How to address the issue of children's party and parents not able to afford gifts

[bloomtoperish]

I'm planning my son's 5th birthday party and am thinking of ways to make it as inclusive as possible. I haven't been to lots of kids parties so I'm a bit clueless about them really.

I live in an area where there is quite a lot of poverty and I know people are struggling more than ever at the moment. I'm wondering what to put on the party invites to address this.

I don't want to say 'no presents' as my kid is quite excited about presents, but it's absolutely fine for people not to bring any presents. I don't want anyone to feel they can't send their child to the party if they can't afford a present.

It's going to be in a big community hall and I'm considering having a discreet box of wrapped toys in an area where people arriving can pick one to give to my son if they want to.

It's not about making sure my son has gifts, it's about making guests feel comfortable especially the children who might like to be able to give a gift to their friend but otherwise couldn't.

Maybe I'm over thinking it, and I don't want to come across as condescending. Maybe just mentioning something on the invite would be enough? Maybe people won't care about not being able to take a gift? Any ideas or suggestions much appreciated!

I wouldn’t say anything OP. Your thoughts are really kind but ultimately if people can’t afford a gift they won’t bring one and you can get gifts for literally £1/2 or regift stuff. Just don’t make a big deal on the day of where presents go etc and it’ll be fine.

I think the box of gifts is a terrible idea, albeit meant well I am sure.
But it sort of says "look we can afford a whole box of gifts and you can't even afford one"

Just say on the invite - "gifts optional"

Omg don't do anything esp not a box of gifts.

Yeah fair point! I thought it might be insensitive.

So do we think not saying anything is the best way to go about it?

Sorry I missed the 'gifts optional' bit....

You don't mention it.

If you want to be inclusive, and can afford it, make sure any parents/siblings that stay know they can eat too.

I wouldn't put anything on the invite, but would put the present table right at the door so no one is actually walking in with a gift and handing it to your child. That way no one will know who put what or anything on the table. Then you discreetly take away and open at home. You can text thanks for any named gifts (you'll have number from rsvp)

I'd avoid putting no gifts in the invite, people will then put money in cards instead (skint people often feel they need to show the world/ themselves they're not that skint with shows of generosity), which would put more financial strain as the minimum would be £5 paper notes, insted of poundshop toys.

Yes that's a good idea, thanks

Yes there will be space for a table in the hallway for this before people enter the main hall. Great idea thanks.

OP, I also live in an area with a much higher then average percentage of free school meal kids in my DSs class.

The skint parents will either do poundshop prezzies like big bubble wand or glowing football, or they will buy something nice in a charity shop to wrap up.

We don't make a fuss and we know to be grateful for what he gets. I think anything you say will make people uncomfortable or feel patronised, TBH.

Hope it's a lovely party :)

I think what others have said is fine. And maybe keep the party low-key if you can. Simple party bags (slice of cake, a balloon and a couple of sweeties / mini chocolate bars is fine), no over-the-top cakes (Colin the Caterpillar rather than a 3-tiered custom made jobby) etc. If other guests are not well off, they may find it awkward if your kid's party is well out of their budget when it come to reciprocating with an invitation to their kid's party and at the end of the day, 5 year olds don't really care if the cake cost £100 or a fiver in Aldi.

Say no gifts, please! Wish more people would, thee is absolutely no need, your child will have gifts from family I presume or eve just you, it’s more than enough. Let’s normalise less stuff!

That's good to know, thanks. Yes I think in terms of the invite I'm not going to say anything. Definitely risk making a big deal out of it unintentionally by mentioning it in any way.

Definitely don't make a big deal. In all honesty, the best thing you can do is make sure when you give presents to other children, they are not too big - things like a packet of seeds or stickers inside a card are good. My DD is 5, so we've been negotiating this one too. Stickers are brilliant fun but tend to be fairly cheap.

I get that this doesn't solve the immediate problem, but I think I wouldn't do anything in particular except, as a PP says, to say siblings are welcome to stay.

If gifts will be collected on a table to be opened later, it won't be obvious who has or hasn't given, will it? I think that is fine.

Agree.

Tell him present-opening is for family time. Privately.

I agree with the poster suggesting making the party itself low key. It's not so embarrassing if you've only spent a couple of quid if the party is supermarket cake, small party bags etc

I'm pleased I started this thread as you've all stopped me getting totally carried away with it all haha. Might rethink the sushi platter and hummus 😆

I always say "no gifts" and suggest a home made card.
Those who can afford to still give gifts or €10 in a card, those who don't have the money feel relief. Hopefully.

I don't have an answer but I think it's really kind that you've considered this. There isn't an easy way to go about this really. I agree that people will generally buy to their budget. I had a skint moment a few months ago but managed to get a nice gift for DS's friend for a couple of quid in Poundland. Turned out it was one of her favourite gifts (lockable diary and gel pens). I hope the party is lovely!