Party invitation etiqutte with brothers and sisters

[ColdPenguin]

Hi,
I was just wondering what is the normal etiquette with regards to inviting siblings to kids parties?
I am planning my daughter's 4th birthday party for 30 of her classmates (she's just started school). I am amazed at how many mum's will just casually shout across the school yard "Yeah, we'll be there. Alright if I bring xxxxx as well?"
I can hardly shout back "no, not really", but are they really expecting me to cater for everyone's siblings of all different age ranges as well?!?!?!?
What does everyone else think?

Not on IMH unless specifically invited. I would simply say, oh I am sorry the venue only allows x number so I'm afraid not.

In my (limited) experience, I think if you are doing a party for young children where you expect the parents to stay with the children it's generally accepted that younger siblings, at least, can come too. At the moment we're in a round of third birthday parties and that seems to be the way it goes. Not sure about older siblings because there aren't any among DS's friends.

If you are doing a "drop off your children and leave" party then siblings would not be included.

You're right. I wish I had managed to say something like that now. I just found it too difficult to say 'no' though. Especially being put on the spot like that as well.
I suspect more will turn up that haven't even asked as well.

Do you think everyone will expect food and party bags for siblings? I will definitely not have enough, but will terrible if there's kids standing there going without. It's not their fault that their parents brought them to a party they weren't invited to IYSWIM?

If you are having the party at a venue that charges per head then you will probably have a maximum number you can invite anyway and then it's not reasonable for siblings to come along (unless it's open to the general public and their parents are going to pay for them).

However when we've had parties in a hall and costs are pretty much fixed, I've always been quite relaxed about siblings coming. It can be difficult for some people to alternative arrangements for siblings especially when parties are during the week. I usually do abit extra food anyway - a few sandwiches and fairy cakes are not going to make too much difference. I don't think you need do extra party bags, just give siblings a ballon it they are hanging around looking forlorn at the end of the party.

standard practice to expect siblings I'm afraid

you don't need a party bag for them though .. but you could give them a balloon maybe

and if you're catering its only a few extra sarnies

I think if you are expecting mums to stay (which they generally do when the children are 4) they may have to bring the siblings, or sort out childcare. Not everyone has a handy father.

I have just done the unspeakable and invited one twin and not the other to ds's party. The other twin is in a different class at school. I know their mum is keen for them to be treated as individuals, but it must be tricky.

really twig - that's very bizarre.

If I was havign a party for 30 (and I have) I would certainly not want 60 there!

I have 3 DCs and only ever take them all to a party if specifically asked (some friends are very nice )

Otherwise I leave them there or get DH involved or sort something complicated out. Should say sorted as DS2 is not 4.5 so no worries.

I agree it can be tricky with younger children and I have certainly said to mums "oh, do bring xxx [younger sibling we know] by all means" but that's a bit different. Someone turned up to one of my big hall parties with an older child and said is this OK - I had never even met her (or him) before (nursery friend) and was a bit taken aback. Said yes of course....

it can be difficult if you are in my situation - only childcare is dh - so if he is at work or has other committments then it would be whichever dd is invited as well as two siblings.

I think if you are expecting parents to stay then you have to expect siblings.

agree with eidsvold. If you're expecting parents to stay, then you have to allow for siblings being there.

But IME you don't have to provide party bags for siblings, make sure there are enough seats for them at the meal table or get them to sit down with the guests for a game of pass the parcel etc IME siblings who attend are much more the parent's responsiblity. They may join in some of the games or dancing if there is space but you do not have to cater for them, or entertain them specifically. But it's nice if there's some food left over for them and a balloon to take home (as twiglett said).

From the opposite point of view I found it quite awkward when my oldest was invited to siblings friends parties, she would always be really desperate to go but then would feel really silly sitting in the middle of a toddlers party, so we made the rule that none of them went to each others parties. Usually they are at the weekend so dh is about.

I specifically don't invite one child to my dd's party because her elder sibling always tags along too. dd's parties are held at home so we have to limit numbers to around 10 out of a class of 20. The first time elder sister came the Mum said that she couldn;t get anyone to look after her (my dd's 4th). Imagine my surprise when both children turned up with mum and Dad in tow and have done so to every single other child's birthday party too.

There is one friend of dd's who I always invite her younger brother though and that is because younger brother is at nursery with and very good friends with ds.

So, in a nutshell, no, it it is not unreasonbable to say, sorry no siblings whatever the circumstances. If I had no childcare for wither of my two I would either decline the invitation, or get a classmates mum to take them for me.

Forgot to say that elder sibling ALWAYS dominates the party games too.

im having a Halloween party on Sat and i want to invite ds's bezzy pal, but then feel uncomfortable just inviting him. His older sister is VERY domineering and throws strops as there are "no girls toys" and wants them to play what she wants them to play
Im not keen on the girl at all but i know that my friend will presume i mean them both.
dont know what to do really????

Your situation sounds a little different dissle.

Is the Halloween party a children's party for your ds. If so, then it is reasonable just to invite HIS friend. If, however it is your party and will include a mix of adults and children then I think it would be a bit off not to invite the whole family.

If it is at a venue where others can attend ie soft play then it is not uncommon to ask but rude to expect iyswim and no would not expect them to be catered for. At someone's home I'd only have asked if it were desperate , too short notice to make other arrangements or at a time when you would not expect another parent or gp to be around to take over. Sometimes the hostess has said to bring ds too but have rarely taken up the offer as I find that he and dd will become too exclusive and dd won't join in with ehr friends. I remember asking a friend to have ds while I took dd to one as I knew I'd be staying and dh was working.

I've often taken younger sibling to birthday party, but she's only just 2 now so never gets in the way. I never expected the younger sibling to be catered for, would take my own snack for her to eat away from the part guests and certainly wouldn't expect a party bag. But I would say its entirely expected that when young children need a parent to stay at a party that any younger siblings go aswell. What I have been shocked at is when I had a play area party and when I paid at the end found I had also been charged for siblings how had 'sneaked' in. Their parents obviously thought they were avoiding paying up to the play area, but I ended up paying even more for them as if there were a guest.

I think the extra siblings are usually cancelled out by the invited guests who have a temperature on the day and don't come.