Should I cancel this party?

[MirandaGoshawk]

I have a big birthday coming up in January and have booked a country dance band and a hall. I've invited about 40 people. At first some said no, but when they found out it was my birthday they said maybe. So I think it's not really their cup of tea. Others either haven't replied (and they have known about it for weeks) or have dropped out, so I only have about 27 definites, and some of these could yet drop out, and others will be helping me with the food, so not dancing. But with country dancing you need a good amount, and I won't know until the night who will turn up. If there's snow maybe they won't come as some are a few miles away. I could invite more people but that would involve more food/booze/expense just in case they did show up, and would mean inviting people I don't know very well to celebrate my birthday!
I was thinking I should cut my losses and just invite a few people round at home. I really dread having a band and only a few dancers, and feel I've almost lost interest. Any thoughts?

I have a big birthday coming up in January and have booked a country dance band and a hall.

It's attributed to several people, but as the quote has it: "You should try everything once except folk dancing and incest".

Unless you have prior knowledge that people are massively keen to show their eightsome reels, it's reasonable to assume that a lot of the invitees have spent the last few weeks looking for excuses to be anywhere other than at your party. If your social circle are dancers, great. As a one-off experience for the uninitiated, I can't think of many worse things.

Lol! Thanks. Just me that loves it, then!

Will the dancing be optional or compulsory? I would happily go along for a drink but if I thought i'd be pressured to dance I wouldn't be up for going.

Do you think people are turning it down just because of the country dancing? I think it's probably quite a rare interest!

I wouldn't go no matter how good a friend you were sorry, it's not my thing and I'd get all worked up and end up with a migraine

Is it like barn dancing with a caller? I love it, no one can do it therefore everyone can. I had one for a big birthday, with kegs of cider and beer.
It's a bust time of year op, but I bet in January your mates will be up for some fun. Don't cancel.

Yes, it is barn dancing with a caller. A folk band. I know that about 12 of the people invited have been before, and loved it. I love it. But I appreciate e.g. Loyaultermelie's view that she would hate it. I feel like that about some things that other people love spas. I think you have hit the nail on the head - want a party, hate this kind of dancing. I had no idea!

Can you message people and say dancing is optional come for a drink and food anyhow? That way people might come and once they’ve had A drink or two they might join in? This kind of party I would probably want to avoid but might actually enjoy in reality if vaguely tipsy and if the band we’re good

I would say carry on! I just had a ceilidh for my birthday and I thought there would be about 60-80 people. 130 turned up! It was so much fun. Don't cancel now because people are flakey. They probably can't see past Christmas.

Happy birthday for next month!

Ps: have a welcome drink and a shot on arrival ready to help people loosen up...

I’ll come!!!!!! Love a barn dance! Just do it. Doesn’t matter if only a few people.

I'd love that party, but I'm an unusual sort and come from a dancing background (if such a thing exists lol)

Will you be inviting Jean?

(Sorry, niche reference)

Are you paying a lot of money for it ? If so , I would be tempted to cancel and invite friends for drinks at the house. Given that people haven't been all too enthusiastic there's no point spending a fortune unless you really want to go for it - which it doesn't sound like you do. Throwing parties can be very stressful / emotional but I really hope you enjoy your birthday whatever you do 😊!! Me personally, I always prefer a party at someone's home, more relaxed.

I get it, @poostories

Thank you @99mammsophie. You have summed it up. Yes, the band are expensive. If I cancel now I'll just lose a deposit. I've bought the wine and started to buy the (non-perishable) food but they can be kept for another time or guzzled by us.

Or, DH has just suggested - hold one in the summer, do food and advertise it, then sell tickets! Could be for charidee… then at least if people have paid then you know they want to be there. It wouldn't be for my bd but I haven't made this one all about me anyway.

@MirandaGoshawk is it what you really want to do for your birthday? If it is, don't cancel it. It's YOUR birthday, if other people want a quiet gathering at their house for their birthday, then great.

At mine, not everyone danced, but I was surprised by the amount of people who did. And the numbers increased as their set went on. Everybody said what a fabulous party it was, something different and we had a great night.

