Stuck on what to do

[chocolateorange93]

So we had a pretty horrible time just before our wedding with venue cancelling just before and rushing to find another etc

So we said we'd have a 1 year party
We booked in decemeber a lovely venue
Booked food and music and all that in January - i sent invites a couple months ago too

Then recently sent invites to people id not invited yet ( eg family i am now inviting ) i sent them 3 nights ago ( literally thursday) i told my husband this and he helped me do address/stick stamps on-

Tonight he wants to cancel the party and apparently has said this for a while according to him but this is the first i l know of it ( unbeknown to me).

I don't know what to do. A) if we do cancel we will loose full deposit of venue/caterer and DJ.

Ive said like il still do party as its mostly all paid and he doesn't have to attend but thats super weird a 1 year anniversary party without one of the pair. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yes it would be weird and very much not celebrating your marriage if only one of you turn up.

See how you both feel in a few days. I think you should decide together. Having paid the deposit is not a reason to throw good money after bad if he really doesn't want to do it, but I bet you can tweak it into something he is happier with.

If you do cancel, don't worry about withdrawing the invitation. It'll feel about awkward but you'll care about it much more than anyone else will. They'll just cross the event off their calendar and get on with their lives. Perhaps, if the party is too uncomfortable for your DH to go through with, you could have a smaller BBQ at home or something?

We cant have a bbq as we have no garden,

he wants a meal but as with last year we ended up sat bang in middle of his family and with all mine further away & they was quite rude to some of my guests about not been important enough so i wanted a party to include every one as last year alot of my tamily
mentioned feeling pushed out

Im just mad he waited til now to mention it & waited til everything was paid we literally have to just turn up and hand £100 to the caterer as everything else is done

Why doesn't he want to go?

Says he just doesnt want a party hasnt said why or anything other than too cringy or something

There are two issues here - one is what to do about the party (you could easily change it to something smaller if you can agree on something you'd both like) and the other is why on earth he didn't say something sooner?? What was he thinking? Is he normally bad at communicating?

There is no urgency here, unless the party is very soon. You can cancel at any time. Give him a couple of days to stew and then try to take a back seat in the conversation. Get him to tell you more about his worries and about what other suggestions he has. The less you talk,the more that will hopefully encourage him to come up with alternatives.

We found this with baby names. The more I came up with 101 suggestions the more quickly & easily he batted each one away. We only started making progress when I put it firmly in his court and got him to start coming up with suggestions. Don't get trapped in the dynamic where you are proposing a string of options, it's far too easy for him to sit there and just go "no, no no".

Party is in 4-5 weeks. Not usually a bad communicator no so i have no clue whats happened.