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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

Given our current situation what do I do - Can I think of myself or do I have to do it for the dc's sake?

12 replies

Mummy2TandF · 27/09/2007 10:20

For those who don't know I lost my husband very suddenly and unexpectedly on 28th August and am still in complete shock and totally distraught BUT my dd will be a year old on 28th October and my ds will be 3 on 14th November .... What do I do? We would normally have had a party for them (we were already considering a joint one because of thier ages and because of funds) but I don't know if I could deal with all the guests and talking about Craig over and over again to them and reliving it all, I am not brave enough to talk about it without breaking down yet, but I know that ds especially is aware that his birthday is coming up and I would hate for him to feel I have ignored it - I really don't think I could do anything at the house as I can just about get up and washed and dressed in the mornings, let alone do housework or cater for a party. The dc's and I have been going to a toddler group on a Friday since ds was 9 months old and they do hire out all of their facilities (which is what we did last year) but I would still have to do the party food etc and the whole thought of it is filling me with fear .... Can I please ask your advice, what would you do in my situation do you think?

OP posts:

oliveoil · 27/09/2007 10:24

could you hire out a soft play area? they do all the organising and food - I hate the places personally but that is what I am doing for dd1. Think it is around £7 a head or you can do exclusive hire for £150 (which I am NOT doing...)

or can your relatives organise somehting at their house - they do the food etc. And have an arrangement whereby you can escape to a bedroom if things get too much?

PandaG · 27/09/2007 10:30

Could you hire out gthe toddler group room, and just do cake and drinks, no party tea? Can just buy a cake from tesco, no hassle.

or, if you wanted there to be food could you ask a few friends to bring a plate of something - if I was your friend in RL I would be wanting to do something to help you, and being asked to help practically in this way would be no problem?

Also, could you on the invites print please don't talk to me about Craig on the party day, I wnt to focus on the children on that day, (but please do talk to me about him at other times(if that is appropriate to you?))

Hope this is in some way helpful.

MaryBleedinPoppins · 27/09/2007 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cashncarry · 27/09/2007 10:35

Hi Mummy2TandF - I'm so sorry for what you're going through

I think you're very brave and very loving to be concerned about giving your kids a lovely party but I would second OliveOil's suggestion that you delegate this to a close relative or friend and make sure it's away from your home. You will be safe in the knowledge that they will have a good time but feel able to withdraw yourself if and when things are too difficult for you to deal with.

Be kind to yourself - IIRC from your other thread, you do have friends and family who are willing to help you and take over all the organisational aspects of throwing the party. Take them up on this and don't put yourself through any unnecessary grief. Take care xx

Alambil · 27/09/2007 12:26

absolutely delegate... you have to think of your self in this and the kids won't know / mind (care?) who does the footwork for it

I'd even go so far as to ask someone else to take them there and you go in another vehicle so you can leave / hide / retreat if and as when necessary...

be absolutely gentle on yourself - do not feel guilty - EVERYone will understand

thinking of you x

maisemor · 27/09/2007 14:40

What a horrible situation. I can't even begin to imagine what you and your children are going through.

If you live close to Edinburgh I will be able to do all the food making for you. I honestly don't mind. Just let me know when and where (although I am already cooking for my father in law's silver wedding on the 20th October so can't do that weekend).

I promise I will be in with the food and out again in a jiffy, so you can just enjoy your children.

Original poster

Mummy2TandF · 27/09/2007 14:48

Thanks for the offer but I am in Romford, Essex - so quite a way from you to say the least! - I think really you are all saying what I have been thinking, I will try to contact the toddler group tomorrow and see if I can hire it out and for how much (because that is another issue atm), the I will have a think about the food - I think organising this might do me good, I need to have my mind occupied because I am not really up to going out anywhere

OP posts:

maisemor · 27/09/2007 15:00

I think you are right that it might be a good way of keeping your mind active and thinking of something else. Hope it works.

By the way I think you are an amazingly brave woman and I think you are handling all of this extremely well.

Original poster

Mummy2TandF · 27/09/2007 16:17

Thanks but I don't feel like it - am having a really bad day today, I have just sat and cryed nobody has phoned, nobody has been round, the house is an absolute pigsty (and that's not an exageration) and the kids are just doing whatever they want because I can't be bothered to stop them That is not like me, I am quite worried today as I have never had depression but feel that I may be heading that way and I don't want to

OP posts:

Tortington · 27/09/2007 16:25

don't sweat the small stuff babe - and it s small stuff - the house and the kids at the mo.

i think your kids would be super pleased if you say - had a picnic on the living room floor - with a cake with candles - all sitting on a quilt with cushions and pillows around you. with lots of ballons to pop and blow up - but most of all - mummies undivided attention - and lots of really unhealthy crisp and stuff.

i lost my mum recently - and its not in the same ball park but if ever you want to just sound off to a complete stranger my e-mail is creamycustardo at hotmail dot com.

iheartdusty · 27/09/2007 20:18

how terrible. I am so sorry.

Your DD won't know or mind, although your DS might prompt her a bit, so anything you do for her birthday is really for you, IYSWIM.

For your DS it is a bit different, but even he will be quite easily pleased. Play centres are comparatively easy, but they are horribly stressful.

Could you get by with one friend for her, one for him, and cake on the floor as custardo says? with grandparents if they are around? Or a little trip to a farm or zoo or something? In future years they can have a bigger do with loads of friends zooming around, they won't even remember this year' birthdays, but you can at least get some nice photos and enjoy the day so far as possible.

trockodile · 02/10/2007 14:41

Despite being a newbie ( and a confirmed lurker!) I could not read and run. My sister's husband died very unexpectedly 4 weeks ago (drowned) and she has been left with lots of similar emotions and situations as you. She has 3 children, 12, nearly 11 and 5. We have just been discussing birthdays and I would advise NOT doing the same as last year. I feel it will only help to highlight how different it is this year and will make you feel worse. Don't try too hard. Be as kind to yourself as you possibly can and accept any offers of help going -ask if no one offers. Lots of love and luck.

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