I don't want to be a Bridesmaid! Can I decline?

[porkpie]

A close friend has asked me to be a bridesmaid, but I don't feel comfortable about taking on this role. There are 9 others, little ones plus 4 adults, whom she's also asked. Main problem is that I can't afford the £260 designer dress, and I will have to leave my 2.3 year old ds behind for two nights.
What would you do?
Is there a kind way of saying no?

write a really nice letter emphasising the bit about your daughter and saying how flattered you aare to be asked and how sorry you are tha you can't do it.

I'd say no if there are lots of others. Say "I love you but it's not my cup of tea and I would prefer to watch instead."

if I didn't want to do it I would say no.

I said no to my sister as I felt unconfident & fat.

This was 13 years ago though & I was just 16.

My sister made it clear that she wasn't happy, but asked my other sister to do it.

I feel guilty now that I said no, at that age I didn't realise it was a great honour to be asked

My SIL asked me but I wasn't pretty enough - the others were all stunning. I just said, thanks so much but I would really love to watch the two of you getting married rather than be a bridesmaid, if you don't mind. She was fine about it although her dad did mention it at the wedding!

Why the hell should you have to pay £260 for a dress?

I'm sure there was a thread about this sort of thing a while ago, ie paying for bridesmaids dresses.

why would DH and DS not be invited?why do you have to pay fro your own dress?
L

A friend of mine said no to another friend, and their relationship has been non-existant since.

However, she handled it really badly - I'm sure if you take time to explain why you feel you can't, she will understand and maybe find some other role or responsibility at teh wedding. could you offer to help with something else????

My fear is that by saying no, I would ruin a ten year friendship beyond repair, however my gut instinct is to be honest with her and explain my reasons for not wanting to be a bridesmaid, hoping that she'll understand.
I am annoyed about the cost of the dress, she's fully aware that I would struggle to afford it, being a mature student and only working one day per week.
However this evening, she has said that she won't force me into buying the dress if I really don't like it. So when I go to try it on this Saturday, I'm going to pray that I look ridiculous and therefore I'm off the hook, and then we can go back to the original plan of a cheap high street dress.
DH is invited, but she was very lukewarm about DS coming, which is why he's staying at home, however if I can't bear to leave him nearer the time, I'll just have to turn up with him!

Say no. No big deal imo.

I'd say yes but refuse to pay £260 for a dress for it, simple as that. If you're not rolling in cash then she can't take offence at that.

you should say " i am far too beautiful, i might steal your thunder your ugliness"

Nine bridesmaids sounds a bit scattergun to me - is she really going to be upset if one says no?