Clashing invitations - what should I do?

[melpomene]

DD1 is 4 and about to start school. At the new parents' evening in July I got talking to a mum of another girl who will be in my dd's class (Girl A). They live in the same road as us so we've met up a couple of times since then, though our dds haven't particularly hit it off (mostly played separately and didn't interact much). DD1 has been invited to this girl's birthday party, and I told the mum I thought dd1 would be able to come.

Then this evening, I got a phone call from the Mum of one of dd1's friends from preschool (Girl B), inviting us to her party which is on the same day at the same time.

I suspect that, given the choice, dd1 would prefer to go to Girl B's party.

However, Girl A's Mum invited dd1 first, and I did tell her we'd probably be able to come. So, am I obliged to accept the first invitation that was given (and perhaps not even mention the second invite to dd1), or should I give dd1 the choice of which party to go to?

bump

I would just be up front with Girl A's mum, the girls don't know each other that well yet anyway, and just say that it is a friend from her current playgroup. Make sure you pass along a wee present for girl A though.
and apologise and say how embarassed you are.

I would personally find it rude if you decide to go to party no. 2.

If you get an invitation and you are free that day and you want to go then accept and go. Don't change your mind because you get another invitation.

It is a shame that the other girl is having her birthday party on the same day, but you can always arrange for them to meet up another day instead.

as you hardly know the other people, I don't think it matters the same, she asked out of courtesy and to get to know you both better.

Can you try and split your time between both parties. Maybe go to the first one for an hour and then go to the second one! That way you don't offend anyone and DD gets to go to 2 parties in one day!!!

THe most polite thing to do is go to Pary A, you agreed to this, its bad luck that the other party is at the same time,
If you feel like being abit confrontational, explain the ruth to party A, and attend party B - buts its akids birthday party, Do you really wnat to bring into it the politics of, we don't really want to come to yours etc (cos this is what you'd be saying.
The only explanation to Party B being that you have another invitaation, what ashame etc etc..

It's a difficult one.

If you have already agreed to go to party A then it would seem rude to not go. And I do think there is a lot of benefit of children going to these early int he year parties with school friends - helps a lot with the making of friends, not just with party girl, IME. And can be good for parents to get to know one nother a bit too.

Will your daughter be seeing the girl form party B much now they have finsihed preschool?

Ooh tricky, but you have said yes to girl A and I think it would sound quite bad to back-track on that now. Maybe get together with girl B for tea or something another time.

Ahh the politics of parties! You will start to get to know which friends birthdays are when and to know if anything is likely to clash. It's always a bit of a minefield though. But a yes is a yes and I think it's bad form to renege on it.

I would go to party a myself - the politics of girls' birthday parties is seriously awful as you will find over the next few years! How about inviting child B to tea and have a special pudding and a little birthday present sometime soon

Thanks for the comments. After thinking it over I have to agree with those of you who say it would be rude/unfair to back out of Girl A's party because a "better" offer has come along. Good suggestion to invite Girl B for a special tea another time.