(Mind you, I didn't tell everyone until just before what we would be doing. I just told them to wear dancing shoes)

Can I give you a quick plan for m birthday.

We did: welcome drinks at 7.
Band started at 7:45. We danced for 45 mins and then stopped for food (which was all prepped in advance so just needed to be heated through while we did the first dancing). 45 mins for food, and then last 45 mins of dancing. Cake, singing happy birthday, a few speeches and then we plugged in an iPod and everyone danced away, taking turns to choose songs. It was utterly fantastic, one of the best nights of my life, and so many people said it was one of the best parties they had ever been to.

I am sure if I had listened to all the grumps and groans beforehand, I would have had doubts, but I didn't. I figured that those who were up for a laugh and who wanted to, would join in. And it was brilliant.

A bit of January cheer would be ver welcomed. (Please can I come?)

And I think 8-10 is the minimum number to have a good dance, so you will be fine with those numbers!

I wouldn’t have hired a band for 40 people let alone 27!

Scrap it, you won’t have hardly any atmosphere or a decent crowd. Guaranteed more people will drop out closer to the time.

I would definitely come! I think it sounds super fun.

Agree with PO who suggested making it very clear that dancing is optional. Though honestly if you’re not up for showing off your primary school learnt dozy-do (sp?) after a couple of pints of scrumpy it’s time to have a good hard look at your life choices

I think it sounds great fun. Not something I’d normally do bud I’d be up for giving it a go. I’m also so desperate to get dressed up and have a night out I’d be knocking people down to get there.

Thank you all. I really appreciate your thoughts and you've all been helpful in one way or another. @rainbowquack yes, please come! And anyone else in the Exeter/Honiton area is invited! The plan is for the same as yours but for the band to keep going until around 10.30pm.

@greendale - yeah I think you're right. It was wishful thinking, and the atmosphere will be grim if there's only 20 people on the dance floor, because it's a big hall and people don't dance to every dance. Also, some of the dancers will be helping with the food for a while. I feel like LooksBetterWithAFilter - desperate for a night out, especially dancing. No one seems to dance at parties round here - they just stand around talking!

I've had a couple more people say they want to come, so definite 30 and possible another 4, say, plus four elderly non-dancers. But the problem is still numbers. The band is expensive, and then there's the hire of the hall. I've bought cava for 50 people. So it's only the food, and a few more baked potatoes etc aren't going to make much difference IYSWIM - if it costs virtually the same total for 20 people or for 50 then it makes it very expensive per head for 20. As for numbers, I'm mostly inviting people I know from round here, which is the problem. If I invite people from further afield (where we used to live) who I haven't seen for ages, it will be a risk that they don't turn up on the night. I've got a week max before I have to commit.

The caller said that around 40 - 50 is a good number. But I don't have 40 even at best case scenario, and I am dreading that it will end up being 20. Actually, at one I went to a couple of years ago there were loads of people - maybe 100 - and he still had difficulty getting people onto the floor for some dances - they were tired/hot I suppose - and they had paid for tickets!

GAH I don't know what to do. It's not being able to predict numbers. But I can accurately predict that there won't be 40 :(

No one seems to dance at parties round here - they just stand around talking!

The key word there is that you think it’s “just” talking. I like talking to people I don’t see often, as presumably do other people hence why they do it. A party I went to recently had a small number of people dancing to a band (band were friends of the host) while most people talked in another room. Two similar parties I went to didn’t have “another room” so like about half the guests I left when the band started playing.

For a lot of adults, an expectation they dance to an over-amplified band is hellish. You want to dance. Fine. You could Join a Morris side, but it’s absolutely your right to have a dancing party. . Other people don’t want to dance, and will avoid parties where it is expected or leave early those where it is sprung on them. You get to choose which people you want to please. But as you are finding, a party with a focus on dancing will get a lot of declines. The dancers are less likely to decline a non-dance party. So making it a dance party will reduce your numbers.

Yes, I see that now. I didn't see it before. I love dancing and it makes me feel alive, and therefore assume that everyone has the same good taste and sense as me, but some people just don't. Other people, eh?

Your last two sentences, Reflectent, makes a lot of sense. Thx.