Help: I'm a birthday cake novice and need someone to start at the beginning. . .

[Xanthipi]

It's to feed 18.

My son wants a golf theme. (He doesn't even play golf, but whatever.)

Please start at the beginning, LITERALLY.

-What size and shape tin
-recipe
-icing (I've no idea how to use that sort of stretchy marzipan-like sheet icing, so I'd need instructions on that IF that's the way to go for this particular cake
-how to colour icing (if necessary)
-and where to find little plastic golf figurines

I am a SERIOUSLY inexperienced baker, so please assume I know nothing, and no difficult-to-understand lingo, please!

If you can help, BIG thanks in advance.

ps I've no baking cookbooks, but will buy one IF you think it's absolutely necessary. But it'd have to be a very basic one that explains EVERY step of the process.

jas.familyfun.go.com/recipefinder/display?id=50207
How about this?

ingredients,
1 wallet, one car/two feet, one shopping basket.

method, go to supermarket and enter cake isle, search through the cakes until you find one to taste. place in shopping basket.
using wallet, purchase said cake, then in car or on foot, return home.

Serve when required. .

I'm an avid baker, but honestly, it's hard enough organizing a birthday party as it is, so why make work for yourself, esp if you've never done it before. .

gemmies cake looks great - how to make the cake;
get a 9x13 cake tin (or a bit biggr to alllow for straightening edges) then mix up -
8oz SR flour with 1 level tsp baking powder)
8 oz butter
8 oz (or a bit less) sugar
4 eggs.

Beat all together (with a electric whisk if poss or wooden spoon if not) Add a bit of milk if it feels a bit stiff, it should be moussey.

Line the tin (literally a sheet of baking parchment or greaseproof along the bottom)
bung the mix in and bake at 160C until the top is lihgtbrown and when you press it with a finger it feels spongey. test after about 30-35 mins. Should take about 35-40.mins.
If you want chocholate replace 1oz of flour with cocoa powder. Or add 1 oz choc chips (don't replace the flour) If you want lemon grate in some lemonzest and add a bitof the jiuce.

you could even buy the cakes and decorate them yourself. if you have a cake shop or baking equipment shop near you, they always have loads of decorations and fiddly bits to put on cakes.
Also, don't be afraid to make things simpler. For instance I would have no idea about that blue gel stuff so i would leave it out. You can buy the stretchy roll out icing and add green food colouring but only add a titchy bit at a time cos it will get too sticky otherwise.

I used to make all my boys birthday cakes, but now they're at school they want a "proper" cake from a shop. Could well be a comment on my artistic tallent

Kid's birthday parties are stressful enough, if you're not happy about making it, buy one.

Oh yes, definitely buy it - unless you actively enjoy doing them, they can be a pita. Get him to come out with you and choose it.