rant alert

[pukkapatch]

i spent more on the friggin party bags than this woman spent on the single poundshop tat for a pressie she gave.
and i gave a party bag to her younger child.
and the worst of it is, it's not in my character to actually be annoyed about this. i am trying to work up some annoyance, but its only really theoretical. i was brought up to give generously, and presents are always meant to be what you yourself would like to receive. so when dd goes to her party in two weeks time, i wil lbe spending my usual 5 to 10 quid on the pressie.
and dh bought her dh coffee as well.

stripey, out of the garbage? never.

DD was delighted with the My Little Sodding Pony books and figure that my friend gave her at Christmas.

A different friend was very pleased with his books on herbal medicine and vegan cookery.

Why was her behaviour anti-social? Did I miss something?

I do think your reaction is a bit over-the-top I'm afraid. If you choose to spend a fiver/tenner on a birthday, that's great, but you can't expect it of everyone.

If you ask me, she got it right - a gift they loved. I'd be more pissed off if I spent a tenner and it went unplayed with.

All those lovely expensive presents not being played with, while lo plays with the 'Poundshop tat'. Got to love the irony of it.

All from a skip in town where a second hand shop throw things that, in the opinion of the people working there, nobody would want to buy.

the shop have obviously got it sooo wrong.
no, i still wouldnt get it out of the skip. even though i know it would be what they would love. i guess i am a snob about it.

yes, i do understand the irony of it. which is why i mentioned it. in dc school, most presents are between the five and ten pound mark. unless a very close friend/family. in which case they are more. this is why this present stood out as being different.
tbh, i would prefer if dc didnt get any presents at all, as they rarely get played with enough. and just end up being stuff for me to clear away. which drives me nuts. when parents ask, i always suggest they simply give a donation to my charity, and perhaps a homemade card, which the dc tend to like, and keep, and take care of. (unless its a child they happen to not get on with, then i find it in the bin)

Hmmm think it's a tad bizarre to call her behaviour anti social tbh.

I consider myself and ds to be smartly presented, we have nice home, car etc but we live very carefully when it comes to money, we have to if we want to make mortgage payments. You just can't judge other people's financial circumstances.

We all place velue on different things - this lady neither rightly or wrongly places a high value on purchasing expensive gifts. I personally think £10 on a gift is expensive for a child who is not close friend or family - but that's just my opinion everyone else is welcome to spend how they wish.

I don't see how buying your child a gift, albeit a cheap one, that your child is enjoying playing with, can be seen as anti-social. I also don't see why you are complaining about giving the other child a party bag, as I assume this was your choice to do so.

Children's parties are not about tit for tatness, or about one upmanship; or they shouldn't be. They SHOULD be about your child having a happy day and perhaps getting some fun out of some of the things they do/receive.

I would never pay more than a fiver for a present for a school friend and often pay less by shopping in advance and snapping up bargains as I see them.

I know you didn't ask if you are being unreasonable but I feel that you are - sorry.

Sooo, what you are saying is you would rather your child didn't receive expensive presents as they have so much already and don't play with them?

Yet when they get one they DO play with, its not good enough?

jane, this is not something i feel strongly about. at least it wasnt until i got slated. now i feel i have to defend my comments becaue i feel i have received a great deal of aggro for some throwaway comments that i would not have made in rl.
it was my decision to give the party bags, and next year, i shall still be inviting this child and her sibling will no doubt be along andi shall no doubt welcome her as well. (assuming i do a party, and assuming dd is friends with her, and assuming i can afford to do one)
however i still reserve the right to make a comment on mn about someone doing something that isnt in the normal social round of things.

foxy you are giving memore credit than i deserve.
i really dont think deeply before i write posts on mn. they are not proof read, or edited. they are quite simply chatter.
i am PLEASED that the kids are playing with the toy. and find it ironic, considering my initial kneejerk though when i saw the toy. and actually my kids dont have that much stuff. compared to their contemporaries, and from what i see on mn, they have almost nothing. because i dont want my kids to see stuff as important, they dont get given toys etc unless its a single one at christmas, eid and birthdays. that's four a year. most kids i hear about get four or five per occasion. mine dont. they get money spent on them, just noton stuff

But is it the social norm?

Hmm, I recently went to a child's party and gave said item as a gift...

in dc school, presents are usually between five and ten pounds. the more organised mums manage to get more expensive looking ones because they got them in the sales, did bulk buys etc. since thisis my third dc in this school, i think i have a reasonable idea of the socioeconomic situations of most parents at their school. imo it isnt a wide enough mix really. i'm really looking forward to ds moving on to secondary school and finding out that actually not everyone has all the amenities he is used to.
so yes, that present was not the social norm in dc school. (a state one)

Sorry, I was pondering the wider social norm - not just the school.

a good friend of mine moved a hundred twenty miles away, a few years ago. in her dc school, the social norm is not to give birthday presents at all. so in that place if someone gave a present costing a tenner, it woul dbe as out of place as this.

when we were kids, dsister had a birthday party. we had recently moved countries and didnt really know what the social norm was. mom invited the entire class. one child turned up.
mom never did another school friend party again all the years we lived there.

Pukkapatch, please re-read your OP.

You sound like a snob. I'm obviously not saying you are, but you really, really sound like one.

The thread is titled "Rant Alert"...

Wish I knew where this mother had got the damn things from-my kids played with these at a friends house and would LOVE them. So I guess I think she's good at buying presents that children really like rather than what other mothers think is an appropriately generous gift.

well notnow. i guess i must be one then.
you can safely cross me off your christmas list.
i'm quite tired of defending myself. i know what and who i am. i know my strong points and my weaknesses. if my observations lead you to believe i am a snob, then so be it. this is a virtual chatroom. not real life. we are not related to each other. we dont work together. we dont socialise together. so quite frankly it doesn tmatter what opinion you have of me.

Wouldn't want to be that mum in the playground tomorrow ...

pukkapatch, by posting your personal thoughts, feelings and opinions about others on an internet form you are inviting comments from other people.

that's true notnow.
its ok, i have a hard head, and can take the knocks.
foxy, why do you think you wouldnt want to be that mom in the playground tomorrow? just becasue i chat on mn about something doesnt mean that i gossip about it in rl. or let it affect relationships with other people in rl. my relationships are not based on material sstuff.
of course had she been a rude cow, and given me dirty looks etc, i would not go out of my way to speak to her iyswim. but quite frankly, i dont have the time or energy to expend on negative relationships with anyone. (except mn, where i manage to spend hours and hours and hours)

"presents are always meant to be what you yourself would like to receive"

Or, presumably, in the case of children's presents, what your DCs would like to receive?

It seems very likely that this present is something her own DCs have had and loved, so by thinking "I know what my DCs really liked to receive... so it's a good idea for them to give that to pukkapatch's DD" she is in fact applying your own principles.

no doubt lemon. its always best to think best of someone. and if i hadnt been as slated as i had been, i would have arrived at that conclusion myself much much earlier in the evening.

Pukka, did you genuinely believe when you typed the OP you wouldn't get a slating?

Whether or not your posts have been taken out of context/lost in translation or whatever they read TERRIBLY!

not everything in the poundshop costs a pound, you know.