I've done quite a few "whole class" parties in my time and find them incredibly stressful...it's much nicer when they start asking for an outing with a few friends (as long as they're not the type of friends that need to be kept on a lead )